2009

Well, what can I say? 2009 started of pretty amazing! Greg and I had been in Europe for 3 months and I was finally adjusted and loving it there! The next 6 months were filled with incredible days like this one.

It took awhile for my heart to stop aching for Brussels, once we came home. We had such an amazing time. When we came back to the US, my world was sort of flipped upside down. A few weeks before coming home my younger sister found out she had cancer. I came home right after her surgery and she was so thin and weak. I was so glad I could come home and be closer to her. A week after Amy's devastating news I found out that my oldest sister's marriage was about to be over. This came out of NOWHERE and left me in complete shock. I remember crying all night and not being able to stop. I was so grateful we were flying home in two weeks. I felt so far from my family. Even though I wanted to be with my family, it was hard. We all dealt with things so differently. So many raw emotions in the air. Seeing a glimpse of what Rebecca and her daughters had to suffer was terrible. I just kept thinking it wasn't fair and shouldn't be happening, but no one can be held accountable, if God doesn't permit others to make their own decisions.

Greg and I then moved in with his parents, something I never thought I'd do. I had criticized others that lived with their parents, in my head, again and again. And here I am, six months later, completely eating all my words. I'm glad we're living here, but it took me a few months to adjust. I haven't had to "check in" with someone other than Greg, for almost a decade. I've been completely independent from my parents for at least 8 years and really took pleasure in doing things on my own. Suddenly having someone shop for groceries, cook every meal, clean every dish and even do some of my laundry for me kind of sent me into a depression. Suddenly everything I do in life was taken away from me and it was hard to feel my life had any purpose or accomplishment to it. It's hard having "roommates" again. Sometimes you want something else for dinner, or want something done a different way, or sometimes I just want it to be quiet. Things are better now. And as much as I hate to say it, it's been good for me- us living here. I've been forced to change in certain ways. It's amazing the flaws you don't think you have until, one day, you realize you have them.

Looking for a job was no fun- I'm sure everyone can relate to that right now. The only job I could find, was one that pays a lot less, has crappy irregular hours and is sometimes just plain gross. The statement that is something like- the harder you work, the less you get paid- I am definitely feeling that right now. But if I didn't have this, I'd probably still be out of a job and Greg and I wouldn't be bringing in ANYTHING, so we're grateful. It was stressful when Greg didn't hear anything back (and still hasn't) from almost all the jobs he applied to over 4 months time. It looks as though he's going to get hired to the police soon and we're very excited.

Oh yeah, and trying to get pregnant can be stressful too! Not to mention my hormones going wacky after stopping my birth control.

Experiencing all this simultaneously has been the most draining, exhausting, emotional, horrible moments of my life! There are a couple experiences in my life that compare, but I have to say they all tie, because each experience has at one time (or season) left me feeling completely broken. That being said, Greg almost has a job- so there is a BIG light at the end of the tunnel. One that says, "You WILL have your own place again!" Amy's cancer is in remission- HOORAY!!!! Health is on the way. Rebecca signed the divorce papers a couple weeks ago and now she can start her life again! She can start anew. Basically, as crappy as things have been the last 6 months, it's as if someone found a magic eraser and is erasing it all away! As quickly as it all came on, suddenly it seems almost over! And looking back on it all, we've all made it through and we're all stronger!

I've been looking at other's blogs and it's made me feel really blessed. Other's problems have been going on longer than 6 months and still aren't over. And, as much as I felt affected, the biggest stresses I've dealt with this year didn't even happen to ME. It was happening to my loved ones. I'll never know what they've felt, only what I've felt. Greg and I have so much to be grateful for. Well my 28th Birthday is 11 days away and I've been feeling pretty depressed about it. I was telling Greg all the reasons why and he says to me, "You never know, it could be the best year ever." I laughed, I thought his comment was so ridiculous. How could that be? Then I thought about all the things that are possible. In my 28th year- Greg could start his career, we could buy a house, I could find a job I really love, and I could get pregnant. With these thoughts swirling in my head I thought, "Wow, this could be the best year of my life!" And suddenly I wasn't so sad anymore. Of course, none of these things could happen as well. But why not pray for it and hope for it, anyway. That's what I'm going to do.

I want to wish everyone a VERY HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!