Thank Heaven for Little Girls!

I've realized that having a girl definitely puts a different vibe in this house. Or at least the house I imagine when I get these sudden visions of her little body crawling around. I mean, would this be around if we were planning for a little boy?

I don't think so. Or would I put these on a little boy?

Nope. These are just a few of the gifts or things I've gotten off craigslist for super cheap. This is all my stock for 0-3 months.

I got 57 pieces of clothing for $20 on craigslist and 73 pieces for FREE from a girl in the ward!!! She also gave me this.

Isn't it cute? Another thing I probably wouldn't have accepted if we weren't gonna have a baby girl! I never imagined I'd dress her up in constant pink, but I see these clothes and they are SO CUTE!!!! My cousin-in-law gave me one of those little pearl bracelets too. There are just so many fun things you can't do with a boy. It's been really fun. People are coming all out of the woodwork just wanting to give us stuff! We have been so blessed. When we moved we were given a tv, washer, dryer, couch, and shelves. And now people are just giving us baby stuff left and right. I've been so overwhelmed by the blessings!

Pregnancy is kicking in. I suppose it's about time, eh? The last 2 months all I've been saying is, "I feel wonderful! I honestly don't feel any different, in fact, I think I feel better than normal!" No more. I wouldn't say I feel horrible, just suddenly . . . things are different. It's harder to get up and down. I need to brace myself each time. I'm slower. I can't move as well and I'm not even that big. I cannot imagine how handicapped I'm going to be once I'm full grown! I don't want to think about it! I snuggle Greg and I can just feel my stomach. Everything's growing rounder and bigger. I know it's the way it's supposed to be but the other night I dressed up for Greg and looked in the mirror to see my round stomach and thought, "Hmm . . . not so sexy." But what can ya do? It is what it is and it's only going to get bigger. It's weird, somedays my stomach feels all stretched and TIGHT. It always relaxes the next morning, but for a good day or so it feels like my clothes are strangling me, but it's really just my skin that hasn't stretched. At least, this is my theory and observation.

So we keep meeting all these families in our ward that are basically our age but have 3-4 kids and I think, "How on earth are you this young and have so many kids?! Impossible!" But I suppose if I would've started at 20 or 21, I could have as many. I've known for awhile now that I'm a late starter in this department and whined about it heavily, but it's just weird to meet all these large families that are basically our age. Yeah, the standard family in our ward has 4+ kids. It makes me wonder the influence it will have on our magic number in the future. I realize more and more how different it is here versus Eugene. I always think however I was raised is just how it is. I'm so wrong. I grew up among hippies and a liberal university. Our ward averaged 3 kids, everyone was well traveled and educated. It's just not like that here, but I wouldn't say it's bad at all, it's just been really different!

With Greg's new job we've have to make all these DECISIONS. For instance- life insurance. Something I have NEVER thought about before. His job comes with some automatically, but we have the option to up it. Debating how much money I want if Greg dies is just a strange and unpleasant conversation. I don't like to think about Greg dying. I know it's just a precaution, just like health insurance, but it was just the weirdest conversation. We also need to talk about what happens if he actually DOES die. Like there's something he fills out and seals up for the police department explaining who tells me that he died and what happens next, blah, blah, blah. That will be even more fun. All these things make me feel older and it's just weird.

Greg is leaving in less than 2 weeks. I am not excited. I'm wondering if I'm going to have a complete breakdown that first week and get really depressed the following months. Hopefully not. Hopefully miracles will happen and I believe they can- but will they? Probably sometimes, but not all the time. I will just have to be on top of things and not let myself be idle. But that's always been something I struggle with. Today for instance, I had a weird nightmare, which always puts me in a funk and then I went to the doctor to find out something a little unpleasant about my placenta and I know that I shouldn't freak out, but ya know, I do a little and I go home to an empty house and I'm just feeling sad! I completely have stuff to do and am hungry but instead I make pudding and have 3 bowls and surf the net and only encourage my ill feelings. After a ridiculous amount of time I finally get up and am productive and eat and lo and behold I feel better. I'm not an idiot, I know if I would've done this 5 hours ago, I would have felt better 5 hours ago. Why don't I? I don't know. This is my main concern when Greg leaves. I know how to make myself happy, but I don't always.

I'm sure the fam is thinking, "What about your placenta?!!!" Well, I guess the umbilical cord (if I'm remembering it all right) is barely attached to the placenta, which means they are a little concerned that the baby might not be getting enough food. But the thing is, even if that happens, there's nothing that can be done. It just is. But this situation just happens sometimes and babies still are born completely healthy. It's just one of those wonderful miracles of technology that gives you so much information that you only have more things to give you worry. She said it just means we'll do an extra ultrasound to monitor the baby and that I need to pay attention and make sure she's kicking all the time- BUT I NEVER FEEL HER KICK!!! Maybe once a week? Hardly ever and it's only a moment or two before it ends. At first I was all sad about it and then someone said, "Maybe she's just mellow." And then I thought, "Well, hey, that's not a bad thing." But today the doctor said the way my placenta is positioned on top which means that the baby is just kicking that and that's why I don't feel anything. So that made me feel better because people ask me ALL THE TIME, "Do you feel her kicking all the time?" And I hate saying no. It makes me feel awkward.

Well the house is coming along and it makes me feel sooooo much better. For the last 3 weeks it seems every night there's somewhere to go, something to buy and suddenly another $100 of unexpected expenses. Wowsa, we've had more of those than I expected, but I think we've finally purchased everything we need and our bank account can take a break. Last night Greg came home at 5pm and dinner was ready and then we just had the evening together! It was amazing! There was nothing we had to do and we just relaxed. We both commented on how it was weird, but I'm excited because it's not weird, it's just back to normal- it's just been so long since we've had normal! But in 2 weeks it will be gone and won't come back, because we'll have a newborn once he's home again!