The other night I made Greg feed Scarlet so I could do the dishes. I knew he was really tired, but I wanted to get the house work done. All thru out my work I kept hearing him snore and would yell at him to wake up and then finally I finish and come over to this . . .
Empty bottle, both of them, mouths open and completely OUT.
Pretty stinking hilarious. Here are some other photos. She is the smiliest girl.
She is the smiliest in the morning. She always smiles SO BIG at me and Greg when we go get her from the crib. She'll be crying and we go in and BIG SMILES. It's the best and makes me feel so good.
I gotta say, I am definitely her favorite right now. I love it. Not long ago I wondered, "Does she even know who I am? Am I just a person, like anyone else?" Nope, she knows who I am and she LOVES ME! I can always make her smile. She is so fun to play with now! She is so reactive! I love it! And as of tonight she was totally talking to us! It was the sweetest thing and made me tear up! It was this soft little voice. I loved it.
Greg loves singing and playing guitar for her. She likes it too.
I love watching them together. It makes me happy. Scarlet discovered her tongue awhile ago and is always covered in her saliva now. Almost all day long. She's always covered 'cause she's constantly licking her lips. When we hold her she licks are arms or shirts or whatever is there. I cannot believe how much I love this girl. It really is just like they say, "It's different with your own." I knew I would love her and I know people are capable of deeper love, but man- it has grown RAPIDLY!!!! I feel like just this week it's grown 100 fold. I simply can't get enough. As you can tell in the pictures, she has fattened up quite a bit. I love it. Every time I change that diaper I'm shocked and wonder, "Are there MORE rolls than there were yesterday?" She's changing so fast (another thing people say all the time). As much as I love her, I find myself missing when she was a small little newborn, sad that I won't get to hold her that way again. I get how people can "want a baby again".
I haven't pumped in a week and it feels sooooooo good. I am a MUCH saner person now. Last week I thought I'd give it another go after "giving up again" and right when I stuck those pumps on, I felt the "crazy" turn on again. I don't know what it is. Only those who've gone through this seem to understand, but pumping flips on a crazy switch and it feels good to have it off finally. I do have these waves of longing to nurse her. Just the other day, I was watching her and had the thought, "She's so much bigger now, maybe she could nurse." But that just isn't a reality. I will never be able to nurse her and that's just unfortunately the way it is. I think I'll always wish I could and have these waves of sadness or longing. Hopefully I can nurse the next one and the feeling I won't have those feelings anymore. I tell ya, things just happen that you don't expect. I never thought I'd have a miscarriage. I never thought I wouldn't be able to nurse. It never even occured to me that this could happen. Ugh, I don't want to think about all the horrible things I never expected that are just down the road for me and Greg. Super fun. But that's not the way to think. There are even more GREAT things, and that's the thing to remember and focus on.
Today was the Christmas Program at church. I have been practicing like crazy (have I said that word a lot this post or what?!) for it and am SO RELIEVED to finally have it behind me. Greg had me play fun songs on the piano for us to sing to, the other night, and I thought, "Wow, I love to play the piano." I had honestly forgotten because all I had time to do was work on these 3 pieces that seemed so difficult for me. I'm so glad it's done and I'm so glad I did a good job. I was pretty concerned I would bomb because that's what always happened at choir practice.
Greg's schedule is CRAZY!!!!!! This week . . . he worked 7pm-7am Mon, Tues, and Wednesday. That part is normal. But he had to go to court Wednesday, which means! He worked ALL NIGHT and got home after 10am and had to GO TO COURT at 2pm, which means he only got 3 hours of sleep. And then he comes home and is all wired and doesn't want to go to sleep at 4pm and wake up at midnight and be up all night. So he just stays awake and basically sleeps 3 hours in 2 days. And he never has a day off anymore. On all his days off he has to go in for court or grand jury. He only had one REAL day off all this week. Not to mention they threw in a random shift that is COMPLETELY OPPOSITE of his schedule right now. So today he had to get up at 4am to go to work (which makes him tired and want to sleep in the early evening) but tomorrow he works 7PM-7AM so if he goes to bed early and wakes up early, he's gonna pull a 24 hour day. But if he STAYS UP to SLEEP IN he'll be pulling a 24 hour-ish day anyway, just today instead of tomorrow. It is impossible to get this sleeping thing down! And it's becoming WAY TOO routine to just NOT SLEEP or come home SO TIRED that he just skips dinner EVERYDAY. He's losing weight and it's not on purpose. Anyway, it's been a lot to get used to.
So little Scarlet is 100% on formula now. There's a LITTLE breast milk left in the freezer that we dip into when she gets sick. The formula definitely has been effecting her differently than my breast milk (more gas, more sickness, more fussiness) but it's just the way it is. It's unfortunate and I feel bad for her, but life is just too crazy right now to add a crazy Mom in the mix. Christmas is in a week! I have never been so detached from a holiday in my life. I've barely noticed it's on the way. Life has been all consuming these days and I'm starting to think it's never going to end. I've been saying, "I think life's gonna calm down soon," for around 3 months. Honestly, I probably have been saying that ever since Greg went to the Academy (7 months ago). So I'm starting to think this is just the way life is and I'm just gonna have to roll with it. Holy cow, can you believe we moved into our house 7 months ago? How has it been that long? I can't believe how bare our walls still are. Anyway, I'm tired. I'm going to bed.
Oh yeah! I went to the YMCA with a friend and we did the ZUMBA class! It was fun! It kicked my butt! Oh man, after 15 minutes I was dizzy, but I kept going the full hour. Holy cow, that's a way to work off this baby fat! I really want to join and start going twice a week. Alright, I really am tired now. Goodnight!!!
8 comments:
Those are the cutest pics, I love the ones with you and her in the bathroom and Greg singing to her. The sleeping ones are hilarious! I'm so glad you did well on your pieces, isn't Heavenly Father kind?! It is so wonderful to love someone that much and know they love you too! I love it when they start cooing. It is the sweetest sound. I think things will calm down eventually, things are just crazy right now. I love you!!
I remember when I struggled to nurse with Gunnar. It was so hard. I ended up switching to formula about 5 months. At first I felt so bad and so quilty about it but it was necessary. I soon realized the freedom that comes from formula. We struggles greatly with constipation when we made the switch. Hopefully her little body will get used to it soon. Hopefully this next year will be a calmer one for you.
My co-worker goes to ZUMBA and she LOVES it! Ummmm those pics are just so cute! I love that little one. Also- I'm sorry that life is so stressful for you! I hate stress. I kinda feel like once you grow up- life doesn't calm down. How annoying. I'm so happy she's talking to you! I bet she has such a sweet little voice. And I loved that pic of greg and her when he's singing and playing guitar. How cute. Love you so much!!!!!!!!!
That was such a great post- I LOVE the scarlet pics obviously. I love the one of greg playing to her- and she's looking at him like "why are you doing that" she's just making a funny face. And then every pic of you is gorgeous! Is motherhood just making you glow or something? because seriously- ever since you had thsi baby, i have never seen you look more gorgeous- and that is the TRUTH! It is crazy! You seriously have this crazy gorgeous glow about you. I have the hugest compliment for you from someone else, but I want to tell you over the phone. Yowsa on Greg's schedule- I do'nt know how he's doing it- oh my gosh that pic of him and scarlet! When he's asleep! that's funny! And sad taht he's that tired. love you!
I love her! She is SO smiley! SO SO CUTE!!! She's getting big, fast! Isn't it CRAZY how in the blink of an eye, she's big, and she used to be this tiny little warm swaddled thing so teensy, and now she sits in her bumbo, so big, reacts to you, smiles and coos...I mean people always told me that it "goes by so fast" yada yada, but it's true! I want time to slow down! John said we have to throw away Everett's exersaucer because it's teaching him to stand, and he's not ready for our baby to get big! LOL, so fun!
I'm dying to try out zumba but I think it might kill me! hahaha
I love all of the smiles! And the sleeping pic -- too funny. I bet the talking is adorable. I remember when Brecken started doing that I loved having little "conversations" with him, he got so into it.
I bet Greg's schedule is hard. That's what time Ren worked for 3 yrs and we never really got used to it. Hang in there!
You are such a good writer. What you wrote would take me DAYS and DAYS of writing and re-reading. I loved reading all of this. Scarlet is so incredibly cute. I LOVE the picture of you guys together in the mirror. So precious.
I'm sorry life is so overwhelming right now. I am so glad you stopped pumping.
Don't you love being her favorite? I know EXACTLY what you mean, when you wonder if you're just another person to your baby and then all the sudden you realize they know you and love you and want you the most. It's GREAT.
She sounds so cute that she talks.
I hope you had a good Christmas. It's over now. One less thing for you to stress about.
And I wish you didn't even send us a gift. I totally forgot you were assigned to us. We wouldn't have cared and would've understood completely. I'm sorry that was on your list of stressers. I love you so much.
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