Alright, alright. It's been long enough. I just haven't felt like getting down to writing everything out. But now that I'm on here- I remember how much I like to blog!

This is sort of hopping back in time.

Our first visitors after we arrived in Yachats were Laurel and Ari!!! We didn't really get good pics of the kids, but here they are!

Watching Frozen.

 I felt bad because my kids were chowing down on cookies and crackers and so Ari was wanting the same thing, of course. They were also watching way too much tv. I hate when my kids are around all that stuff and it's just a bad influence. Overnight WE were the ones creating the bad influence. It was a short visit, but a good one. I'm glad they came. Just 15 minutes after they arrived, my cousin Lindey and her family stopped by on a whim. I hadn't seen them in years. It was really fun to meet her kids and catch up a little bit. I felt bad because Laurel had literally JUST arrived and so I kind of ignored her because I hadn't seen my cousin in 6 years and they were only staying an hour or so. It was unfortunate timing, but Laurel and I stayed up late talking that night and that was nice. I love Laurel. I say that all the time to Greg.

Next Amy and Maddie came to visit. I had the time of my life with Amy. That girl makes me laugh. It was great being around Maddie and seeing who she is. She is such a sweet heart. It reminded me of how things used to be when it was just Scarlet and me.

Then my grandparents came to visit. I was so glad my kids got to know them better. Grandma sang tons of songs to them and they loved it. The weather was nice and the kids ran around out front for awhile. It brought me back to summers- running around outside with my cousins. It was so great seeing them play. I absolutely loved it.

Poor Grandpa had a nasty fall the previous day. He wasn't feeling too well :(

They munched on cereal with Mom.

Lizzie came with her kids for 4 days??? The kids had a blast. Brighton loved Tanner so much. It made me really excited for his little brother to come :) Scarlet loved Kate and Elle. They all had so much fun. I loved seeing her play with her cousins. It made me really happy and really sad that she can't have more of it in Kyrgyzstan.

Mom and Dad were awesome and SO helpful. Dad went out a LOT of mornings with Brighton, which was SO wonderful. I was so glad Scarlet and Brighton got to know Mom and Dad so much better. They really haven't had much contact with them, at least not face to face. They were both really sad to leave. It was such a blessing not to have to cook. I didn't provide one meal!!! I thought I was going to contribute so much more, but it just didn't happen. Mom and Dad were both really patient with me and the kids. Jetlag and stress makes for tantrums and a stressed out Mom, but they were really good to us. I was really glad we could stay there.

There were these boogie boards that the kids drug around, pretending it was their luggage. It was SO CUTE!!! I loved it.

The first 2 weeks we were there, the kids and I were out almost every morning. It was great. There were these great little puddles, all along the shore line. Brighton, particularly LOVED to run and splash in the water. He had such a blast. Scarlet did, until some cousins came and told her that the ocean was dangerous and sharks and whales would get her. After that she wouldn't even get on the sand for a week straight. It took a long time for me to even figure out WHY she was suddenly afraid of the ocean. I think it was Mom who finally figured out or asked the right question and she told us why she was afraid. But when we told her it was safe- she just plain wouldn't believe us! And then she would say, "Why did Kate and Elle say that? Were they lying to me?" So then that got awkward. It was hard to know what to say. But after a week of different people telling her it was safe and just plain making her come out with us, she forgot or decided it was safe and played again on the beach. But there was a good week or two afterward where she wouldn't set one foot outside. It was really sad!

It was windy most days and it got chilly a lot, but the kids had a blast. Pat and Randy came one weekend and the kids loved it. They took Scarlet to the aquarium and Randy was just a big kid and the kids loved playing with him.

The hardest part about it all was that the kids never slept as much as they needed to. They were averaging 1 1/2 hour later bedtime a night, and that 1 1/2 hour was a constant battle between us. Instead of me exhaling and relaxing from the long day, I was running up and down the stairs giving time outs, threating and getting so upset. It was the worst, and it was every night. I think there were exactly 2 nights that WEREN'T like this. It was the worst.

I'm sorry but my kids are so CUTE!!!

Ok. We arrive in Eugene the 21st. Greg gets in late that night. The 24th I went into labor. 3 days after Greg got here!!! He went to bed at 6pm that night, still jetlagged, and I woke him at midnight to tell him I was definitely having a baby. Super fun. I wanted to wake him earlier, but at the same time thought, "If I'm having a baby tonight, I want him well rested to stay up with me all night!" And it turned out that's exactly what happened. Can you believe Greg flew 30 hours to the USA and 4 days later had a new baby? Crazy. I'm glad he made it. 4 days is not a long grace period. This is me, when we arrive at the hospital. They're checking me out and debate whether to admit me. I just about died when they said that. I was dilated to a 4 and it wasn't automatic that they would keep me. I did not want to have wasted my time. But they kept me. And then the fun began.

Delivering a baby pretty much stinks. I've grown rather sour to the whole thing, since birthing Marius. I feel slightly bad for my negative attitude towards it, but it just IS. This round of baby having was pretty traumatic for me, emotionally. It was not fun. That is such an understatement.

So . . . back up. The 24th, I wake up and go for a prenatal check up at my doctor's. Meanwhile, the day before I keep saying to Greg, "I think this baby is coming soon." I just felt like he was coming. My doctor tells me I'm dilated to a 3 which absolutely THRILLS me. I've never been that dilated before labor. This whole pregnancy I've had this feeling I was going to deliver QUICKLY. That I shouldn't wait in getting to the hospital and that I definitely should be IN a hospital WITH an OBGYN. Before these feelings, I had always wanted a midwife in a birthing center, if possible. I completely had the chance and it was RIGHT next to the hospital, but I just had this feeling not to do it that way. It had me SLIGHTLY concerned to feel this way, but I didn't let myself get frazzled by it. As soon as I leave my doctors appointment I can't take a step without contracting. It just keeps happening. I go get lunch at Mucho Gusto and the whole drive there I have these pressing thoughts of, "You need to wrap it all up. You need to pack your hospital bag NOW, you need to write out the kid's schedules/needs for Chris and Laurel/Mom NOW. All your prep work needs to be done ASAP." So I keep having these thoughts press on my mind and can't help thinking, "Am I having this baby today? Maybe tomorrow?" I eat lunch and want to run some small errands but those thoughts creep back to me and say, "No, go home as soon as you're done eating." So after all this I'm starting to think I'm going to have this baby today.

So I go to the hotel and tell Greg how I'm feeling and decide, "If I'm at the start of my labor, I'm going to rest so I have energy when the time comes." Looking back, I think this was a bad move. When I don't do anything- my labor just calms and does nothing! When I move around and do stuff, it progresses! So I literally laid around in bed watching tv and "relaxing" all day and I had a contraction about every 20 minutes ALL DAY LONG. So all day I thought I was in labor but by the evening I thought, "Well, I guess this isn't happening!" I think it even stopped a couple hours at that point (which happened with Scarlet- I think I had a 4 hour break in the middle of it). So at the end of the night, I was emotionally tired, because I was anxious all day, thinking I was in labor. But I wasn't tired, because I'd literally laid around all day. Greg was jet lagged and sleeping and I was SO BORED and in such a bad mood. But then a couple hours later everything started to kick in gear again and the pains were getting worse and more like every 5 minutes or so. Hmm . . . so I do this for a bit and wake up Greg around midnight???? I knew we weren't ready to go in yet, but I was sick of laboring alone. He was great and stayed up with me and we just watched tv and I think he timed my contractions. So at some point we decide to go to the hospital and we call his brother Chris. It was great, because he came LATE at night, sometime around 2am. We were so grateful to him. And we called my Mom and she DROVE 2 hours over here in the middle of the night!!! I was glad he came when he did because the contractions were pretty painful by then.

Going to the hospital to have a baby is always so weird. Conversations and walking are always in spurts. It's constantly interrupted by, "I'm having a contraction. Wait . . ." and me closing my eyes and leaning on something. I hate it and it makes me feel so awkward.

SO! I check in, it takes a little while for them to examine me, etc and we eventually get settled and I labor a couple hours and they check me again and I'm at a 5/6. Awesome! Totally progressing. Handling everything well and feeling really positive. So the nurse encourages me to get into the tub and I'm a little hesitant because I remember my sister telling me that can slow down your labor. The nurse swears up and down that it doesn't do a thing so after some hesitation I think, "Well why not? It will soften the contractions. Why torture myself if it can feel better?" So I get in and immediately the contractions are NOT AT ALL as bad. But . . . they start slowing down. Hmm . . . I just go with it and two hours later they check me again and I'm told I'm at a 5!!!! Say what? It WAS a different person checking me. But it was a major blow. I clearly had suffered 2 hours of contractions for NOTHING!!! I was pretty shocked and upset. I don't know how much time passed, maybe another two, but it seemed like nothing was happening and I was getting VERY tired. They offer the option to break my water to makes things start happening. I was hesitant, just for the sake of keeping it "natural" and letting my body decide how this labor will be, but at one point I just decided, "I can't do this all day" and told them to break my water. When it did, the nurse kept telling me that my contractions would be VERY different and a LOT more painful and what do you know- she was right. Within 15 minutes things started to get serious. I have no idea the time frame here on out, but I had back labor, which pretty much SUCKED. I would have my contractions and I'd feel them fade, but it felt like they never ended because my back was pretty much contracting nonstop- no exaggeration. It never slowed or stopped. It was constant and it sucked. It was the worst. I can't even describe it to you. It was awful. So at some point I start really complaining about this, and the nurse tells me to move around to different positions to relieve the pressure on my back. So I get on all fours and it was a LOT better. SO much better. But here's the thing- I had been awake almost 24 hours at this point, and CONTRACTING and ANXIOUS for 24 hours. It takes it's toll on one's body. So I was physically exhausted! After 5 minutes, my arms could do it anymore! I had to relieve them. So then it was back to the unbearable back pain! It was the worst. This is the point when I start to go crazy and start saying things like, "I don't know. Maybe I wanna get an epidural. I don't know if I can do this much longer . . ." etc. etc.

It seemed like I was at a 5/6 forever. I swear I PUSHED when I was still only at a 5/6. Maybe I was finally a 6/7. I just remember thinking it was still a long way off and then a nurse tells me, "You're only dilated this far, but I can stretch you all the way to a 10, so you can push as soon as you feel like it." And I thought that was so strange, but it wasn't long after that I DID start pushing.

Because I was stuck at a 5 forever, I really started to lose it and was basically begging for drugs by the end of it. I held out because Greg and the nurse kept avoiding what I was saying or just sternly encouraged me not to. I knew they were right when they told me I didn't want to do it and that it would make my recovery so much worse, but I just got to this point where I didn't care. In my head, I knew I would be mad, later- but at the same time I honestly didn't want to go on. It had just gotten too hard. I felt like such a failure because not only was I saying, "I just want an epidural so I can take a nap and not hurt anymore," I would also say, "I want an epidural and I wanna be pumped with pitocin and GET THIS BABY OUTA ME!!!!" Those last two hours I was screaming. My nurse even commented that while she was out in the hallway, some other nurse heard me yelling/screaming and said to her, "Is THAT coming from YOUR room?" The nurse wasn't telling me to be rude, she thought it was more humorous and responded to her, "Yep! We're havin' a baby!"

Ok, it's strange now looking back- because I was there for 8 hours, but it seemed like the last 2 lasted forever. Like THAT was the whole 8 hours. The rest just seems like two, but it doesn't work out time wise when I think about it literally. Where did that first 6 go?

Ok, pushing time. So at some point during my "I hate this/ I'm screaming/ breaking down/ crying about this/ I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE" phase I start to feel SO MUCH PRESSURE in my butt. I can't even tell you. It was the strangest. And the nurse tells me that this is the end. I always HATED when they said this. What did that mean? The last hour? The last half hour? 10 minutes? The whole debate for drugs at the end, they kept telling me, "You're almost there! It's going to go fast now. The hard part is behind you." And eventually I responded with, "That's what you told me 2 hours ago!" Because I didn't want to do this for 2 more hours. That just plain wasn't an option at that point. So, beyond just feeling such agony PHYSICALLY, going the whole way without drugs and then wanting to get on them was the absolute WORST. I mean, why did I suffer, just to relax the last 2 hours? I would've rather relaxed the whole 8! But too late now! Also, I REALLY WANTED to do it without drugs! I felt rather passionate about it. So emotionally I felt like such a HYPOCRITE. I felt shameful. These are not the emotions to add on top of EVERYTHING ELSE I was feeling in my body! I just remember leaning on Greg during contractions, screaming and then in between I would just cry and say, "I just don't wanna hurt anymore." I said it so many times. At some point I was desperately yelling it in the room, just to myself. I think I even was hitting the bed as I was yelling it. I felt a little foolish, like I looked like some immature adolescent slamming their hands down and yelling, but I just couldn't help myself anymore.

Ok. I'm feeling some SERIOUS pressure and the nurse is acting all excited- not to mention THIS nurse I met 5 minutes previous. MY nurse went for a break. At some point my nurse comes back and she tells me I can push when I feel like it. It's weird, the whole "when you feel like it". Once they say that I'm like, "Do I feel like it? I'm not sure I can tell." And it gets me a little panicky. I don't want to push or not push at the right time. And then WHAM! I'm never prepared. In one swift moment I'm pushing with all my might. In one sudden contraction I am pushing with all my might, for a really long time and I am MOANING a REALLY LOUD MOOOOOOOOAAAAN! I felt a little funny being so vocal- which is weird, considering how much SCREAMING I'd been doing the last hour, but I was a little embarrassed about my long loud moan. Suddenly, I hear the nurse say quickly to page the doctor, that he might not make it in time, but it's ok. She told me that whatever my body feels like, is what we're going to do and we can have the baby whether the doctor was there or not. Meanwhile there is a little frenzy in the room and someone is putting gloves on her. I was panicked and relieved that she told me I could have the baby. Panicked because it's scary, but relieved because I can't just not push if my body wants to push.

Once the pushing happens- EVERYTHING SLOWS DOWN. It feels SO much longer than it actually is. The whole thing, was probably 5 minutes. But it felt like 15 minutes of constant HELL. So I don't know why people tell me I can push how I want to. They always MAKE me get in a VERY specific position. Atleast they had me get in a PROPER position- unlike my last labor. But they had me in this permanent SIT UP/CRUNCH type position. It was the worst. How could I do a permanent sit up for 15 straight minutes after I'd been up for more than 24 hours IN LABOR!!!!!???? AND they kept telling me I had to hold my thighs and pull them straight back against my body AS HARD AS I COULD. Looking back, this IS good. But in the moment, I just said, "Can't YOU just push my legs back? WHY does it have to be this way? I can't do this!!!" I said, "I CAN'T" SO MUCH during the pushing. I definitely thought it a lot. So I'm pushing and I'm pushing and they just keep telling me I need to do MORE and I'm thinking, "Say what? I'm giving you all I've got. I couldn't POSSIBLY give you more. I'm about to PASS OUT from exhaustion." And yet the familiar request, "You need to do more." Oh I can't tell you how angry this made me. How DEFEATING it was to hear. That I'm not doing enough when I'm doing all I can. So I keep pushing with all my might and I feel him coming and I just keep thinking, "Isn't he out yet? Why aren't we done?" I was so confused. I was SO confused!!! They never told me of my progress. I kept thinking his head was out, but then after a couple more pushes, I would realize he WASN'T because I was STILL pushing. It seemed to never end. Then at some point, the doctor gets pretty STERN with me and says, "YOU have to do this. NO ONE else can!" Ok. So before I tell you the next part, know this- I had a small tear. No biggie at all. So be assure as I tell you what was going through my head next. As I'm pushing, my crotch literally feels like it's ripped in two. SO MUCH SO that I'm CERTAIN I have torn worse than has ever happened in history. I'm CERTAIN. Because I can FEEL IT. This is freaking me out and making me panic, but you know- all at the same time I'm contracting, people are staring and I'm still busy pushing out a baby. So when I realize he's still not even CLOSE to out and I have to push MORE I'm TERRIFIED. I think, "I've already torn so much, if I keep pushing I'll rip straight up to my belly button!" I've hit the crazy zone. So I'm TERRIFIED. I'm pushing with all my might and it's STILL not enough and I'm starting to think, "He's never coming out. I literally can't push him out and he's going to die inside me and I'm going to die too." I literally thought this. But after the stern comments from my doc I realized, I guess I just have to push this baby out. I have to rip myself open and get him out. There's just no way around it. So I did. And it was terrible. And when he was born and they put him on me- literally all I could think was, "I'm so glad it's done. I'm so glad it's done. That was terrible. And I never want to do this again." For the next three days I felt so traumatized from my labor, I was certain I'd never have another child again and it felt really weird. I just kept thinking, "I never wanna be pregnant again and I just CANNOT push out a baby again. NEVER. EVER. AGAIN." Now that time has passed . . . we'll see.

Oh yeah! Back it up! So right after I pushed his head out they all shouted, "STOP! Stop pushing!" And I was a little thrown, but I just stopped and waited and everyone was focused down on my crotch and I don't know if I asked or just heard them say that the cord was wrapped around his neck. Then after 30 seconds they told me to push again and I think it took 2 good pushes to get his body out. Greg saw the whole thing and said it looked really freaky, like he was all strangled. And because of this, his head was BLUE for a good hour. And I mean BLUE. It was crazy. At first ALL of him was blue, but then it didn't go away! We all were commenting on it. He was just SO BLUE. The nurse thought it was just some intense bruising. Then at some point I looked under the blanket and realized that his body turned pink, but his head was still bluer than ever. I WISH we had a picture because it was the craziest thing I've ever seen! But then at some point in those first two hours I noticed his scalp was turning pink and little by little his head turned pink. But it took a long time. At least an hour.

Besides ALL THE PAIN . . . we got a pretty cute and sweet baby out of the deal-

MARIUS BENJAMIN JENTZSCH

Born June 25, 2014

8 lbs 8 oz

20.5 inches long

The name. Greg's favorite book in the whole world in Les Misrable. He reads it every year. He loves it. The last few chapters of the book he is always bawling like a baby. Even though I've never read it myself, I FEEL like I have, because every time HE reads it, that's what we talk about until he finishes it. So I really feel like I know all the details and characters a lot more than the average person. MARIUS is a character in the book. Before we were even pregnant with Brighton, Greg told me how he thought Marius was such a cool name and we should name one of our kids that. I thought he was CRAZY and told him NEVER. That it was WAY too wild and different. When we got pregnant with Brighton, he brought it up again and I was just like, "Not a chance." Then when we got pregnant with MARIUS, it came up again and something he said made me think, "Well, I don't know. I think I like it now." So I said I'd consider it and little by little I got more and more comfortable with it and one night we talked it over and it was a done deal. Marius was the name. And we were both pretty excited about it. It's funny because when we decided, it was not that long ago that Les Misrable- the MOVIE- was a hot topic and so we were worried people would just think we did it 'cause of the movie, but actually- only a couple people have put it together. Turns out we were worried over nothing.

The middle name, Benjamin, is after Greg's cousin Ben Ford. We just really love him and are inspired by his life!

He's pretty cute and we love him!!! Before all the washing and weighing, they put him on my chest for 2 hours. It's a big deal to the hospital, to have skin to skin with Momma and nurse the baby before anything else happens. I thought it was really cool but sort hated that I felt like I couldn't hand him to Greg. I really wanted him to hold his own baby, but I felt like I wasn't allowed. I nursed him within the first hour, probably within 20 minutes and it went well. I couldn't believe how much easier it was this time. I think he's just simply better at it and obviously, me too.

All we could both think was how he looked so much like Scarlet, but now (3 weeks later) I think he's finally coming into his own and now he just looks like himself!

Ah, not being pregnant is so much better! This is about 2 hours after his birth.

He was born around 10am, and Mom brought the kids around 2pm. Scarlet's been waiting for this day a long time!!! Each day, and to everybody, she would talk about the baby being born. She would always ask if the baby would be born today or tomorrow, or some specific day.

It was good to see Brighton. I was concerned for him. He has had some major attachment/abandonment issues. I was worried he was afraid we'd left him. He was HAPPY to see us!

I just love this picture!

We left the next day. We were both really afraid to return home to the kids and kept saying that we'd stretch it out at the hospital. But then we just felt READY! So we came home the next afternoon right after I ate lunch. Man, eating was the best! I was dreading having to eat so much, but it was so enjoyable. Nothing hurt. There was ROOM for it. It was so satisfying.

This is little Ari, Chris and Laurel's daughter. So cute!!!

Pat and Randy came a few days later.

They brought toys for the kids, which was AWESOME. They also brought their BLENDER for us to use while we're here!!!! YEA!!!!

My Dad even came to see us!!! He had to come in town for business stuff, so he stopped by afterward.

I was glad he got to see him.

My Mom took care of the kids, while we were in the hospital. It was nice to have her there. I knew the kids were comfortable with her, so I wasn't worried about them at all. I think she stayed a week, in all. I thought I'd let her go early, because Greg didn't have to work- but I was so afraid to let her go. WAY more than with the other births. I was really terrified of having the kids around the baby. It was really great having an extra pair of hands and someone to hold him at night.

Brighton has had no trouble adjusting and LOVES Marius. It's hard to keep him away from him. The first few days were definitely difficult for him. He missed me a lot and wanted to be with me more than I could, but he didn't make the connection to Marius and never took it out on him. So that's good news! We were really concerned about the adjustment period.

Marius really is the sweetest little baby. So far, he seems even easier than Scarlet. He almost never cries and is really easy to sooth. He sleeps GREAT!!! He just wakes once in the night to feed and he stretches between 3-4 hours during the day. He's simply perfection!

Mom always makes us go on a date while she's here. It was NOT difficult this time! I did not want to come back! But I had to nurse. With the other two, I was always in tears after I shut the door and was really panicky during out "quick ice cream treat"- but THIS TIME!!!! No tears, no emotions except- YES!!!! Get me outta here! I wanna be kid free and alone with my husband!!!! We went to sushi and even went to dessert. It was the best. Came back to nurse him and then we went to a MOVIE!!!!! Booyah! 2 dates in one day!!!! Awesome! It was magical and so stress relieving. Thanks Mom!!!

We spent the 4th of July with the Jentzsches. The kids played with fireworks. They liked the sparklers.

I'd been wanting to give Marius a haircut since the day he was born. It took me a week to get to it. It was so nice, once it was done. It was hanging over his ears and too long in the back. It was hard to bear.

So much better.

Greg's parents have come up every weekend and the kids always have quite a day when they come. It usually involves swimming and then some other big activity. They're always pretty tuckered out by the end of the weekend and so are we.

My friend EMILY was in town and we got to hang a few times. It was GREAT. It had been 3 years at least. Too too long. We caught up on our lives and it was just plain good to be in her presence. I really love this girl.

Seriously cute.

Greg has been dreaming about setting up a zip line for MONTHS. He finally brought the equipment he needed and set it up! The kids LOVED IT!!! It was so much fun!

I love this picture.

Scarlet is really into making silly faces these days.

We went to Grandma and Grandpa's for hotdogs and it was so nice to see them!!!

I'm glad the kids are getting to know them.

Shannon and Ralph came to see us, which was great. Pat and Randy were here too, and of course Laurel and Chris (they live here). We all went to the park and then to the circus. Like I said before, big filled days. The circus was fun. It was HOT! HOT! HOT!!! I thought I was going to lose my mind, it was so hot, at first. Yowsa.

So holy smokes, I think this was only the first couple of weeks after Marius was born. He's four weeks old, now. It's taken me 3 weeks to get this out!!!