This is a small shout out to the wretched toilet paper that is all over Kyrgyzstan. This is the USUAL toilet paper- unless you're in a really nice place. As you can see, it's literally like that birthday streamer paper. Crinkly and coarse and it stretches. I really hate it. It makes me feel gross. I need to get a shot of the squat toilets before I go. 

We're moving in 2 weeks! All our stuff got packed up a couple days ago. It actually feels quite nice and fresh in the house. Really spacious and no clutter! No more messes to clean up! I almost fool myself into wanting to live with nothing- except I know it's only working out because I froze 3 weeks of meals to eat while we have nothing to use in the kitchen! The Pack Out was pretty stressful for the kids. They were really interested and watched the men working a LOT, even in the cold rain- they ran outside to stare at them loading the boxes. They were pretty cute. But they were pretty emotional those two days. It was not fun.

So depending on the SEASON of my life, the last year and a half I've been going to Zumba 2-3 times a week. After I sweat it out in class, I often go to Sierra Coffee for something chocolate and sit alone and read my kindle.  It's GREAT. It's my little escape. Sierra is the most "American" place you can go here. The menu is very American, as well as the music and decor. You feel like you're in a Starbucks and it's AWESOME. The first few months I began this little ritual, it literally saved my life! I would literally tear up walking in the door because it brought me back home and just always made me emotional. It probably effected me that way for 3 months! I really hope I can find something similar to "get away" to in the Philippines. Though, honestly I'm hoping I can find a poi spin class and just do my Zumba at home. We shall see.

This is April Carson teaching Primary in our living room. We're missing the Bole Family, they have another 9, 7 and 4 year old to add to Primary. I've been amazed at how incredible the lessons have been with our tiny little Primary. April is such an incredible teacher. My kids actually listen and will talk about her lesson later that day! The boy on the right is Elec (April's youngest son). He is TRULY an angel. Him joining Primary has been such a blessing. He actually sits still, pays attention and participates. It's been great.

Primary has been a little difficult for Brighton. He's only 2! He should be in Nursery running around, but instead he's supposed to be still and quiet for Primary. We mostly let him run around, but he's been doing so much better the last few weeks! I like that he gets to participate.

Sigh . . . primary. I don't know what to say about it. It's been quite exhausting and I'm really thrilled to be leaving this particular primary. I've been really grateful for the other kids EXISTING because that way we've actually had a REAL PRIMARY. My kids now understand that each sunday, we have sacrament meeting and afterwards is primary. I love that they understand and participate in that routine. BUT! The Bole kids have been the most obnoxious and uncontrolled children I will probably meet in my entire life. I can't even describe it to you. To put it bluntly, my 2 year old has WAY MORE SELF CONTROL than their 4 year old. I mean it's insane. He CANNOT hold still, as if he's been put on an IV of caffeine, right before sacrament meeting. I've just never seen anything like it. And then there's Adam, who is 9 and refuses to do anything but LAY DOWN. He lays on the couch, or lays on the floor. He absolutely refuses to sit in any way. He's either complaining that questions are way too easy (when we ask one of the younger kids something) or just plain won't participate. He will outright say, "This isn't fun. I hate this. This is THE WORST. I hate singing. Why do we have to sing in Primary?" And if he isn't COMPLAINING out loud- it's all over his face. His eyes and expressions are SO DEFEATING TO ME. If one kid is pleased, the other is whining about it. There is just no pleasing any of them. I know some kids don't like primary or get bored, but to have it be so in my face and literally half of the primary- it makes it difficult. I really do try too! They have more energy than any kids I've ever seen, so I think of fun physical activities to do with them, but then they get so hyped up and out of control, I completely lose them. I practically HAVE to plan boring things or they won't pay attention. 

Little Marius. He walks now. He has been changing up his sleep habits- as in NOT TAKING 2 NAPS!!!! I can't figure out if it's a stage, or he's actually phasing out a nap and just needs one. It's wayyyyyy early for that, but he's been pretty early for everything else too. He's crawled and walked 2 months earlier than Brighton and Scarlet. He doesn't say words. He has said Dadda quite a bit, but not consistently at all. I think he said Mamma ONCE, just repeating after me. He always sounds like a monkey and I am always mimicking him. I really don't say that much to him, to be honest! I'm always repeating his jibber jabber to him and we laugh about it. I'm realizing now, maybe I should be talking to him more? But at the same time, he never pays much attention to me. I try to sing or read him books but he's much to busy to hang with me. He's either looking at what the kids are doing, or doing his own thing. Once the kids are in bed- if he's still up- SUDDENLY I'm the awesome thing and he LOVES to hang out and play with me. But literally- it's only in this exact scenario. I'm definitely his mamma and his safe place if he's hurt or unsure of his surroundings- but at home, oh man, I'm almost useless to him.

He's not really a snuggler. Lately he's been giving Greg and I hugs and kisses and it's great. I love his affection. But he smiles at us all the time. He's a really happy little guy. He doesn't like riding in the car. He cries a lot in there and it's not fun. He won't even bother with toys anymore. He just throws them when I hand them to him. He climbs on everything! The tables, the stairs, the couch and little ledges he finds. He'll just be hanging onto the baby gate, completely off the ground and start crying. He loves to get in the fridge, the toilet and the dishwasher. We always have to be speed demons when using those things. He still pinches and grabs my glasses off my face and hits a bit. Everytime I try to tell him no and be gentle, he's just looking off and trying to scramble out of my arms. It's hard to get him to listen when he doesn't even pay attention to me talking to him. Once in awhile he listens and hears me say no and then he REALLY CRIES. It surprises me everytime. I get the most mixed emotions of- "he understands!' to "oh my gosh, look at his sad face, I feel so bad!" He really expresses how he feels now if he's mad. He's stand at the door and pound on it and cry, because he wants to go outside. He cries at the door when Daddy goes to work- so sad!

Lately Brighton will FREAK when Daddy goes to work. They yell bye the whole walk to the car and Brighton continues to shout from the door, even once Greg can't hear him, then when the garage door closes he MELTS DOWN crying that he didn't say goodbye. So we call Greg on the phone and they say goodbye and Brighton feels better again. It's a little exhausting sometimes.

The kids still completely love him. They demand a hug and kiss from Marius before they go to sleep. He's finally eating real food! He takes it better when we feed him with a spoon, versus him picking it up. He seems so big these days. In a couple months- that will be it! No more babies in the house! Just like that, it will be gone. Just little kids.

Brighton's great. He runs everywhere and FAST. I ran behind him this morning in the yard and I couldn't believe the energy he had! I was so winded! It was a real work out! And he does it all day long! Summer fruit has come in season and suddenly he's back in his old habits of only eating fruit. This little guy- I think he will always be little! He just doesn't care for calories!

Brighton has recently become a singer. He loves to sing songs and remembers the words really well! I love to hear him sing! And he loves to sing to me! He's constantly telling Greg and I how much he loves us. We love it. It's so sweet. For a good month or two we weren't aloud to kiss him and if we did he's wipe it off and get mad at us. The last week suddenly we're aloud again! He LOVES kisses now! And I've really missed kissing those sweet cheeks! When he said I could he said, "Sometimes I like kisses, and sometimes I don't like kisses." He's always saying "last times" this or "last times" that. It's so sweet. He loves to play Hi Ho Cherry-o and Candyland. He loves to play card games with Scarlet and I, but he's till too young to really understand how to play. He seems to be not so sick these days and that's been a wonderful break. He's a real mamma's boy and I sort of love it. Scarlet is definitely a Daddy's girl. It's just nice to have someone love you a lot, what can I say? We've had a really rough year, him and I and we are finally past it. The last two weeks, Brighton keeps telling me, with such sincerity that he really wants to see Jesus. And then I tell him that he will someday. But I know in his mind, he's thinking, "I want to see him today! Let's go to his house!" It's neat, he's been really listening these days to what we say and will talk about it with us when I talk about choosing the right and it making Jesus and Heavenly Father happy. I love that he's listening to me. It makes me feel good and happy that he's learning taking it all in.

Scarlet is READING!!!! It has been the most amazing thing to witness! I love to watch her and listen to her read. I love to see her think and sound things out and in the silence I can see her wheels turning and her mind is trying to figure it out. I just love that she's smart and uses her mind! I think it's so great! Her birthday misses the cut off for kindergarten. She's right at that border where she'd either be the oldest or youngest in class. Greg and I decided to wait one more year for her to start school. Everyone around us thinks it's weird, I mean they put their 2 year olds in full time preschool! But I am not ready to let her go during the day, and honestly I think she needs more time emotionally and socially. She is PAINFULLY SHY! The smallest change occurs and she goes silent and retreats to the edge of the room until we have a LONGGGGGG conversation about what's wrong and I convince her to try to play with the friends or participate in the class. I've really been blown away about how easily she gets insecure and freaked out! She is a sensitive little one. I told them The Good Samaritan story at bed time and suddenly she is FREAKED out about robbers and getting beat up and I can tell she's so rattled she can't sleep because she's so afraid! I have to be so careful about what I tell her. It's difficult because she is such a curious little thing and wants to know everything! She LOVES Go Fish and Old Maid. She wants to play all the time. She's been really into drawing lately! It's great! Her skills have really improved the last month! It's been so fun to see what she comes up with. She can even cut with scissors and glue it all together so sometimes she will bring something and tell me it's a bear and show me it's legs and whatever else is going on. 

Scarlet is always talking about being a Mom and having kids. She asks EVERYDAY about the Philippines and going home to visit family. I regret SO MUCH telling her SO EARLY. I will NOT do that again. I want to tell her 2 weeks before, next time. But it's hard to not talk about it all around the family or with friends and then she overhears. For the most part she is SO EXCITED to go. She can't wait to have a sleep over with cousins and see everyone. But once in awhile, she gets teary and VERY UPSET about leaving her friends. She gets so sad about it and it's hard to see her in so much pain and all I can do is give her a hug and tell her I understand. It doesn't take away what she's feeling- nothing can! And it's just gonna happen again in 2 years. I feel really bad! Scarlet LOVES to be tickled. She always wants me to be the tickle monster and they run around and I try to tickle them, but Scarlet hardly runs away, she just runs right up to me and waits for me to grab her. I barely need to touch her and she busts up laughing. She decided she wants to grow out her bangs. She is always making presents for people. She'll bring a shoebox, decorated in stickers and say she's bringing it on the plain for grandma or scribbles on a card and wants to send it to a cousin. EVERYDAY! It's hard to explain to her we can't bring it all on the plane. I'm talking 15 presents for relatives and friends! Too much! Brighton has started catching on and doing the same thing- but the presents are much simpler- a piece of paper with scribbles and he usually gives it to me.

Bedtime is usually me feeding Marius a bottle and putting him down. He's so restless, I don't even sing him a song or cuddle him anymore. He just wriggles right until I put him in his crib. He may cry for 3 seconds and then he's quietly sleeping the next 11 1/2 hours. Then I hear Brighton screaming that he wants me to brush his teeth instead of Greg. They struggle with the teeth brushing so much, it's really sad! For some reason, Brighton will relax with me, but almost never with Greg. Then I run in and brush Brighton. We tuck the kids in bed. Often we have to search the house for Tippy Tops, Brighton's stuffed triceratops. They always need their water bottles, because they will wake in the night crying for water otherwise. Scarlet cannot go to sleep without a story and Brighton like us to sing a song. So we do both and snuggle them along the way. Then we leave the closet light on and crack the door and I go change into sweats in my room and before I finish the kids run into my room because they want to sleep in our bed. Then we have to go get their water bottles, stuffed animals, etc and tuck them in and I get SO ANNOYED that we do the whole thing TWICE. When Greg and I finally go to bed, we take their sweat drenched bodies back to their beds along with their stuff. That's usually how it all goes down. 

Scarlet and Brighton fight now! Some mornings they WAKE UP fighting, I don't understand it! Literally before we come downstairs for breakfast they're yelling, "Don't look at me!" For the most part, though, they are all best friends and love each other so much. Scarlet will stick up for Brighton when her friends are mean to him, which happens pretty often, unfortunately. I really hate it. I always want to be be mean to those kids, but I'm supposed to be an example. But I really wanna say, "Oh yeah? You're this or that." Honestly, I probably would except I'm afraid they'll tell their parent! But I'll hear Scarlet yell from the distance, "Don't be mean to my brother!" I love that she sticks up for him.

I love to see all my children grow and learn. It's been so fun to experience. They really are loving sweet kids. Their personalities are very individual and yet the older they get the more it shows they have so much in common. 

Things have been really good these days. A lot of things have recently changed for the better and there are a lot of good things to look forward to! After losing 25+ pounds all of Greg's blood levels are in the normal range! Hooray! He's been working so diligently at eating right and exercising daily. I'm so proud of him, it's really paid off! All of his clothes are 4 sizes to big now! It's ridiculous how baggy everything is on him. He literally needs to replace EVERYTHING in his wardrobe. He's even taken it all in, with the sewing machine and he just keeps losing weight and everything gets baggy again! I'm basically at my goal weight too. I ave 3 more pounds to go, but I just don't care anymore. I'm happy where I am and am not going to go to any trouble to losing that last little bit. I honestly think it may come off anyway, over time. But right now we're moving and I've suddenly been pounding the chocolate like never before, we're about to go to the states and as much as Greg keeps stressing, "we can't go crazy in the states (with food)" I TOTALLY want to go crazy! Are you kidding me! I am living it up while I'm there and I'm NOT going to feel bad! The USA is the most glorious place in existence and food, and the deliciousness and availability of it, is apart of that and I'm totally going to enjoy it. So if I gain 5 lbs over the summer, I'm not worried about it. I'll just lose it once we settle in at the Philippines. And I expect this will be our little routine everytime we go to the states.

Preparing to move has provoked a lot of thinking for me. Signing up for this life, you KNOW this is apart of it- moving, leaving friends, recreating your life again and again and again. But here we are doing it for the first time, really and it's like it just has my thoughts going, "Wo. Are we really gonna do this every two years? I finally figured out how to live here, and now we're leaving. We finally have a social life, and now we're leaving. I'm finally happy here, and now we're leaving. My poor daughter is so heart broken. I have to do this to her every other year until she goes to college?" And then there's the physical stress of it all, "Oh my gosh. I have to go without my things this many months every other year? We have to REDO addresses, babysitters, and plan for a million little things and appointments and juggle them all in my head every other year? What!?!?" And it gets a little overwhelming and when you're in the middle of it, it can really make your head swirl.

It's been weird, the emotions I've been going through here. There have been a LOT of challenges for me here. Certain friends I never wanted to have . . . when the goodbyes finally came (and I'd been counting the days) I got kind of emotional. Strange stuff like that.