I am not one to bear my soul online- infact- people have complained about how I don't write about my life enough, but I'm not one to just bare all. I keep things private. But things have just been really hard lately and I feel like I need some enlightening words from people who actually know . . . mothers. I feel ridiculous complaining at all to people who are doing the real deal and have experienced worse, but I need some serious help.
Motherhood- right now, to me, it's looking pretty bleak. And I keep thinking to myself, I just don't want to do this. I can't even imagine doing what I'm doing now, but not getting weekends off, and losing my night's sleep on a daily basis as well. This is less important, but I'm gonna say it anyway. My appearance. I look awful everyday. I look in the mirror and my hair is greasy and all my clothes are covered in baby food, if not what the baby food becomes after it's digested. And I always thought, "Oh, well when it's the real thing, I'm gonna wear jeans and a cute top and look good for myself and my husband." Why would I wear something cute just to have crap all over it? So does this mean I'm gonna wear a t-shirt and the same dirty sweat pants everyday for the rest of my life? I'm not ok with this. Right now, I shower and get cute when I get home, how am I gonna do that when the kids are still there and I have to make dinner before Greg gets home? The house is always a mess, why put away toys for him to see me messing with them and come running over! So am I gonna live in a pig stye the rest of my life?
It is physically taxing. Forget about the mental anguish I'm now experiencing. I thought my arms would be used to his weight by now, but if I don't carry him on my shoulder my arms feel like they're going to fall off! I physically can't do it any other way. Today he bit me and it REALLY hurt. He already kicks me, scratches me (and leaves marks), hits me hard right in the face, he's pulled a nice chunk of my hair out and now I can add biting to the list. He gets to hurt me because he's a baby and doesn't realize and I have to just smile and like it! I have to sing to him for him to fall asleep, and I'm sorry sometimes when he's screaming RIGHT IN MY EAR I just don't feel like singing primary songs as sweetly and softly as I can. I feel like screaming too. And I'm tired and I wanna sit and wait for him to doze off but he won't let me, I have to stand or he freaks out, even when I'm sick. It doesn't matter if I'm dizzy and wondering if I'm going to pass out, while holding him! I have to do what he wants. It's his way. There is no other way.
And then there's potty training. It's worse than diapers. Who wants to deal with pee soaked underwear and pee soaked sweats and wipe a boys bum after he poops, then carrying his little portable toilet down the stairs to flush it and wipe it clean. Hooray! I just hate it! It's gross! Simple things like eating and sleeping are SO EXHAUSTING! The kid needs to eat, but what do you do when he literally seals his lips closed and won't let you in? And I LOVE it when he doesn't just spit the food out, but it literally SPRAYS out ALL OVER MY face and upper body. I'm serious. The couch is 5 feet away and he's managed to spit it over there too. And sleeping! I have to rock him, hold him, sing to him, no matter what. He'll be cranky and tired and cry for me to hold him, so I pick him up and then he fights me and arches his back (and he is getting strong) and screams and screams. So I put him down and then he cries for me again! Same routine over and over and I want to yell in his face, "WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM!!! JUST FALL FREAKING ASLEEP!!!!!"
When it's just Oisin, I get two whole naps to myself and it's heaven. When I have Darragh too, forget about it. I get NO housework done, it's impossible. And I only get 1 hour to myself, if at all. I don't understand how Mom's do it! It boggles my mind. I can't do anything for myself. I might as well not exist. If I pull out a book Oisin comes running. Everytime! I have to be out of his vision if I want to read, but it never lasts long. So reading: off the list of things to do. I can't really eat either. I always eat when Oisin is napping, but when Darragh's here that only gives me an hour of overlapping naps ALL DAY and by then I just wanna lay down. So today, I hid in the kitchen and stood by the counter to eat. It's the only way! If Oisin sees me he runs over and crawls on the couch as fast as he can. Because eating is such a difficult task I often grab a box of cookies and devour the whole thing, not only because I'm stressed but because it's there and ready. Processed crap food is just easier and I'm not ok with that either, but when you're tired and starving what else are you gonna do! If I'm on the computer- out of his reach- he crawls as fast as he can and cries and cries and CRIES pulling on my legs. So basically the only thing I'm capable of doing is watching t.v. It's nice sometimes, but I'd like to stimulate my mind a little more! When my days are like this I just think, "Why am I living this way? What is the point? There is no point! I may as well be a robot designed to fulfill their needs. I'm not allowed to do anything for myself." That's the thing. I keep thinking, "Me, me, me. I've known my whole life that motherhood is sacrificing yourself, but is it sacrificing your complete existance also? Is our life nothing, but to grow a chest and uterus and reproduce? Because I had some fun and now I feel like it's rapidly coming to an end, and this will be the rest of my life."
I probably sound really selfish. That's how I feel everytime I start to complain. I tell myself, "Oh when it's your own, you'll love him so much! It will be easier!" I was thinking about that today and how much I love Greg and if I had to wipe his butt and feed him by the spoon I honestly wouldn't mind 1/2 as much atleast because I love him so much. But then I think, "What if I don't love my baby? Who says it has to be that way?" I know, I know, it just IS that way. But what if it's not. There are things that have been happening to make things worse lately: I'm sick, then they're sick. Parent/teacher mtgs. which means I'm watching them at night too. Watching Darragh more than I usually do. And PMS which magnifies every emotion 10 fold.
After I'm mad, Oisin will smile at me and then it all seems to melt away, but I swear half the day I am miserable and I wonder if I can do this. But yeah right, I'm just not gonna have kids? That's what you do! We're COMMANDED! I'm not going to just not do it. But that's the wrong attitude. And then I think, "Megan this is YOUR problem. YOU need to fix it. CHANGE your attitude." But it's just not happening. I really need some experienced mothers to just talk to me. Don't feed me lies. If it really sucks, just tell me. I just really need some encouragement.
26 comments:
Megan you crack me up! I love this post. Ok let me just tell you what EVERYONE told me (because I seriously used to hate babysitting - I used to just keep asking myself when I could go home and give these kids back, I wondered if I would be able to stand motherhood). Anyway I PROMISE it is so different with your own kid. I mean seriously there are days like the one you are describing where you feel like nothing gets done and the kid is a monster etc, but at the same time it is different with your own because YOU are mommy, you are the one calling the shots and figuring out what is best for them. And you get all excited when they do something new because they are YOURS. It is totally different.
Anyway but yeah, I'm not going to lie there definitely are days where I have broken down, or have NO patience, but the rewards FAR outweight those things.
Hang in there! I love your posts and I miss you doing my hair!!
For me, motherhood gets so draining soemtimes. I have no idea what I'm doing, at times, she's just creating chaos, and I want to scream. I think it's normal. Even though you're a mom and you're SUPPOSED to be patient, and not ever raise your voice, and your're supposed to get dressed nice and all the other things that society depicts; you are still human and you still have you're needs. It's really tough and sometimes I feel like I'm going crazy. But then she does the sweetest little things, or she gets so excited and thankful when I do something small for her, that it just makes it all worth it.
Ex. the other day I was mad, I was trying not to be, but I was. She came up to me and asked if I was sad, I told her I was ok, and she brightens up and says, you need a tissue? She thinks a little tissue can fix anything.
I'm not sure that this all makes sense, I'm so tired. Now that we're about to have 2 I wonder how I'm going to do it, but I know it will be ok. I remember when Makyra was born and worrying about everything, but somehow Heavenly Father just gave me what I needed. It was like the spirit in our home just changed. I hope it will be the same when we have this next one and that same spirit will be compounded.
It really does change with your own little ones. And, yes, you do have those days of sweats and greasy hair. But like your other commenters, when you are the mom, you get to call the shots. You get to create sleeping arrangements and nap time. You can let them cry sometimes, because you know that they are fine and it is healthy and won't kill them. Alex used to cry every time a laid him down too, and I would have to rock him and sing to him, but now he puts himself to sleep and if he does cry it is only for a few minutes. I guess the biggest thing i have had to learn is that crying is ok. On the bad days I sometimes just put him in his crib, leave the room and let him cry for 10 minutes or so. There are so many more good days than bad days and even on the bad days there are special moments that make it all worth it. And what they say is really true about how different it is with your own kids.
Hang in there!
Um I loved this post because I was just talking to my Mom today about how I feel like I'm just getting uglier and uglier as the years go on and she reassured me that it's do to my young child phase I'm in right now, she was just going through old home videos and was absolutely appalled by what she looked like. Always in sweats, hair never done etc. I feel the same way right now. As for the hitting, biting etc. when they're your own kids you'll be able to totally control how they are raised it's totally different. A Child is never to young to know right from wrong you just have to teach them, I've never allowed my babies to bite me but we had a friend who was covered in bruises and she would just laugh it off when he bit her and I was like then he'll never stop. Anyways sorry for the long comment but hang in there and you'll be a great Mom because you'll know what you don't want your kids to be like!
First off, can I just thank you for writing this post?! I love reading all about your European adventures, but the jealous side of me was a little glad to hear that it's not just 'tea and crumpets' all the time over there! I don't mean that to sound really bad, believe me, I feel bad for what you're going through with these kids!
I would say, go ahead and discipline those kids. How old are they again? Start now saying "no biting/kicking/hitting" and look at them sternly so they see a difference in your face. If they're old enough, go ahead and put them in a time out... even if it means you have to sit there with them. Ethan HATES time-outs (he doesn't get them very often) even though it is only 2 minutes! But anyway, you should NOT have to deal with physical abuse like that.
As far as the motherhood goes... I was not much of a baby-sitter either. I really only did it for a handful of families because I had a hard time watching other peoples' kids if I didn't know them very well. I think one of THE hardest times of being a mother was in the first 2 weeks after Ethan was born. I remember questioning if we'd really been ready for all of this. What everyone else has said is sooo true. It really does make a HUGE difference when it's your kid. There's a bond that forms even before they're born. I think you're getting a taste of motherhood at one of the HARDEST of the early stages. They're mobile and no longer a completely helpless baby, but at the same time can only really communicate by crying. They're attempting to eat solids, but that can be an uphill battle in itself. It's not easy, but it does help when you can grow with them and start more "at the beginning".
And as far as the greasy hair and sweats goes... It's really not that bad! When Ethan was a little younger, I did find that I wore my hair back in a ponytail a lot more. This was fine by me, as long as it was CLEAN! And it's just as easy to throw on some jeans... I just wore more plain, solid-colored tees around the house until he was a little older and not as messy. Stuff that washes easy and doesn't stain much.
Anyway... this is a lot of rambling, I know. Motherhood has definitely been one of the most challenging and rewarding things ever! I wouldn't change it for the world. As Ethan continues to grow, it's very fun to have my little buddy with me for errands. And we can actually play together more now and communicate. It's amazing. :)
well i know eXACLTY HOW YOU Feel LOL. but it does get better and remember that when you have your own kids to live near someone who is willing to watch them for you sometimes cause they are great but you need time for yourself.
First off, I loved this post! It's refreshing to hear that other people have these thoughts too, and I'm not just some bad mormon girl.
So, although I'm obviously not a mom....yet....soon though....I thought I'd put in a few thoughts. Like I said, I had so many, if not all of these thoughts....thinking, it's seems like your life turns kinda lame once you have kids...and I felt guilty for even thinking it. It just seemed like so many options were out the window once you have kids, travel is harder, work is harder etc. I was always really wishy washy with the idea, I could see the good and bad....I actually talked to Amy all about it. I was really torn. Now, with just the months I've been pregnant, my perspective has become so much clearer, brighter, and happier. This is what I want now, 100%. All those things I was worrying about, things I thought I'd be missing out on, I realized were not nearly as important as having a family. I don't feel like I'm losing anything, but gaining so much. It feels like my life has so much more purpose, and a better purpose. But I definitely plan on still spending some time on myself, and developing myself, while I raise the kiddos, not tons of time, but enough to "fill my well" so I can fill theirs. Even if I have to pay for a babysitter, I'm getting out on a somewhat regular basis. Our church leaders have told us to do that.
Raising your own kids will be a ton different. You are in charge 100% all the time. The rules are always the same, unlike trying to establish a rule while you're working, and then the parents negating that rule by not enforcing it. You can teach your child to sleep on their own. you can teach them not to hit you etc. Plus, I think the "before kindergarten" stage is the toughest....at least most demanding. Your kids won't always be that age. And, you'll have Greg to help you, and enjoy your kids with.
I wonder too about losing all the luxuries of sleeping in, and doing what I want during the day, so I'm curious what other people will write. But, it just seems like I can do without those little things, or Chad will be in charge every other Saturday morning or something.
Plus, our goal is to become like Christ, and I honestly don't think there is any job better to help us accomplish that goal, than motherhood. It won't be easy, but worth it.
It sounds like you're watching a devil child! I would go insane. I was SO terrified of having kids because I simply didn't like 'em. I'll admit it. Babysitting was torture and I was never gaga over babies. I was afraid that having a kid would be terrible but everyone said it's different when it's your own. I can't stress enough how true this is! I don't think I got annoyed/frustrated at anything Danica did until she was at least 18 months(and that was because she kept getting into my makeup and I was tired of cleaning carpets.)
It did feel like I constantly had baby slobber on me for a while. I don't remember much spit up(but I burped her sitting in my lap) but oh the drool! =) I'm a bum a lot now days but I think that has a lot to do with not feeling great from pregnancy.
I think she bit me twice when she was only maybe 6 months but not enough to leave a mark and it wasn't to be mean or anything. She never did after that-thankfully! I already knew I was going to stop bad habits before they start. I don't remember a hitting problem. I read a book when she was about 4 months old on how to get them to sleep-miracles I say! It took about a week? maybe? and she was soothing herself to sleep. no paci or anything. I got scared after hearing so many stories about people training their kids to sleep by rocking them and still needed to do it when they're a toddler. ugh! Just know you really can choose what they will end up "needing." Anyhow. You will have the control in raising them! It is SO much nicer that way. I don't know if I'm just too strict or something but Danica is a super happy kid AND she'll spend hours helping me around the house and LIKES it. She's been super independent for over a couple years so it's going to be sad to start at square one as a slave to baby. At least I have a helper now. She asks me if I'm going to help her with baby? ;)
It's nice that you have a countdown to being done with watching these kids. And the experience is sure to be a massive help in knowing how you want to train/raise your own!
If times get rough you can just repeat to yourself that it's just a stage...it's just a stage... That how I got through a 3 year old with a shred of sanity.
Oh Megs, I SO feel your pain. Call me again and we can talk IN LENGTH about all of this. For now just know that you are totally normal to have those feelings, don't feel guilty or selfish. Do you remember when you first came to see me after Easton was born and I looked AWFUL and I was telling you how I didn't really like him all that much and was having such a hard time? Yea, it sucked. Now I wish I could take it all back because I love him to pieces.
It IS different when it's your own kid, but in BOTH ways...better and WORSE! Imagine feeling how you do about Oisin when he won't sleep. And when you're up in the middle of the night with your own kid you'll probably feel the same way at times. I DID!
It's a good thing your mom and sisters are pro parents and I'm sure they can offer you great advice, but seriously, I will tell you straight up and honestly how I felt in the beginning and how I feel now.
Good post, because we can all relate. Just know that you're not selfish, you're a great caregiver and will be an even better MOTHER!
I love you!
Megan Yes WE ALL HAVE ARE MOMENTS!! Even as a parent there are days when I dont get a shower or even dressed. I have also found if I really need it to hand the kids to Andrew when he walks in and just walk away... even if its to the bedroom with the door shut so that is the one relief there will be two of you when its your own.
I also know from the 5yrs that I worked at daycare some kids can make you want to scream back... but motherhood is definitely worth every kiss and hug as well as when I come home even if it was to run out for a few seconds the excitement on Annie and Mathias faces and the hi mommas are all worth it
I'm really sorry. That sounds awful. Can't you punish him if he bites or hits? Or did they specifically say not to? That's just not right! I love you and hope it gets better!!!!!!!!
I'm so sorry. I agree with what everyone said about punishing him. And everyone says "it's different with your own" so it must be. I'm so sorry it has been rough. I watch that Nanny show, and when disciplining, she talked about hwo you have to use a different face expression that you usually do to show them "this is different, and I'm serious" A face that they will recognize is different. And talk very sternly, not yelling, but very stern. I love you- wish I could help you out.
oh yeah, sometimes when i worry about what kind of mother I"m going to be, I read my patriarchal blessing, because it tells me what kind of mother i'm going to be. Does yours tell you whatsoever? If it does, trust that.
K, no lies here! All that you are experiencing is the truth. There are days you get no shower, don't get to eat, have to stand all day holding a cranky baby, deal with poopy diapers, throw up and just feel and look disgusting all day. I won't lie, it is the rude reality of Motherhood.
But I will tell you as hard as being a Mother is I wouldn't trade it for the world. They light up your life with the littlest smile or giggle or milestone. You just can't ever forget those moments. It is so worth it.
Many people take for granted having children, but as you know Jon and I struggled to have kids and on those days like you described I have to think to myself, I really love you and I wanted you more than anything.
It is worth it and I promise you if you are blessed with children, you won't regret it.
(Your post brought a smile to my face because it has described how I have felt many of times as a Mother!)
I always thought that you'd be a really sexy mom.
When we had Gunnar, we were married for 6 years already. It wasn't because we couldn't have any, it was really because I was selfish. I really liked working, I really liked my time, the freedom to do whatever I wanted. Time finally changed and we had Gunnar. It has been a great blessing but not a cake walk. It is hard. I was the YW that didn't like to babysit. Still can't stand a lot of other people's children. When Gunnar came along I did not have the instant love that so many people talk about. I was holding a complete stranger. I had to figure him out. I knew that I was supposed to love him but I didn't know anything about him. It didn't take long before I figured it out and continue to love him each day. I know that we each have specific spirits that are sent to us. Heavenly Father is not going to send down a spirit that he thinks we can't handle. Gunnar was and still is such an easy little guy. He has always slept well, eaten well, behaved relatively well. He is easy going and funny. He is the perfect fit for what I needed as the first child. I could not have asked for a better child. Some of that I do feel has to do with how I have parented him. Gunnar never required songs or soothing at bedtime. At birth I never talked to him or never looked at him in the night. This told him that it is bedtime and not stimulation time or time to stay away. I never engaged him in any way. Gunnar was never a biter thank goodness. He does get time outs every once in a while but I don't time it. He is able to get up when he feels that he is ready. When he has calmed down. He must say sorry with a hug and a kiss. What I have noticed is that when he is getting mad or frustrated he will either stick himself in timeout or he will go to his bedroom to calm down by himself. He has learned to seperate himself from the situation. There is no reason that you could not implement some of these things with your little guy. Gunnar has also been great at self play allowing time for me. So I can't really help there. Gunnar is getting to the point that he doesn't want to take naps. It helps that we have quiet time where he just plays in his room. It usually results in a nap but it also allows me time.
As a mom I honestly don't even own a pair of sweats. Maybe that is your answer. I really love jeans so I usually wear those and a basic, easy to clean t-shirt. It changes from day to day. Also Jeff does not get dinner on time every night. And he is fine with that. Nobody said that it had to be that way. True they worked hard all day but mom's work doubly hard. They really do. When you have your own, have your husband care for the child for at least a full day by himself and he will quickly gain greater appreciation as to what it is like.
Like some have mentioned, children grow in stages. Things change so much in each one. As they grow they start becoming more independant thus freeing up some of your time. There are days that it just bites and you question why did I get myself in this situation but something always happens to change that. Just remember to take some time for yourself. For me it has been hula lessons once a week with my sisters. It has been something just for me. If mom is not takin care of then the rest of the family will not be cared for as well. Having your own is so much better but it is hard.
Hi Megan, I was your MiaMaids counselor so many years ago when your mom was the advisor. You are right, being a mom sometimes sucks. But it's true, before you have kids you can't imagine throwing yourself in front of a bus to save someone else, but it's amazing, after having a baby, you would. Parenthood isn't a cakewalk and the moms get the brunt of it. Oftentimes, the guy won't understand that you have something at you ALL DAY LONG. And you are overwhelmed and exhausted.
But, I decided to like being a SAHM. I tell people I would rather have a boss who is a 2 year old than someone who just acts like it. You should discipline the kids. Someone obviously needs to. You can do this. All of this experience will help to make you an amazing mom. With our first I practically broke my arm patting myself on the back because she was such a good baby. Then we had our second and we honestly called her demon baby. So I had to learn all over again. Good luck. I have to admit, I was jealous of the European adventures too!
Well! I just read every ones or most of the comments. I thought Jennifer was right on. First it is very unusual to not absolutely love your own child. I had immediate love for each of my kids, I am not just saying that because they can read this, I mean it. I hated babysitting. I wasn't a baby person until after I had you I think. I LOVED my own, but still could take or leave other peoples babies. Then after I had you I became a baby grabber (a person that takes other peoples babies).
I always enjoyed my kids more after about 6 months. Then it just got better and better even though you have days you are scared, or exhausted or going nuts. I think the biggest problem you are having is two things, he isn't your own, and you don't get to do things your own way. But I am here to tell you, when he is with you, you can call the shots. Kids act different with different people. They know who they can manipulate and who they can't. I don't believe in "No" unless it is dangerous to them immediately. Otherwise that is all they say. Kids need to be told what you want them to do, not what you don't want them to do. There is nothing wrong with raising your voice a little, not yelling, and telling them to stop. Also if he is hitting or something if he has a play pen close within about 30 seconds, put him in it immediately. If not grab his hand and say stop, firmly and or say that hurts. If he continues to bite, if he was your child I would say to bite him back, same with hair pulling. They don't understand that it hurts. But since he isn't your kid, you can't bite him. You can however pull his hair, that won't leave marks.
For nap time I would let him cry for at least 15-20 min in his crib when its time for his naps. Then go in and leave him in his crib, try to soothe him, sing a song or reassure him that you are there and love him, then leave the room again. Do not get him out of the crib. Then in about 10 min go up again if he is still crying, and do the same thing. He needs to learn to go to sleep without you holding him. Will he sit in the high chair with something like cherrios or whatever while you eat, or with some kind of toy?
As far as the getting dressed thing. I used to take my shower and get dressed before your dad would come home. I did a quick pickup then also. Or I would take a shower and get dressed while they were napping. When they are big enough to be safe I would do it in the morning while they played. I would do a quick job with my hair (probably why I have to have a 5 min hairstyle now) put on some mascara and call it good. I didn't do the whole makeup thing until Danielle got way past the toddler stage. I think when you have a baby you always get things on your clothes and that is just the way it is. But it feels better to have clothes on, it gives some dignity to the job and you just feel better about yourself.
As far as having a life, you have snatches of a life. Naptime and bed time was my sanity. If you remember, you guys had to have a reading time even in the summer so I could have some time to myself.
It will be different when they are your own. Your love grows for them day by day. You love them a little more every day, because you love those you serve. As a mother you serve soooooo much. I think you will be a great mom, I mean that.
I know there are the times where it is hard, I remember when you all got the flu one at a time, so I was up changing sheets every night for a week. One night it was so bad I had to get the carpet cleaner out in the middle of the night. Then the next morning I had to get up because there were so many kids. But at times like that you just sit in front of the tv the next day or you let the kids tear up the house while you read. But those are the exceptions. I have full confidence you will have a life and be a great mom. Right now even though your little guy loves you, it is still different being a full time mom. I love you!!!!!!
Wow, 18 comments already!! I read or skimmed them all, and I really have nothing to add, just agreement. It's soooo different when it's your own child. Oisin actually sounds pretty difficult in some ways, but yep, when he's yours, you can call the shots more and be more comfortable doing it. And all kids are different. You might luck out and get the mellow ones! (good luck with that! ;)
Totally there are hard days where you wonder what the heck you got into, but the good FAR outweighs the bad when they are yours, forever and ever.
And while two at once was pretty difficult at times, and still is, I can honestly say that IT GETS BETTER. They'll sleep better and eat better, and I hope eventually be potty-trained, haha. (I agree, as gross as diapers are, cleaning little toilets and dealing with the training and wiping bums -- even when they're cute! -- is more work and sometimes grosser...)
Really, O's at the age where he's still totally dependent on you or someone else for EVERYTHING, but he's also learning and experimenting and acting out a lot, too. Unlike when he was really little and basically just ate and slept and pooped. Anyway, I know you heard all this from everyone else, but I wanted to weigh in, too. It is absolutely different with your own, you will love your little mini-Meg&Gregs more than you can imagine, and Heavenly Father knows that and that you can do this and will love it! (usually ;) Hang in there!
This post was very interesting. I have adopted all of my children and have loved them instantly. I liked children alot growing up but it is sooooo different when they are your own. I was tired sometimes and angry and frustrated at times but I would never change a thing. The love you have for your children is unlike anything you will ever experience. It is so deep and strong it is almost painful sometimes. I think you will make an amazing mother. You are an amazing person. bye now.
Megan, I wrote you a long post the other day, and lost it. I fussed a lot and decided to skip the thing as I couldn't get back on the internet. One thing I have learned in my many years, is that the things we worry most about usually never happen. Life is also about the journey, not the destination, so you will have some hard times, however those will be forgotten as you see them grow from childhood to adults. I don't remember the trials I had but I do remember the good things. So I guess I am saying to you to quit worring about the future, and just live today and as far as what to do with that little boy, your mom is right on. One thing I would do is take his hand and tell him it hurts when he hits you and that people are not for hitting, biting and hair isn't for pulling. Put him in a safe place and leave the room for however old he is. Use his hand to pat your face and say I like soft. People like soft touching. Whatever you do, just don't allow him to be abusive to you. You will make a wonderful mom and you will have Greg to help you and it will all be okay. One thing is I think you are tired from being so sick, and really didn't have a chance to recoup before you went back to taking care of him. When you have your own you will see a lot differently. Nothing is like that experience, it is like you are a handmaid of our Heavenly Father and are helping him in creating a body, for one of his spirits. You will love that little one, I promise. I love you so much Megan be happy and look forward to the time when you won't have to babysit again. I hated to babysit, myself and I didn't do much of it. I did however love to sit you and your siblings and now I enjoy taking care of the greats. So it is true that blood matters Hugs and kisses be happy and look forward to the day, when hair is all you get to do. Love grams
I love your honest post, Megan!!! It was funny, but I also TOTALLY related to it! Everyone has said some version of how I would reply to this as well--it's totally different and WAY better when it's your own kid. I was a nanny for a summer in highschool and babysat all the time but it was literally ONLY for the money. I hated it. And it made me terrified to be a mom!!! Then our "whoops" happened and it was taken out of our hands, I just had to deal! But it's been awesome! Stressful, but I wouldn't trade it for the world! Oh, and your mom is totally right about the sleep situation--I just got Ayden in a sleeping routine the past month or so (finally, it's embarrassing!). He was being such a pain in the butt to get to sleep, but I was babying him too much because it'll be a while before we have another! Anyway, life is good now and he puts himself to sleep now ALWAYS!!! :)
I'm not sure how much freedom you have with discipline, but it seems like since you're practically raising these kids, you should be able to teach them your rules (biting, kicking, etc). Ayden's not even 11 months yet and he KNOWS not to bite me!!! Good luck, I hope it gets better for you! Trust me, a good schedule works!!!
P.S. I still run a daycare, and I am WAY less patient with other kids than my own, but I have to pretend otherwise!!! But those other kids still have to go by the same rules mine do as long as their at my home! And that includes naptime, which gives me a good 2 hours by myself everyday!!! to read, sleep, whatever!!! Feel free to email me if you ever want to talk/whine/gripe, I'd love to hear from you! jillmkoehler@yahoo.com
Oh and P.S. again: This will probably sound horrible and mean, but I HAVE to shower every morning or I'm a psycho, and Ayden SCREAMS whenever I get in the shower. I don't know why. And it stresses me out/irritates me to hear him scream, so I fixed that by sticking him in his crib and closing the door so I couldn't hear it as well. He's safe, I'm in the shower, Byron's sitting on my bed watching Veggie Tales, and I'm not feeling like murdering anyone! I get out, dry off, go get Ayden and comfort him and he's good to go! The shower may be a super fast 5 minutes tops, but OH WELL!!! ;)
I don't think there's much to add here and knowing you, you've probably moved on and everything's great again.
I love you SOOOO much. I'm happy Mom is coming out to visit. That will be so fun for you both.
Yeah that pretty much sucks monkey booty. My mom told me that I caused her alot of melt downs with my constant screaming and crying. She once said that she just lost it and cried and screamed with me. Maybe you should try it. Good luck
I know this post was forever ago and I hope that you get comments sent to your email so that you will even know that I commented. First I totally feel like you feel a LOT of the time. I say that I want to throw my kids out the window every day. I have actually been struggleing a lot lately with all of the things that you described because Ben is gone all day AND night and we only have one working car. So it is just me and my kids stuck in my house all of the time. BUT the thing that goes along with "it's different when its your own" is they are your life. What I mean by that is you take joy in everything they do and learn. Because you feel accomplished as they grow. You get to see your patience pay off. I feel cheesy but it really makes a difference. Also you get to raise them how you want. Anyways I KNOW that you are going to be a wonderful mom! Good luck with the kids.
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