Well, I don't know what is going on with my body but it's been like constant PMS for 5 weeks. Everyday I feel like crying when absolutely NOTHING happened, or something VERY SMALL happened. And I've been terrible to Greg. Something won't go perfect (something so small) and SNAP!!!! I say something with that tone and get mad and immediately after it happens I think, "Wo, why did I just say that? There was no reason to react that way!" The last 2 weeks I have been getting a full 7 hours of sleep at night and then sometime after work I'll suddenly be EXHAUSTED and sleep for 2-3 hours. This has happened at least 3 times a week. And I'm just gonna say it, my boobs are bigger. So these things have been happening and I'm thinking . . . am I pregnant? We are NOT trying to get pregnant. It would be fine if I were, it just wasn't planned at all. I keep looking in the mirror at my belly for the slightest change and it is bigger, but I know some of that is definitely the cookies I overdosed on all month. So then the obsession starts and I'm driving Greg a little nuts talking about it nonstop. I've already changed my diet (that can REALLY effect my mood) and I've been working out and still no changes. So at 4am I wake up and take the test. I now officially hate pregnancy tests. You're shaking and your heart is racing and for what? A big fat no. I REALLY hate the one I had to take this morning! It was ALL in FRENCH, DUTCH, or GERMAN. This doesn't help me! The pharmicist only spoke a little English- this doesn't help me either! I figure it's the same as the U.S ones, but you never know. Well, this was the tiniest little strip I've ever had to pee on. I kept missing! So I'm 1/2 awake in the bathroom, nervous and wondering if I'm gonna have enough pee left to get an accurate result! Well, I wait and wait and I don't even see one line. So I'm thinking I screwed it up somehow. It's 4am, I want to sleep, I have to work in a few hours. So I leave it there and come back in 5 minutes (it recommended this if you were unsure). I came back and definitely just one line and not two. So what does this mean? That I'm just fat and crazy? There's no other explanation! Well, I can take care of the fat, but the crazy? Where is this coming from? I can't take this anymore! I'm amazed Greg still loves me.
So now I'm at work and Darragh was home sick yesterday because he barfed and today it's diarrhea. YIPEE!!!! And I'm just gonna say it, I've dealt with way too much poop this morning- and all before breakfast. The smell of crap hangs in the air in multiple areas of the house. And as I was cleaning it up I was thinking, "This is just so unfair. I shouldn't have to do this." I know I'll have to do this with my own kids, but I'll have that incredible unconditional love thing helping me out.
Oh yeah, and I threw my back out yesterday. Carrying a baby up and down stairs doesn't help it out either. Ok, ok, that's enough and I feel better. Oisin is now asleep and he only cried 30 seconds!!! Wow. That's never happened before. I was expecting a full 20 minutes. So now I just have Darragh. I love Darragh, he can go to the bathroom all by himself. He can feed himself. He can tell me things. He can climb on things and I know he won't fall off and get paralyzed (usually). Watching a 3 year old is a piece of cake compared to Oisin right now. I think the day will be much better here on out. I was just tired and hungry and hovering in the constant smell of poop and I just kind of needed an escape, but I feel better now.
16 comments:
Wow! You actually have to pee ON the strip? I would be so nervous that I couldn't do it! I hope you are feeling better soon. =( I hate the wait game.
I'm glad to hear that naptimes are going better. I remember how relieved I was when I "trained" Danica for sleep. Though now I wonder how early you're supposed to start? I still feel clueless about babies. It's been too long.
I hate pregnancy tests too! Both times I have had to take at least 3 to really know if I'm pregnant. And I have to get the digital kind that actually says "pregnant" or "not pregnant". I don't do lines or colors.
Anyway, I'm sorry you're feeling crappy, I hope you get it all figured out soon. At least your mom will be there this week!! Sometimes I think our husbands are amazing human beings for loving us and putting up with us even when our bodies and emotions are PSYCHO!!
after this post- i think i can smell the poo from here! i love your posts! so honest and that's how it should be.
hang in there. we wish we were still there! we miss belgium so much!
I'm not sure if this will help but everything you said you're going through sounds just like me after I had Jude. I had postpartum depression, which obviously you don't have, but maybe its some degree of depression. I use to beat myself up for how I treated Paul and how terrible I felt before I knew it was depression. But if it is some level of depression its impossible to control your emotions and reactions unless you get some kind of help.
I hope thats not to personal. And I hope you feel better!
Missy
Poop can drive any sane person crazy...so can pregnancy tests. I have taken enough of them to know! One of them came with this little plastic eye dropper, so I had to pee in a cup and then use the little dropper (pee is very warm, by the way) and then squirt it on the test. I usually end up peeing on my hand when I take them. And then, when you actually get pregnant they make you pee in a cup EVERY time you go to the Doctor, which is once a month then every 2 weeks, then every week in the end. It is all fine and dandy until your belly gets so big you can't see what's going on under it...
OK- first of all- hello- the pee cup? remember? I always peed in a cup- and then you just put the stick inside the cup. The directions say you can do that. Anyway- I'm sorry you've been feeling crazy and part of you probably wanted to be pregnant even though it wasn't planned, and that is dissapointing also. You aren't fat, because I see you on skype and your skinny, and not bigger. maybe your tummy is bigger, who cares. I'm really skinny all over, and have a tummy, it sticks otu further than my boobs, accept it. You might be pregnant and teh test might be wrong. When did you have your last period? The crazies- they say megan that if you feel this way for more than 2 weeks, you shoudl seek some help. You're wondering where this is coming from, you come from a family of crazies. Of deep depression, OCD, anxiety, and even bipolar. It woudl not be unbelievable if you have depression. You probably dont' want to join the club, but- maybe if you took some meds you woudl feel better. And you don't sound crazy. I know you feel crazy, but nobody thinks you're crazy. I love you-
Phew!
Taking care of some one elses kids would probably make any one go crazy. Ask Sari she knows first hand! Besides even if it is something you inherited, not your fault. Keep your head up!
Meg, Meg. I'm glad Mom is coming out today. Whenever I've felt like that, she somehow makes me feel better and it makes more sense after talking with her.
The poop. So sorry. Isn't annoying how you will change them, wash your hands thoroughly, put the diaper OUTSIDE and the room that you changed the kid in still STINKS like crazy.
I'm sorry about the pregnancy tests. Like Amy said, even if you don't want to be pregnant, there's still that part of you that's disappointed if the test says you're not. I have two kids and it's still like that for me even if I have no desire to be pregnant.
I love you so much. Have fun with Mom.
I always say sleep on and things will look better when you wake. Your mom is a miracle baby, the doctor said I wasn't pregnant when I truly was, and I had a period that month, making them think I wasn't for sure, but walla I had a baby in Oct. and she wasn't due until the 25th of Nov. was she early I don't think so, she weighed 9lbs and 5 ounces. We were happy about the whole thing and look at who she is and how wonderful she is, what do you think??? Sooo I guess I am saying you never know and Amy may be right the test could be wrong. I hope you feel better, as far as the crazies we are all in the same boat, a little crazy in some ways. Don't sweat it, and think of how you can be happy. Make a list of all of the wonderful things about Greg, and then you. You will be fine, you are just getting at the end of things and are in a little deep right now. It will all be fine Megan and you will look back and wonder why you were so worried. Some things are just the way they are and it is in Gods hands and we are unable to do anything about it. Have fun with your mom I love you grams
Wow, I'm sorry! What a pain! Feeling cruddy, thinking you have the answer, you were wrong (maybe), lotsa poop, sick kids...yeah, a vent is helpful. Ahhh...life. So many ups and downs. I'd say you're definitely due for an up... :) Your mom, yay!
:/ That sounds like a horrible time! I'm sorry Megan. Yeah I hate it when kids get diahrea. My mom took like 5 tests but you should get the ones that say "Pregnant" or not. But according to your side affects I say your prego with more than a eggo. rofl!! :D
I am so sorry. Sounds awful. I wish I had advice on the prego symptoms....but I don't. I wish you were pregnant:) That'd just be so happy. But....I swear sometimes the symptoms are all in my head. Not saying yours ARE, but you know- it could happen. Good luck. Have fun with mom! I love you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Well, from what you described I don't think you are crazy, I think you are very early pregnant. Man, when I was first pregnant with Addison I was crazy, I even put a hole in my bathroom door because I flipped out on Jon. I would wait a few more days and get a better test. EPT is all that worked for me. You could always go in for a blood test, those don't lie. I would say you are pregnant, but that is just my opinion. When was yor last LMP?
Oh the pregnancy excitement and worry. Darin and I had one of those a few months ago. I don't remember if I told anyone or not. My breasts were hurting, I was nauseous and tired. At first I was scared, then excited and hoping, and then the test, and then no pregnancy. Argggg. I always pee in a cup and then use a dropper to put it on the strip. Is that just because Darin is my husband, Mr. Health Proffessional, or does everyone pee on a strip?
Poop: Seriously, every conversation in the morning that Lizzie and I have, within 5 minutes turns into a poop conversation. I'm not even kidding, every time, our talk leads to poop. It is truly a telling commentary, gross, but honest and true.
Your walk was gorgeous, thanks for sharing. I wish I had a walk like that so close by. Love you and miss you.
hello... i'm online-- i've treid to contact you =- so i thought maybe you'd get this-
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