My Life

Oh sad that it's not titled, "Our Life." There's just not as much "our" to write about these days. The separation has finally gotten to me. I just don't like it anymore. I was going really strong for the first 2 months and it's like I crossed a line and now it just HARD. I don't know what else to say about that.

So we got a camera and I can finally show you are beautiful lawn. The beautiful lawn that once was. I really wanted to document the whole process but our camera broke right before we started. This is just in front of our sidewalk. Greg dug up this WHOLE THING along with the actual front yard and back yard. Then he put in sod with Paul, our cousin in law and everything looked so beautiful and now . . .

Some of it is beautiful and some of it just looks like that. So unfortunate. Granted, EVERYONE'S lawn is looking pretty shabby, but we just put this all in and paid a lot of money to do it. I'm wondering if it's all gonna ome back to life when the heat dies and it rains again. Or maybe we'll just have to dig out the ugly patches and replant. But it's just so annoying because we just did that!!! Oh well, honestly, it looks SO MUCH better than when we bought it. So even with this, we've made major progress. I just wanted it to look beautiful all summer. I've been spotting these mushrooms in the front lawn! I hope they don't take over or anything. When it comes to grass, I've realized, I have no idea what I'm doing.

So this has been my latest big project. I always feel so depressed about how unaccomplished I am in the crafty department, but then I whip something like this out and I feel awesome about myself. We have this massive wall with nothing on it and so we decided to make a big collage of our Europe adventure. We bought a wooden board roughly 3 feet by 4 feet. I think it will fill the space nicely. I love looking at it, but it makes me want to TRAVEL!!!

This pregnancy thing is starting to get uncomfortable. I find that it's harder to get comfortable at night and I'm kept awake by my back aching. No fun! I know I still have it really good, but it's getting more difficult. Work seems to wear me out so much faster than anything else. I don't know if it's 'cause I'm just STANDING versus standing, but moving around to here and there, but I get so light headed while I'm hair styling. I don't like it. At home, I get this kicks wear I can just go go go, but I'm never standing in one spot when I feel that way.

I finally told Sandy (the salon owner) that I'm not coming back. So now I don't have to fib anymore when my clients ask how much time I'm taking off. Phew! That made me so uncomfortable. I'm just not ok with lying, in any way, shape or form. I got really nervous but it went really smooth and I don't think she was upset with me. I'll finish out six more weeks and be FINISHED!!!! YEA!!!! It's a familiar feeling, compared to the last time I thought I was finished. In Eugene, I was so burnt out and excstatic to be finished. I didn't expect to be coming back this time around, it just sort of ended up working out that way. Even though it hasn't been the most positive experience, it has really humbled me and I've definitely learned throughout the experience. I never had to struggle in this business before, and that's all I've really been doing these 6 months. Before this experience, I would have passed judgement more quickly and I definitely can't say I feel the same way about certain things anymore.

I want to meet our daughter so much. I keep reading how mothers get sad when they can't feel the baby inside anymore. To me, meeting her sound so much cooler and more fulfilling than feeling a little movement here and there. Having her here, looking in my eyes sounds so much better! I feel close to her, but I want to know her FOR REAL. In person. This last week was really hard for me and I felt really sad and lonely. I'd be laying on the couch, missing Greg, feeling really horrible and then I'd feel a little punch and it was like she was hitting me with her arm saying, "Hey, I'm here. We're together. You're not alone." And it really made me feel a lot better.