Feeling Great

Oh man, emotions really take their toll, don't they? The last four days (since my doctor's appointment) I've been feeling so DEPRESSED. The "once in a while" days where I actually feel depressed, I realize what an UNdepressive person I am. I HATE feeling this way. It's the WORST. It made my body PHYSICALLY feel terrible as well. I thought it was the pregnancy just catching up to me. But after 4 days, my emotions lifted, I decided I'm not worried about it anymore and that everything's gonna be fine and suddenly WHOOSH, all my aches and pains were gone! Suddenly now it doesn't take all my strength to get off the couch and I don't have to moan aloud as I'm doing it. This weekend I felt so bad for Greg. Every other sentence was, "I am SO TIRED. I'm exhausted. I just want to sleep! I feel terrible. Everything is hard." Every time I moved it seemed to ache somewhere and if I wasn't crying, I FELT like crying. Today I've felt happy and healthy all day! So much more energy! I am glad. I just wish I felt like this when Greg was here! Oh well. There's always next weekend. Greg has 5 weeks left! It seems SO CLOSE now!!! I can't wait!

Greg's first shift in Medford will be 6am to 6pm Saturday, Sunday and Monday. I am SOOOOOO happy about it. He'll have Tues, Wed, Thurs and Friday OFF and will actually be AWAKE the same time as me and the baby!!! I'm sooooo happy. One less thing to get used to after the baby (weird hours, I mean). This way he'll be around so much more to help, while everything's so new and he'll get to see the baby so much more. I had prepped myself to have him on the 7pm to 7am shift which would basically just STINK. Because even on his many days off, he'd be asleep while we'd be awake. I'm really hoping somehow he'll avoid this shift when he gets his permanent schedule, but we'll just have to wait to see.

This whole academy thing has really prepped me, though, for when he is away at night. The first month or so I was so OCD about locked doors and making sure the gun was loaded. Now I always feel safe and haven't touched the gun in two months. Instead of checking the door locks 4+ times a night, I check them once. I'm glad I can feel safe and sleep at night, even when I'm alone, because that might be my lifestyle for the next 5 years or so. Who knows.

I've been watching Desperate Housewives on netflix and I just love that show. Though it is one twisted show. The end is always so eery when she's talking and there's music. It always gives me the creeps and I think, "I shouldn't be watching this creepy show." But then I watch a couple more. I'm also enjoying Hell's Kitchen and fantasize about eating there one day.

I found another reason to look forward to the Resurrection. My eyes. It's official, my eyes are permanently screwed up. I had laser surgery 4 years ago, which was great, but now my vision is blurry again, so I've had to go back to glasses, which works great. As far as contacts go- the surgery made my eye shape all weird and so contacts don't fit my eyes very well. I can wear them, I can see- but NOT perfectly. Not at all. The contact shifts around because it doesn't fit, so sometimes it will be crystal clear, but most of the time one eye is fuzzier than the other. Also, with glasses, my reading vision is pretty good- with contacts- NADA. HORRIBLE. It's SOOO frustrating. Reading, computer work, playing the piano- my eyes just strain. But contacts, glasses AND reading glasses? A girl only wants to spend so much on eyewear. Today, I finally went in and bought some generic reading glasses for when I'm wearing contacts, but it's not solving the problem as well as I predicted. I'm just so frustrated with it all- but it's just the way it is. FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE. I don't plan on dying for 70 years so that's a long time to put up with something. I'll probably just go thru phases of only wearing glasses, like I did last year. I just feel so much prettier in my contacts. I have hope, though, in technology and figure in 10 or so years, there will be contacts that fit my eyes, as this is a newer problem that didn't really exist 10 years ago.

I'm tired. I'm so excited for our baby to be born. I sporadically go thru little freak outs every other day or so. Freak outs of the thought of simply raising a baby and constantly being in charge of one- and then freaking out like- what if I'm so tired I physically cannot push her out of my body? What if I just can't do it? But I need to remind myself- my body is MADE to do this. It is capable of pushing a baby out. So weird. Pushing a baby out of a crotch. It's almost like pooping out a baby. Quite the opposite of what normally comes out of ones body. I know, I know. I'm strange. By the way, this baby is definitely getting bigger. Her kicks are definitely hurting. Not all of them, but out of no where I'll feel these karate chops all around my stomach and WO! It hurts.