These are some pics my sister Lizzie took of me and Scarlet in CA.
It was so windy and I was so frustrated because I thought my hair was always in my face, but now I think it looks cool!
This is my favorite.
And this one too.
I wish my head wasn't so much in the picture. I love this face. She often looks like this and I love it.
Greg and Lizzie love this one. It's nice, but it's not a face I see of hers. Does that make sense?
This one's goin' in my bedroom. I love it.
I'll have to blog about the trip later. It was fun.
Man, I can't stop thinking about disease and sickness and cancer and chemicals and foreign substances all AROUND US!!!! It's been on my mind. So much that I get these radical thoughts of, "I'm getting rid of everything around me and going natural!" Meaning throwing out my hair products (I only have two) maybe only wearing mascara (I only wear concealer under my eyes also) and not eating anything that has been "processed". But c'mon. That's pretty radical. I mean, is there any chocolate I can eat? What about pasta? I don't know these things. Greg and I have always said once we could afford organic produce we would buy it. And here we are, and I know it's expensive, but I think we can do it. And we haven't. It's been on my mind and I'm constantly looking at the ingredients on everything I eat and it's always "less than 2% of . . . ." and then I feel stunted. 2%? Does that even matter? I mean, is it 2 % of poison? Is it so small it doesn't matter? Or does it? Is this why everyone on the planet has cancer? And then I spray my hair with hairspray and think, "What is this toxic mist I'm breathing in as I spray my hair? All for the sake of my vanity?" And I've really been aware of all my cleaning products. I have to hold my breath when I use my stain remover on Scarlet's clothes. And she can't be in the same room when I do it or she can't breathe. But it's like, I can't have her crawling around in stains. People's children are so perfect looking, she has to be that way too. I know it's ridiculous nonsense, but it's difficult not to feel that way. What is all this nastiness we're bringing into our lives?!? And for what? Vanity and/or convenience. Like I said. It's been on my mind. I've also been a little Jamie Oliver obsessed. You know, I totally support his Food Revolution and want to buy a cookbook of his just to support his 'cause. So as I was looking at his books online, I notice he has a MILLION of them. Ok, really just 12, but still I was really surprised. From glancing at them I can tell he's all about natural, healthy food. He has a book all about his garden and I got the vibe he may even raise chickens and rabbits? I don't know. Maybe not. But I just thought, man is that the only way to protect what goes in your body? To grow and raise it yourself? And you get this flicker of, "Can I do that?" Of course not!!!! I mean, technically I could, and it is just the THING to raise chickens out here. But it's just so simple to get it all at the grocery store. And I don't want to be some EXTREMIST and who has time to do all these healthy things anyway? Ah, I've been frustrated in my head a little bit. I was rocking little Scarlet to sleep tonight and I felt so RESPONSIBLE to her health. I put everything in her hands and mouth and if her little body gets diseased because of her food it's because of me! Then I decide, "Ok, let's not get extreme here. Let's try to buy organic and try to be as whole grain/natural as we can. But don't make your life so complicated that you can't enjoy it!" Blah, we'll see where we go from here.
I keep thinking about everyone I know that is sick. And I hate it. I can't even say anything because it's not like I have ANY idea how they're feeling. I had no idea how much can go wrong with the human body until the last couple of years. I had no idea that things weren't "curable." I mean, c'mon you'd think that if we could put people on the moon decades ago and discover these invisible micro-organisms we can cure disease and help people feel better. I was so wrong. And then I think about all the people I know that are sick. And it's like why are THEY sick? I mean, I don't think just "bad" people should get sick just 'cause they're horrible, but I don't remember Amy complaining about her cancer, like ever. Same with my sister Danielle and her horrible Lyme Disease. And there's this sweet woman at my church that has something really wrong with her and no one can figure it out. And she always keeps talking about how she's been so blessed and smiles. These people never complain!!!! Why are the most horrible diseases places on the sweetest of Angels? It seems so unfair. I guess is seems unfair because it IS unfair. But there it is and I can't do anything. I mean, I can pray. And praying actually DOES do a lot. It CAN do the MOST of all. I need to remember that.
What else. Ok, this is turning into a serious post. Oh yeah. The last year I have been realizing what a horrible time I've had judging people. As in I can be pretty harsh towards people (in my head). And you know how you have these "moments" in your life where you realize, "I'm wrong" and then ideally you stop your bad behavior forever. Well, it seems like these moments keep happening over and over and over lately. It started when we were both out of work and living with Greg's parents. And ever since Scarlet has been born, it's been like a rapid roller coaster of me eating my words and not looking at people the same way- which is good. And it seems people keep coming into my path and saying things a certain way which has really brought some thoughts to light. I mean we're always told it's bad to judge people, but I do anyway. I guess I just finally feel like I've turned a MAJOR corner. Atleast for now. It seems, in my life, God has given me these MOMENTS of grace. I don't know if that's the right word, but I don't have any words right now. Like, 6 years ago or something I had this problem of really disliking a lot of people. It was like I couldn't stand SO MANY people. And I knew it was a problem but it seemed no matter how I tried, people just kept BUGGING me! So after I felt like no matter how I tried, I wasn't getting anywhere, I just asked Heavenly Father to give it to me. And it was like in one SWOOSH, suddenly I cared about everyone! Homeless people on the street that used to drive me CRAZY, I suddenly just wanted to HELP them. I would love to say that this feeling lasted forever and I am this way now, but I'm not. It lasted a long time, but it wore off. And I know the only reason it came was 'cause of Heavenly Father. Sometimes I think our own body/emotions are only so capable of so many things and if we've really tried our hardest the rest is just given to us, if we ask. Where was I going with this? Oh yes. Judging people. As of today, I am improving.
I feel like I've officially entered the "Moms Club". It's like everything's gone out the window. But things that aren't important. When Scarlet was first born, I was WAY overly stressed about her appearance. Like she always had to have her cutest outfit on, her hair combed and clipped and a clean flawless face. Oh man, not anymore. More and more I put her in the car seat and she has graham crackers crusted all over her cheeks, clothes and bits in her hair. HER HAIR. Half the time it's in a ratted/matted mess. It's fine. She's a BABY! I can only do so much. Anyway, it doesn't make me self conscious anymore. Which is nice. I didn't like stressing about it. Anyway, just little things like that that just don't matter anymore. It's been a surprising journey.
Greg starts the night shift tomorrow. We'll see how this goes. As much as I know it won't be as good (7pm-7am) it can't be as bad as it was the last time. The last time he had that shift, Scarlet was 2 months old and I was pumping like a mad woman and Greg was, to put it lightly, DEPRESSED about his job. It was like he was a different man. But now he LIKES his job and being a Mom is a sliver of the difficulty it was then- SO!!!! Things won't be horrible. But I'm still curious how it WILL be. Ok, it's midnight. Time for bed.
8 comments:
First, I know I already saw those pics but I loved seeing them again! They are so perfect. I love her so much.
Second- yeah I think that in the last couple years I have definitely learned that life just isn't fair, so I may as well accept it! I feel like I complain a lot about Lyme Disease...but maybe it's just all in my head with myself. I dunno.
I totally have had the same spurts where I'm like- HOLY SMOKES EVERYTHING AROUND ME IS TOXIC! Or like...I must only eat fruits, veggies, nuts! Or WHATever. Just seriously- it's easy to get in this spiral where like...everything seems to be horrible. But, like you said- it can be freaking overwhelming. And so you just do the best you can. You know...start off with one thing...when you feel confident with that, start with another. Starting with buying organics sounds good!
Miss you, and love you. I loved spending time with you at Lizzie's. You are such a wonderful person, and I think it's great you are looking back at life, thinking about now, and trying to improve. That's like...the whole point of life!
Wow! I have lots to share, but today is WW's. so I hope tonight to comment and share my experiences and thoughts about all of this! love you!!!
Those are great Pictures of the two of you I love them!!!
The Chemical stuff I have almost stopped buying the stuff at the store to clean my house and have gone to mostly vinegar and water... Since my kids want to help clean everything with me and its a natural insect repellent as well as nothing else seemed to be getting rid of the dirt in my house it seems to work better not to mention if my kids try to drink it or the get it on there clothes its not going to hurt them!!
I love you :)
The toxicity of this world: that's a toughy. I think it's the same as politics, or any other obsession, do what we can to get informed or change, but don't let it take over your life to the point where you don't enjoy living! I talked to Rebecca about this very subject yesterday regarding organics. Here I discovered this awesome CHEAP store with beautiful produce, but none of it is organic. Right now I get almost everything organic. So- I'm at this cross road- do I start shopping at this cheap store adn save ATON of money? or continue buying from trader joes? Rebecca told me the most important things you can do organic are your meats and dairy. I didn't know that. Almost of peopel start out with fruit, produce. She said the most chemically, toxin filled foods are meats and dairy. So- I think you should start out with organic milk and eggs. Then chicken. And I agree with Danielle to go gradual. That's what we have done, and it's not a burden to us because we didn't do EVERYTHING at the beginning. But now I do, and now- I don't think twice for paying almost 4 dollars for organic free range brown eggs! With fruit- start out with the ones that don't have peels, like berries and apples. Get those organic. But the ones with thick peels like grapefruit and oranges, bananas keep getting the non organic until you feel financially ok with it. There is a list of the top 12 fruits you should get organic. Banana is like not even on the list! So it's pointless to get that organic, they have had a hard time finding anything in bananas. The only thing I haven't gotten organic is milk, (which I'm now starting to do) and meat. I haven't done the meat, because I can't find organic meat! Maybe I don't know where to look?
Funny you mention cleaning products. Just yesterday- I was looking at cleaning products and for the first time thought "when I run out of my clorox cleaner, I think I might try out one of these hippy cleaners". ha.
One thing rebecca pointed out though- was- if you buy a freezer pizza, think of all the crap that's in that? and we don't think twice about getting that. But- then we obsess about an apple that is not organic? Like you said in your blog, I have no idea which one is worse, but I would think the pizza would be worse?!
Just go gradual. Start out with the milk and eggs. Plus, they are yummier, you can tell.
Uhhhh it's hard.
loved your blog- love you! oh- and love the pictures!!!!!!!!!!
Those pictures are adorable, she's getting so big! Don't you just love the summer outfits for babies, there's nothing easier and more adorable than a little romper.
First of all the pics are so cute!!!!! I love the one you are putting in your bedroom also! The ballerina one...ohh so cute.
Okay, people have had cancer long before all of our hair products, skin products, makeup, cleaning products, cars, and etc. I don't know why people get cancer. Some people smoke and drink their whole lives and live to be very old and still get around. I think we should eat as healthy as possible and exercise so we have quality of life. The one thing I do know is if we eat fruits and veggies, grains meat sparingly, we will have energy, and as good of health as we were meant to have. I would eat organic, because it is one thing we have control over. The other things are a part of life. For your clothes, I have become completely converted to oxi clean. I put my clothes in the washer without spotting them, with 2/3 cup of oxi clean (for a full load) in warm water put it on my soak cylcle and then let them sit overnight If you don't have a soak cycle, just set it on your normal cycle and stop it just before it starts to spin. It gets out everything!!! No more spotting clothes.
Judging...that is a trial for all of us. The only thing I can tell you is we do less and less as we go through life, because we get sick of eating our words!! I love you!
She is such a cutie. So lucky to have a sister who can take great pictures.
The organic thing is a hard one for me. Honestly I have no intentions of spending so much money on organic foods. I just can't afford it. Some may say that is an excuse but with three boys and that includes Jeff we can go through so much. We have a guy in our ward that is an apple tree farmer at the church orchard here in Caldwell. He actually said the stuff that they spray on their trees/apples is biodegradable. So it initially does its job and then goes away. Would any of us question buying fruits, etc from the church farms or the cannery. Probably not. We only buy beef hotdogs. The others are nasty. I had someone tell me that they save the better all meat dogs for the adults and give the cheaper ones to the kids. That is so gross. Why would you want to feed your kids the nasty stuff. Just an example of needing to make the good stuff available to the entire family I guess. I guess I am with your mom in that we don't know where some of these things like cancer come from and it has been around for a very long time. It's one of those things that you need to pick what is most important to you and go with it. It's so individual.
Scarlet is so very sweet and cute!!!! I love her so much and thanks for posting pictures of her. I think that you could go organic and Amy is right, most people start with the produce, but dairy and meat is where the most problems are, soooo go there something I do is buy farm fresh eggs form some of my friends. You should be able to find fresh eggs from around there just check the paper and check with your friends at church and someone will have eggs to sell or know someone does. Once you try fresh eggs, you will hate the ones from the store, and won't go back. I buy free range beef from my market Rays and it does cost more I buy it anyway. Lastly I buy farm fresh veggies and fruit from the produce stands and farms. Most are pesticide free, just ask. I have a farm at Pleasant HIll I can buy things from her all summer, she also has free range pork, chicken, beef, and lamb. Again it is a little more but worth it. I haven't always eaten organic, but I try to get as much as I can from this farm. Dairy I haven't gotten a total hand on. I don't think you should stress about it, and some people will tell you the e-coli is in all vegges and meats both regular and organic, so there you go. Nothing is 100% perfect. I think as far as your hair products are concerned I think it doesn't really matter that much. There is always going to be something wrong with things no matter what you do. Good luck with it and do pray about it as I think that is the bottom line, moderation in all things. The judgeing thing it is something you will always have to concern yourself about. Life is hard enough without wasting your life getting angry with or careing what others do or think. Just try to let it go and surrender to God and let it all go. HE will take care of it. Just say your prayers and let Him do his job. I love you so much Megan and You are a special girl and a wonderful mommy. Hugs and kisses
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