Change is in the Air!!!

It's true. In 2 months we are moving to Washington D.C!!!! Yes, it's true. It may seem a little out of the blue, but Greg got a new job and we're moving! Can I get a WHOO WHOO!!!! We are SUPER excited. I am SOOOOOOOOOO excited to see Greg on a daily basis. I am SOOOOOOO excited for him to have a consistent schedule. I am so excited for him to come to CHURCH, EVERY Sunday, for the WHOLE meeting. I'm SO excited he doesn't have to wear a gun, tazer, knife and beating stick (or whatever it's called) to work- oh yeah- and a bullet vest. I'm glad he won't have INSANE 16+ hr days where I'm a single Mom for 3+ days in a row and am barely hangin' on by a thread by the end of it- EVERY SINGLE WEEK. I'm excited. I'm SOOOOO excited. Greg is excited too. The police gig turned out to be a really good experience, but we're excited to move on and have him start a career in his field. WE ARE EXCITED!!!!!

We have never lived on the East Coast. Everyone always says it is "soooo different" than the West and yet they can never explain how it's so incredibly different. I'm excited to "feel" the difference for myself.

Tonight I FINALLY went over SPECIFIC financial details and I'm relieved to say, "It's gonna be ok." I was REALLY freaking out about how expensive it's going to be over there (a LITTLE apartment is going to be WAY MORE expensive than our MORGAGE). But I finally crunched the numbers and we have a lot saved and I'm pretty certain it's all gonna work out just fine. Phew. We don't want to sell our house, which means we have to rent it, so that brings a whole lot of NEW too. There is so much to DO from now until then!

I'm going to MISS living by Greg's parents. I'm wondering when we're going to go on a date again, once we move. Scarlet has been watched by 3 other people EVER. 3 separate times and only a couple hours each. I don't like to leave her with people. I'm a little paranoid. Not as much, now that she's older, but it took me a good year to not be so freaked out. We've been so dependent on Greg's parents for babysitting and soon it's going to be gone. Just like that.

We're going to live in an apartment again! Going from a spacious 3 bedroom house to a 2 bedroom apartment is going to be a change, but I figure I'll focus on how small a space to clean it will be. Focus on the perks! I'm seriously concerned about the kitchen space. We have a LOT of kitchen stuff. And we use it all. And we don't have a TON of storage, but there's a couple bins of holiday/summer stuff that's in the garage, along with a sewing machine and random stuff and where is all that gonna fit if we don't have that extra junk room? We'll figure it out, I guess. It may be a cluttered year. We may even have permanent boxes of stuff stashed in the corners of our living room. Who knows.

It's weird that this change affects Scarlet. Like she has no choice in the matter. I just wonder what it will be like when suddenly our home is a different place. I know she'll know we're somewhere new. And then eventually she'll forget our old home, I guess. The only thing she's really going to have to adjust to is Pat and Randy disappearing. She is so attached to both of them. Pat and her have been connected since she was born, but the last few months she and Randy have gotten really close. Whenever I say "grandpa" to her she immediately starts singing this song that he sings to her. Every time. It's so cute. They're her best friends. And suddenly they're going to be gone! It makes me sad and feel bad that we're taking her away from them.

It's weird. I am super excited for all of this, but when I was driving home from Winco I suddenly realized it will be one of the last times and I seriously got teary! I am attached to this place! I LOVE this home. I love everything about it! And suddenly it won't be our home anymore. It will BELONG to us, but that's it. This is Scarlet's home. I don't know. A part of my heart will be left here. I REALLY hope they have a Winco in our neighborhood. I love Winco.

AND . . . I'm pregnant. Had the ultrasound today and everything looks great! I'm 11 weeks along and my due date is July 23rd. We are excited. I can't wait for the little one to come, I honestly wish it was today!

A few months ago I lost another pregnancy so we were pretty tight lipped about this one. Then when I got pregnant again, I was feeling pretty good about it all until this morning, and then I got all nervous for the ultrasound. It was really crazy, because with Scarlet's pregnancy- I waited a REALLY long time to make an appointment. With everything going so bad with the first go around, I really didn't want to bother with appointments 'till I was SURE it was going to stick. Since I went in earlier, I was so surprised to see a baby on the screen! I figured it would look more blobbish/alien like, but there was this cute little baby swimmin' and twirlin' all around inside! It was so neat! Normally they let you hear the heartbeat right away, but this technician waited for like 10 minutes! So at first I was thinking, "Well, I see a body, but is it alive?" But I was too afraid to ask. And then I saw the baby move and was like, "Well, is it moving on it's own, or 'cause the technician is pushing on my belly?" Anyway, after awhile, I decided the baby was definitely moving on his/her own, and then we finally heard the heartbeat. The technician said it's too early to know for SURE, but that the angle of the sex plate indicates the baby is probably a girl. I think I have to wait 8 weeks for the next ultrasound, though. I REALLY hope it happens before we move. Otherwise, who knows when it will happen. If we have a girl, man that would be so EASY. We already have EVERYTHING. I suppose, if it's a boy, we really only need to buy clothes, which would be way fun.

I AM SO EXCITED!!!!! It was SOOOOO different this time around. At first (when you're first pregnant), you're so captured in the "wonder" of pregnancy and life, but THIS TIME it was like, "Wo, there's my next kid. My next incredible relationship. This is the next member of our family." I instantly felt like a mother of two. I'm already this baby's Mom. They're just not in my arms yet. The first time you have no idea what motherhood really means or even feels like. But this time it's like, "Wow" because you KNOW what it means and will feel like and I'm so excited.

We're pretty lucky. I must've gotten pregnant a week after I miscarried, which I think is pretty cool. That might sound strange, but I still think it is. We clearly don't have issues getting pregnant, it's the keeping it part that isn't so guaranteed. It's weird because I've been pregnant 4 times, but am only getting 2 babies out of it. Losing the baby, this second time was SO MUCH EASIER than the first, which was devastating. I think just knowing that I had Scarlet already, and knowing I was capable of having a baby- prevented all those horrible doubts with the first. And the first time I miscarried, I was 11 weeks (where I'm at now) and it was INCREDIBLY PAINFUL. Like 4 hours of labor and it was horrible. This time, I was only 8 weeks along and it was just like having a period, I don't even know if I had any cramps. So THAT made it a lot easier too. Less physically traumatic. The thing that sucks about it all is simply BEING PREGNANT. How unfair is it to be tired and nauseous and not get anything out of it? I'm only 11 weeks, but I've seriously been pregnant a lot longer than that. But I shouldn't really complain. I have been SERIOUSLY tired with this one, but it's been gone for a couple weeks and my nausea is nothing to complain about. It was worse this time (Scarlet was only 2 weeks). This time it was really bad for 2 weeks, sort of bad for 2 more and then pretty limited for maybe 2 more and it's been gone completely for probably 2 weeks now. I feel so guilty complaining when I know it's a piece of cake compared to 90 something percent of pregnant women. As much as I'd rather NOT miscarry, I think it's just gonna be apart of my life here and there and it's fine. I just don't understand it. What's the point?

It is so WEIRD, there is so much GOING ON right now!!! Big changes, all stirring around us. Lots to do. Lots to decide. It's funny, because the move to Belgium, was clearly more difficult and a bigger deal, but for some reason this seems bigger to me. I think it's 'cause we have Scarlet. Like if we somehow are swindled into some crappy apartment, Greg and I could deal with it, if it was just us. But it kind of matters to me where we live since we're going to have 2 kids there.