My thoughts for the day:
We went to the pediatrician for our 18 month check up, though she is 20 months. I am grateful for modern medicine, I mean I probably would have lost one sister to cancer, another right after delivering her baby, another would have a very sickly life for her whole life and possibly die as well. I think my Dad has his appendix out when I was a kid, so he would be gone too. I feel like I'm the only one who hasn't had medical intervention of some kind. So really, I am glad it's all around- but sometimes I hate going to the doctor and suddenly I have to worry about details and feel self conscious about my parenting (what are you feeding her? what are her physical abilities?) She lost 6 oz since 3 weeks ago. He wasn't overly worried but wants me to take her in for another weight check before her next visit just to be sure. So now I'm all paranoid. The thing is, I swear she's been eating WAY LESS the last two weeks and I was a LITTLE more like SLIGHTLY concerned, but she seems healthy and I figure she doesn't like being hungry and will come around when she wants more. I don't know. I just hope when we go in next she weighs more and they don't ask me to feed her sticks of butter. I would have major issues with that.
I don't want to say this, but I am sick of apartment living. House living is so much better! I feel like a whiney brat complaining about it, but MAN it's like someone upstairs is running a marathon or something! I'm pretty sure they're vacuuming right now and I just put Scarlet down. There's just all this THUMPING around. So annoying. There is this BEEP BEEP BEEP for a good 15 minutes that happens every single night. We used to think it was someone's alarm clock but the time is never consistent. We have no idea what it is. This complex is like an atrium. There are so many CHIRPING birds. I've never experienced anything like it. So if you wake a little earlier than planned, it's hard to go back to sleep with all the merriment outside. They've tested the fire alarms twice since we've been here and it's really the worst sound I've ever heard in my life. It physically hurts the ears and lasts about a minute and then they spontaneously do it 5 more times. It is beyond me how it doesn't bother Scarlet. She has even slept through it. Our door sticks horribly, we have ants. When they do the leaf blower, every week, all this dirt blows under our door and then we just have a dirty mess inside. Our washing machine leaks. I can hear the neighbors flush. What a whiner I am. I just can't wait to get back inside a house again. When we first moved here our neighbors were SO QUIET. We weren't even sure if someone lived above us. Now we have new neighbors. Oh well, there are worse things. Plenty of them and I should be grateful for what I have.
As much as I love that I am becoming way more laxed about EVERYTHING and I think OVERALL it's only a good thing. But with this LAXED- ness, sometimes I'll just let Scarlet eat cheese puffs for lunch. I'm just starting to feel like it's just not worth the fight. I would if it was all the time, but is it REALLY going to kill her to eat horribly sometimes? That's what I do and I'm still alive. Sometimes I really let her go to town on the sweets too and I've really let the tv watching expand. This probably all sounds horrible, like I'm a horrible mother who doesn't care about her child. But even with all of this, she will wolf down beans and rice with veggies at dinner and eat fruit or home made wheat bread for snacks. And I swear, with all her tv watching, she plays SO MUCH BETTER and is SO MUCH HAPPIER when she's NOT watching tv. Before it was like a BIG 'OL FIGHT every time to get her to do ANYTHING else. And then she had to be with me ALL THE TIME, which is hard when I'm making dinner or cleaning. But now it's like she gets some good long tv watching in and the rest of the day goes so much better. It's like she loves to play on her own now. And I don't even have to turn the tv off, she'll just wander away into her room and start entertaining herself. The MAJORITY of her day is still creative and outside time, but I honestly think anyone else would think I was a horrible mother for allowing so much. Also with this laxed stuff, oh MAN- my couch is becoming DISGUSTING. I feel like she eats so much better while watching tv. Like she will refuse a snack and say she doesn't want it, but if I just set it there while she's entranced by Snow White, she gobbles the whole thing up! And lately she's been such a bad eater. I think that's why I've been "giving in" so much. Because I just think, "Well at least you're eating, even if it is processed crap or on the couch." I am a LITTLE concerned about training her to eat in front of the tv only, but honestly that was Greg and I's whole marriage until THIS YEAR. We always ate in front of the tv. I'm not saying it's a GOOD thing, but do we have to be perfect in every way? Does everything have to be stressful to do "what's best" all the freaking time. This paragraph might be horrible and many of you may be cringing. I guess it's just like this- if someone else wrote this and I read it even a month ago- I would've thought it was sad and horrible. But I really don't feel that way now. And I feel like my life is so much less stressful and I hate stress. Life shouldn't be about being stressed! Anyway, I'm just shocked at how quickly I've been changing the last couple weeks.
It's easy for people to say, "Oh well you're pregnant" as far as everything goes. Why eat good, work out or do ANYTHING productive when your pregnant. And maybe that IS where a lot of this is coming from. I can't stand my ground as long as I used to. But I don't know. At least for me, I almost never play the pregnant card. I feel like I really can do anything if I decide to. I can't go for a JOG or anything, but I'm not sick and puking like a lot of women and though I've been emotional the last couple days- I don't even get those problems. The only thing that lets me know I'm pregnant is this BELLY that gets in the way of everything and having to pee a lot. Other than that, it's not too bad. So I hate when people give me that excuse, because I don't think it counts.
I put Scarlet down tonight and dressed down to be comfortable and as I touch my bra I think, "Wo, when did I spill something on my chest!" How could I not remember getting so wet? Then I realized, "Wow, I'm just that sweaty." It was really humid today. It hasn't been such an issue since we moved here. But it's been raining here and there and when we went outside this morning, and it WASN'T raining, it really felt like I was in a wet shower. It was just wet everywhere. The AIR was WET. It was weird.
The gnats here are overwhelming. Really. I never knew it could be like this and I'm constantly told it's going to get a lot worse. I mean the other day Scarlet comes up to me, they're swirling around her head, she opens her mouth to tell me something and I see one on her tongue and it flies away. Like it flew in and got trapped in her mouth and she didn't notice. When I say it's bad, I mean like fly IN your eyes. Not in your VISION, in your EYES. It's disgusting.
I am SO GLAD to live in an internet world. Yesterday I talked to Greg online for two hours and Scarlet got to see him and it was so great. It was so stress relieving. If there was no internet, I could never handle trips away like this. I would get crazy depressed.
I have been loving Scarlet so much these days. I mean you ALWAYS love your kid, but you know some days you're just especially in love with them? Like today we went to a little party of a friend that's leaving for the summer and before I know it I see Scarlet across the yard at a little kid table, eating someone's chocolate cake that was left behind and she has her little fork and is drinking from their cup and her little friend is sitting next to her and I can see Scarlet saying things to her, just like she was out with her girlfriends! It was the cutest thing! She's just been so much happier and more independent. The first month after we moved here was SO HARD. Just getting used to things, her schedule kept getting interrupted and she was teething like a mad woman. I thought it was the terrible twos, but it was really just what was going on in her life and now she's back to her sweet self and life is so much better again! It makes me happy.
I've been feeling a lot more comfortable with friends now. I mean, I still only see them so much 'cause of the car thing, but when I see them I feel like we ARE friends and I can just be me and it's nice. Before I was still me, but I didn't know how people felt about it. Like maybe I was too loud or said things too bluntly and today I was really touchy with people, whereas before I was really holding back- but that's just how I am! I'm a touchy person! But I don't know, I don't think people care. I think people like me. I know that's a funny thing to say. A couple girls are throwing me a shower and I'm so happy about it. I've always been sad I missed mine and was worried I would never get one since I'm new AGAIN and then it's like I'll have 2 kids so why would anyone throw me a shower? I'm so glad I get one! YEA!!!
8 comments:
haha, so I think that just becuase you aren't sick, or you THINK your not emotional...haha...doesn't mean you aren't a little entitled to the pregnant card. Think about it Meg- you are growing a HUMAN BEING inside you, which takes a ALOT of energy out of your body. You physically and emotionally can't handle doing things perfectly or as much as you used to, so like...allowing Scarlet to eat certain things or do certain things, might just be easier because you don't have the energy to do it another way. Which is OK. You've got to remember that your body is doing this huge thing and so naturally everything is just harder, and you aren't being whiny or taking advantage by acknowleging that. Just my opinion :) The humidity! This will sound funny but I'm excited to feel that. hahaha...I've heard everyone talk about that and I just have never felt it. THe gnats though- NOT excited about that...gross! Sorry about the apartment living...man oh man do I remember those days. That would be really hard to go back. You're a trooper :) Love you!!!!!!!
OH YEAH- the doctor thing. I STRONGLY believe there is a place for conventional and natural doctors. Like...yeah, modern medicine has saved lives and where would I be without it?! But that being said, many modern doctors are very crazy and go overboard and become very UNNATURAL. You are mother, and you know best when it comes to Scarlet, so just do what feels right you know?
I love your posts, Megan! They're just so honest and stream-of-thought and all... I'm really excited to see Scarlet next month! And the weight loss thing. My sisters have gone through it with certain kiddos at this age, and even Bran had a period of time when he didn't gain weight... it can be normal. Keep your mom senses tuned in, and you'll keep on top of it. If you decide you need to fatten her up, my suggestion would be coconut milk mixed in stuff. Yum! But kids fluctuate here and there, now and then, as you know. Also, for a while there my kids ate lunch in front of the TV everyday. It was just when they had TV time. Then I realized that I was eating lunch at the same time as them and then we were all finished and TV time was over and I hadn't gotten any kid-free time. So I stopped it so I'd be able to go do my own stuff while they were watching TV instead of all of us eating during it, and it was a super easy habit to break. Unnecessary story, but, basically, do what works for you now, and when it's time to change... change! But you know all that... I'm so glad you're feeling at home more there! The friends thing. Not the apartment-living thing ;) And not the gnats. Virginia summers are so wonderfully humid. Does your complex have a pool? I can't remember if you said it does. Oh man, this comment is going to be as long as your post! Anyway, we're all super looking forward to seeing you and Greg and little Scarlet. Hang in there, and maybe you can get one of those bee bonnet things to keep the gnats away. Ha!
I read the last two posts,and they are wonderful. I agree with Danielle about the emotional thing of preganancy. It is harder to carry a baby, I once heard that if a man wanted to know what being pregnant felt like he should strap a 30 pound golf bag on his back and carry it around all day and sleep with it at night. Then they might understand. I think you are really great to go see the monkeys twice as they do stink. I hate being on a bus, and I hated the train, I think both are dirty. Ugh! I think you are a really good and wise mother, and that Scarlet and your other children will grow up and call you blessed. Love you so much and pray for you each and every day. Hang in there that baby will be out soon enough. Loved all of the pictures of little Scarlet, she is adorable. Such fun to watch. Hugs to you and lots of love
Oh my gosh I LOVE this post so much. I love your honesty, your bluntness and YOU. I laughed so many times. OK- the scene with scarlet eating the other girl's cake- oh my gosh- I BUST OUT LAUGHING, that is the most hilarious, sweet scene I have pictured in a long time. SO FUNNY. I can just totally see it. the watching tv, bad food, "am i bad mother" stuff: AHHHHHHHHHHHh amen! I feel like we are trying SO FREAKIN hard to be perfect, organic, healthy, hippy, modern yet old, obedient yet independent, TOO MAN EXPECTATIONS! I think you are an extremely good parent, sweet, kind, responsible, caring, and concerned. I DO NOT worry about your parenting! AT ALL! I think you are an awesome parent. Whenever I feel bad about being a "bad parent" I think of kids that are in day care ALL DAY LONG, in a swing, watching baby einsteen- OR- the kids who do get to stay home with their parents, but the only thing watchign them is: the TV. Nickelodean babysits them, ALL. DAY. LONG. and they live off chicken nuggets. Scarlet doesn't do that. Even if she watched 2 hours every day, there's so many more hours in the day that she is NOT doing that and playing, and learning through playing. And the food- same. Most of what she's getting is good. Think of how we ate. We ate extremely healthy, but we'd walk to Food Value and buy jolley ranchers and air heads and skittles and chocolate bars. We did that ALOT! I think it's good that you are relaxing on all the "shoulds and coulds". The modern medicine: yes it is amazing. I have often though about how I'd be dead if it weren't for today's doctors and medicine. I would be dead! My spleen was 8 pounds, think of what size it would have been by now! It would have burst, and the bursting would have killed me, not to mention if it didn't- ha- the cancer would have spread all over my body through the bursting! I also think of all oru births- like- could you imagine our labors without the epidural at the end? Would have our babies ever come out?!!! HELL!!!!!!!!!!!! ha. Maddie's waking up- love you
oh yeah- apartment living- suckS! I WANT A HOUSE SO BAD!!!!!!!!!!!! I couldn't imagine having a house and going BACK to apartment living!!!!!!!
I am grateful for doctors too, but 6 ounces?!! that is nothing even if she is small. She could have just eaten or drank a bottle or a big glass of something right before you went to the doc the last time. Just fill her up with water or a big meal before you go in. I think the doc is doing a little CYA. I would hate living in an apt. I know about whining, i do it because I want to go back to our other house. How ungrateful am I!! Megan, you're pregnant! sometimes when you're pregnant or when you have a new baby you just can't be the perfect mom. You go into survival mode and some how everyone survives. When I had 4 of you and Rebecca was only 5 I had to take some days off. I would sit and read a book, and let the older kids destroy the hosue. After about 3 days I would get up off the couch (would have finished the novel I was reading) and be a mom again. You all survived! Oh and everyone needs some quiet down time, that is what the TV seems to be doing for Scarlet. I wouldn't worry unless it was an all day thing and she wouldn't do anything else. I'm glad you're getting a shower! and that you have friends. love you!!
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