Scarlet's favorite thing to watch ever-

She requests it by saying, "Baby dance" all through out the day.  There's a couple other funny ones by Evian, but this one is by far the best. She's even started saying, "Hip Hop" because that's what they sing in the video.

We discovered chalk while Greg was in Africa. Scarlet loves it, but she never lasts too long. She pretty much likes to just use the blue piece. It's definitely her favorite color!

Cleared out a space for the babe. We've officially got 1 1/2 weeks to go and I'm dilated 1 centimeter. Woohoo!!! I can't wait to have this baby. If only Scarlet's appointment with the Lyme Doc weren't in 1 week, I would so be hoping for an early delivery- which happened last time. I suppose it's not up to us. But having the baby a couple days prior to her appointment is not an ideal situation. I'd prefer to be there, without my crotch completely stitched up and in pain and Greg and I having both had some decent sleep, so our minds can actually focus for a very important situation. 

 Scarlet's been trying on shoes and walking around in them. She's so cute! If you notice, she's basically always got her pacifier now. I fight her on it SOMETIMES, but rarely. I figure, it gives her comfort and I'm pretty sure she feels crappy a lot of the time, so I give in.

 Scarlet's been in the unfortunate habit of taking her diaper off. I suppose it's easier for her to do, since it's the only thing she's wearing most of the time. I haven't been fretting about it TOO much, because she's pretty aware of when she needs to pee or poo so I figure worse case, she strips down and tells me she needs to pee before she actually does. Well, I'm in the bathroom and Scarlet runs in without her diaper and I say something like, "Scarlet! You shouldn't take off your diaper." And she turns around and runs away and I see brown smudged all over her bottom. I was on the phone with Greg and I scream, "NO! NO! NO! I- I- I have to go!" And run out to find this on the ground.

It could have been worse. For what it was, the clean up couldn't have been better. Now time outs come with the taking of the diaper off, so it's been getting better- but she still does it sometimes.

 Greg's cousin Zac and his family happened to come through town for a week or so, so we got to see them! It was really nice. I've known them for awhile, now, but most of our contact has been through the big family camp outs- and that's definitely not my best side showing. And there's always a million people to talk to, so we have only got to know each other so well. So it was nice to see them when I'm not feeling like total crap, y'know just 8 months pregnant instead :) Honestly, I'd take 8 months pregnant over camping any day. They came over a couple nights for dinner and we were going to spend the 4th of July together, but Scarlet and Greg got a little sick, so we stayed behind. The kids had a blast. This is Maeve, their youngest. Aren't they cute? Scarlet's been playing so much better with other kids, these days. It was real trouble when we first moved here. It makes me so happy to see her play with other kids. It makes me wish we had more kids for her to play with already. But it takes awhile to grow them :)

 Scarlet's been decorating the walls with non-washable crayons. Now all those crayons are in the garbage :) We had washables, but they all vanished, so we got out the non washable ones. I suppose that was a mistake.

 Scarlet LOVES to sweep. She'll ask for the broom and run all over the house with it. It is really dang cute.

 Scarlet's been sick this week. I think it's just a virus. It's impossible to not be around sick kids. Someone's kid is always sick with a runny nose. There is no avoiding it. I think Scarlet is just really vulnerable now. It seems she never can avoid catching it, now. So she's sick all the time. Her hair has been thinning out. That is from the lyme, I guess. It freaks me out a little bit. I just can't wait to see the doctor next week. She also has a rash that won't go away and this may all be a sign that she has Bartonella, as well. It's a really common co-infection of Lyme Patients. Woohoo. More to be concerned about. I officially hate ticks. I can't even describe how much I hate these little invisible things. I'm officially terrified of them. It's like they're the smallest things on the planet and they're literally taking over. How can such a small thing carry such an overwhelming horrible disease. Why don't THEY all get horribly sick and die, instead of just bringing it all to other animals and people. I always feel bad saying how disgusting rodents are because they are one of God's creations, but I have no guilt having extreme hate for these speck of a bug. And I hate living here where ticks abound. Watching Scarlet play outside is the most terrifying experience. Though I check her constantly, it would be so easy to miss just one little tick and then it's too late- AGAIN.

I am SO ANXIOUS for her doctor's appointment. I can't even describe. I am feeling better and better about this doctor, which makes me really happy. It is just crazy that all this is happening right when a baby is coming. In some ways I think, "This is TERRIBLE TIMING!!!" And then I think, "Well, if she's too tired to do anything anyways, it sort of works out I'm too tired to do anything too, but I can make phone calls and research online or whatever needs to get done." And I suppose of all the seasons for her to be too tired to play outside, summer is ideal- because it's so freakin' hot anyway. As much as it all STINKS, I really do see things falling into place and working out the best they possibly could, for what they are. And every time I tell a friend about her new diet they always ask, "What are you feeding her?" And I almost don't know how to answer, because I know we don't make normal dishes- most people don't know about quinoa and don't make asian cuisine most of the week. But it all really works out for us. A lot of our meals were rice based already. And if they have noodles, we just switched to rice noodles/pasta- really easy. I honestly feel like I have been so prepared for this. It's funny because people have said, "Wow, you can never leave the country, because what could you feed her?" Like, there aren't gluten free products in other parts of the world. But I just think, "We're not really using that stuff anyway. Every country has rice. Or people will go on about how there are so many gluten free flours/mixes now and I just think, "Yeah, but they're DISGUSTING."

Somedays I feel GREAT and think, "I can't believe I only have 2 weeks! I feel so good." And then other days it's like I can't move and just want to sit on the couch and watch tv all day because moving just makes my body ACHE. My eating has gone out of control the last week or two. I don't even care, honestly. I just am a little worried it will keep up after the babe comes. I don't want THAT to happen.  Last pregnancy, I was SO SWOLLEN. For MONTHS. I remember thinking one night my skin might honestly split open. I was really freaking out. This time around, I have BARELY swollen at all and just a few different days. I swear it's because I've eaten so much better this time. And the little bit I have been swollen, has been the last couple weeks when I've been eating my worst. I'm convinced it's my diet. Last pregnancy I ate pastaroni and nachos LITERALLY everyday and I swear just eating a healthier, more whole foods diet has made all the difference. I still pig out on the sweets, but so much more nutrition is going through my body in every other way.

Scarlet's been doing so much worse this week and we haven't been as strict with her diet. It makes me want to have a perfect week again, to see if it makes a difference. That one week was magical. If it happens again, I will never stray again. It is so worth the inconvenience and/or pain. But it's hard to know, because she may just be grumpy from a virus. Who knows.

The last three days Scarlet and I have gone to play outside. This hasn't happened in at least one month, if not two. It was amazing. Feeling the open air against my skin. I didn't realize how much I was missing out. I have mostly been thinking of Scarlet's lack of the outdoors and activity, not so much mine. But it was so beneficial to BOTH of us. It was great. It hasn't been so hot, which is why I think it was possible. And I sort of made her. She always fights me on it, but I forced her the other day and she whined at me in the stroller for awhile and then I think she realized she liked it after 10 minutes. She ran around the park for a good half hour or more, it was wonderful! And then yesterday we went and played in the sand. She didn't last as long, but had a good time. I really need to make a point to get us out of the house. Since we HAVE been getting out of the house- I have been AMAZED at how weak I am. Usually we never leave and I move around the house, but really- how far can you walk in an apartment? Just walking around the park with her, or walking TO the park- just wears me out the rest of the day. And I'm just so tired and crampy by the end of the night and I think, "How am I going to endure labor for 2 days if I can't even walk 5 minutes to the park?" It's been a wake up call.

I know everything's gonna change in a couple weeks, but I've decided I'm going to try my hardest to get some kids over here everyday (or close to it) for her to play with. She needs more social activity. It's not so much that she NEEDS it, but that she LIKES it so much! I feel bad that she doesn't get it! When we first moved here, kids were always pushing her around or she was pulling their hair- constant fighting over toys- it was so stressful! It made it not fun at all. But that doesn't seem to be happening anymore. I don't know if it's 'cause she knows the kids now or is older or what. But it's working out now.

I've been realizing a lot how much our life has changed over the last 2 months. When we first got settled here, life was incredible. We had the most amazing routine of waking up and after breakfast and a little tv we'd go strolling around the complex, so I could work out for 45 minutes- then we'd stop at the park and she'd play there a good hour or so, then we'd move on to the volleyball court to play in the sand. We would sing and play together more and she'd have a good hour or so where she'd play on her own, looking at books or wandering the house exploring. After lunch and her nap, we'd do it all again until Greg came home. And now she just doesn't have the energy to do anything. We can kind of force it on her sometimes- like she'll fight and fight and we take her strolling or to the pool as she's whining or crying about it and then she realizes she likes it after awhile. Same with playing inside, with toys or play dough. But with the heat and my pregnancy, it is really hard to fight with her. I don't want to go outside anyway and I'm just too tired to put so much effort into MAKING her play with me on the ground, where I'm completely uncomfortable. It's been making me feel a lot less adequate of a mother, that I'm not doing more for her. But at the same time, it's obvious how tired she is and how crappy she feels sometimes, so I wonder if I should be trying to get her to do much more anyway. Like her body really does just need to rest that much. But I decided yesterday I AM going to try harder. I mean, she'll let me know if it's too much, and I really don't have the energy to wear her out anyway. I'm really tired all day too. But I need to stop letting the day pass where nothing fulfilling happens for either of us.

The HARDEST thing, is Scarlet seems to do better as the day progresses. She lays around and is grumpy all day until 6 or 7 and all the sudden she's happy and has energy and is running around the house out of nowhere! And then we have to put her to bed an hour later. It's the WORST. I love to see her that way and want to just let her stay up and be happy, but we have to put her to bed.

More and more friends/people at our ward are finding out about Scarlet's lyme disease and have been so supportive. I'm not weird about talking to people about it anymore. It's been kind of good to inform people about it. And I keep hearing about people that have had it, got treated and are now better. So that's always nice  to hear. Last week I got really panicked about the doctor we chose and was so freaked it was all going to be a mistake. I finally got to praying about it, that my fears would go away if it was a fine decision, and immediately they were calmed and haven't come back, so that's comforted me a lot since then.

Thinking about the heat and my pregnancy, I just can't wait for the fall. I may be expecting too much, but I can't wait to not be pregnant. I know I'll be tired, but the whole baby thing will have had a couple months to settle in, the heat will have faded and HOPEFULLY Scarlet's treatment will be on it's way and things will be less STRESSFUL and physically tiring. Am I crazy? Of course, the baby could be a crying machine and never let me sleep and maybe Scarlet's treatment will make her feel like crap and life will be 10x more stressful than it is now. But I'm hoping it will be the opposite. And I'm excited for it.

Everyone feels like crap at the end of their pregnancy, right? Does everyone feel like a crappy mother at the end? This is normal? It's what everyone's been telling me, but I haven't really been feeling it until the last couple weeks or so. Scarlet's so wonderful and she deserves a wonderful Mom and I feel like I've been totally short changing her. I've just been in a funk the last couple weeks.

I've been writing this post for 3 days. I keep adding and changing it. The first time I wrote it, it was super late at night and I just waned to make it more "readable" and then after that it seemed like each day kept getting better so I didn't want it to be SO negative. The last few days have been so much better. Scarlet and I have been so much more active and happy. It's like I realized the last week or two I've really been a lazy mother. It was never on purpose, I'd always just put on "one more show" for her, thinking I'd wrap up whatever I was doing in the 20 minutes the show lasted and I just kept doing it over and over. But the last few days when I feel myself start to do that, I just stop and fold down the lap top, turn off the tv and get out the play dough or beans or SOMETHING for us to play with. It's been a lot better. It seems like whatever is going wrong or right in your life- it just effects EVERYTHING. Like everything just falls INTO place or OUT. I'd say since things have been better the only thing that has been worse is how I PHYSICALLY feel. But oh well. It's worth spending more quality time with my daughter and it won't last forever.

Scarlet has been pretty dang cute lately and cannot eat anything without a plate/bowl and utensil. Even a banana. And I'll say, "Scarlet, you don't need a spoon for a banana. Just eat it with your hands." And she gets SO UPSET, so I just give her one. I don't know what was going on last night but she was happier than she'd been since we moved here. She had sparkle in her eyes and was so DELIGHTFUL and CHEERFUL. It was amazing. Things have been sucking so bad for so long, now- I know it used to be better, but had forgotten HOW MUCH BETTER it had been. It was incredible to get a glimpse of what's hopefully to come. I remember my sisters saying this about getting better from their illnesses. Forgetting what it felt like to feel good. Just getting used to pain and not feeling good, and forgetting there was another way to live. It gives me hope of how happy things will be in the future.

Scarlet's been giving the best hugs lately and just been so sweet in general. She'll be watching tv and just run over to hug my leg for a second or two and run back to the couch. She does it all the time. Or I'LL be watching tv and she'll be playing and she'll run over and snuggle my foot and even give it kisses. She's just so sweet and loving! She has been VERY clingy. She is always wanting Mommy. I don't even mind, except my stomach is just in the way for picking her up and holding her. I can't wait 'till that's not an issue.

We've tried to get rid of Scarlet's Dora addiction, by exposing her to other shows and now she is addicted to Diego. BIG TIME. She loves it. It's all about saving animals in the rain forest. So now she's always telling me the names of animals and making their sounds. Though I usually don't know what she's saying because they're unusual animals that I don't know the name of anyway- I know that's what she's TRYING to say. It's cute. She's also been climbing a lot more. She's been slow to be very physical, but now she can climb up and down her changing table and it's so cute. Now she climbs up and down ladder things at the park. I'm just waiting for her to be able to crawl out of her crib, that will not be a good day. I'm still waiting for her to bust out in a run. I wonder, sometimes, if it still hasn't happened because of her lyme. Like maybe it hurts her knees to run? But probably not. She's just never been that aggressive physically. She's much more mellow and content.