Man. I just took a trip to crazy town. I think I've made it back though. I didn't realize it, and it was a journey getting there- but I went a little nuts in my head! I say little nuts, but I mean NUTS! REALLY NUTS! I suppose, I was a little overdue, being an Arnold 'n all :) but I think I've come out of it.

It was a slow process. Lots of things contributed, but before I knew it I had subscribed to Dr. Mercola's e-newsletter and I got one every single day. In some ways I have no regrets. I have loved ALL his newsletters. They are always on different topics, all health related. I always found them fascinating! But before I knew it, the more I read, the more I started having SO MUCH ANXIETY about EVERYTHING I read. And I mean everything.

It took me awhile to even realize I was all stressed out. I mean, I knew I was worried about these things, but it seemed normal. How could I NOT be worried about these things?! Isn't EVERYBODY worried about these things??? But then one day I noticed Greg was NEVER stressed about the things I told him. He always thought they were interesting and would say, "Yeah, let's make that change" about whatever it was I was telling him about. But that would be the end of it. So I asked him about him not being stressed and he was just like, "Yeah, it doesn't worry me." It may give him temporary concern, but it doesn't linger or give him great anxiety, like it does me. So then he tells me about a coworker who would never say she was stressed, but he said she's always a ball of stress, she just has no idea. So that got me thinking, "Maybe I shouldn't be this stressed. Maybe this isn't normal."

Then Friday/Saturday I was going through my gluten stress and it was like the crazy had peaked and then Sunday I had a break through and finally started to simmer down. The more sunday passed, the more I was realizing how bad it was and how much better I was feeling.

Then yesterday I had a friend over and she was talking about all these current events that, honestly, I was clueless about. And it wasn't so much that I was uninformed and opinionless, about these particular topics, as much as I realized- "You have been so focused on your health/food/body that you have had NOTHING to do with any other part of the world!" It's good to be aware and health conscious. Clearly I am in support of people eating their veggies. But I suddenly realized how out of control it had all gotten. When I die and face God, I know he'll be happy that I took the trouble to eat as well as I can. But I am SURE he will be very disappointed if that's ALL I did with my life. Yep, pretty confident about that one! It was a wake up call.

So again my mind was mulling all this over. Weighing myself out. Figuring out what can and needed to be changed.

Then today. I was tossing over in my head everything. I don't want to be a stressed out Mom/Wife/Individual. I WANT to make the best decisions. I have all this new information swirling around in my head. So if I toss most of it to the wind, does that make me RECKLESS???? If I let my kids eat bread, does that mean I'm a bad Mom? If I'm so strung out about things I can't control does that make me a WORSE MOM? Because I never take the time to RELAX and be LIGHT HEARTED?

So I was reading my scriptures and what do you know the third verse I read was a sweet sweet answer to my unsaid prayer. The ironic thing is that it is in Second Nephi. The Isaiah chapters. I always wish I could get through those chapters faster. They're usually a bunch of words that make no sense to me. But today this one verse spoke everything to me . . .

2 NEPHI 8:3 For the Lord shall comfort Zion,  he will comfort all her waste places; and he will make her wilderness like Eden, and her desert like the garden of the Lord. Joy and gladness shall be found therein . . .

I don't know. Right when I read it, it was like He was saying, "I will comfort you. In all your waste places where toxic things surround you, in your desert that is lacking what you really need, I will make it like Eden and the garden of the Lord, and you will have JOY and gladness."

It was really just what I needed to hear. I tell ya, scriptures are the way the Lord speaks to me. Some people get revelation in the temple, I get it through my scriptures. Not to say that can't change, but I have gotten SO MUCH through reading my scriptures. And hymns. Those are the biggies for me.

So after I read that, it was like all my worries just vanished. I think there's only one thing that's lingering and I have talked it out with Greg and am determined to move past it- TICKS. Ticks and being outside. Ticks and dogs. Ticks and everything. I am terrified of ticks. I am terrified everytime we walk in the grass. I am terrified everytime Scarlet runs over to  touch the flowers or run behind the bushes or touch trees or anything I am TERRIFIED! TERRIFIED! TERRIFIED! The last thing I ever want is to go through this again, with Scarlet or Brighton or MYSELF!!!! I can't get sick and not be able to take care of my kids! But as freaked about it as I am, it BREAKS MY HEART to try to get her away from nature. Nature is from God. It is meant to be enjoyed! Everyone knows I hate camping. I don't like LIVING in nature, but I like being in it! I have always prefered to walk barefoot in the grass, or just walk in the grass in general. I used to go out of my way to do it. I used to like laying in the grass. I want Scarlet to explore and be creative and experience the creations of God! I don't want her to be robbed of it. It is apart of this life!

So talking it over with Greg, we've decided it is important and I shouldn't be stressed out and that we're going to let her play and just hope for the best (and check her little body when she's done playing). I'm determined to move past this and GET OVER IT and be happy. I am sure this will take time, but I know with effort, I think I will be able to move passed it.

So I unsubscribed to my newletters today, which makes me a little sad- because I learned SO MUCH! And I really am interested in all of it. But it is not worth the crazy that has come with it all! As much as it turned me nuts- these are the things that have changed in our life for the better and I'm certain they will stay.

Here's my progress report:

I don't wear deodorant, I use baking soda (I started this before all my reading, but I'm putting it up here, anyway. Same topic.)

I don't cook with oils, I use butter. I do eat oils in dressings, I just don't cook with them. Ok, I just remembered, I do BAKE/BROIL them when cooking veggies. I haven't switched that out yet- but I plan to.

I switched to cloth diapers and wipes.

We don't put our food/drinks on/in plastic anymore.

I cut down my kid's plastic toys but 90%? Somewhere around there.

We only use honey and dates for sweeteners. (Well, Greg uses coconut sugar for curry, and he may use agave for smoothies, but soon enough we will run out and it will be honey only.)

We don't eat any meat at home and have REALLY cut down on animal products, in general.

As much as I still eat a hefty amount of chocolate everyday, it comes and goes in waves and over all it's declined GREATLY. I keep getting better and better as the months go by and it gives me hope I'll get in a really good place someday! We'll see . . .

When I write it out, it doesn't seem like a big deal, like everyone is probably already doing this. But with each change it was like a big SURGE of "Wow! We are changing our life! This is gonna be so great!" And I feel like it has been. I really feel good about all of these changes and I feel like they ARE all big! But for now, I am done. I am done worrying about the things I can change. I want to feel light again and just flow with my life.