When we first arrived, things were pretty bare bones around the house with toys and entertainment. Scarlet got out the paper towels to draw on. And I just kept buying paper towels 'cause I couldn't figure out where to buy actual paper!

I have been washing and freezing berries like mad. You don't want to know. Too many hours. At first it was REALLY HARD, but now I've got the hang of it and am a lot more efficient. Not such a pain anymore. Just a LITTLE pain :)

So many of my thoughts have changed since moving here. Last year I went through this whole extreme of the importance of what my family is eating, blah, blah. I still believe in eating healthy. But oh man, I miss my seedless grapes and seedless watermelon and BIG fruits and vegetables so you don't have to cut, wash and peel so many. OH MAN! Natural food is so much more work. Not to mention it goes bad faster. I feel like I have a REAL GRIP on why all the genetically modified food is out there. It makes a lot of sense. I could be wrong. It could be the evils of men, but I think it's a touch of both. But whatever, here I don't even have a choice and I know it's better for us, anyway.

 So when we moved here it was SO HARD to FIND food, BUY food, ANYTHING ANYTHING ANYTHING food!!! It was the worst. We were practically starving and went from a gluten/sugar free diet to pretty much crackers, white bread, more crackers- what's that? Pizza? More pizza? More white pasta. More and MORE white pasta. Yeah it was really hard at first. But it was the only way we could figure out how to feed our starving bellies the first few weeks. I hated it. But then after a few weeks, I thought, "Well, we're not dead, are we?" So again, I totally believe in eating whole foods, and try to eat that mostly, but I have waaaaaaaay eased up on my extremities. And I'm glad. It makes things easier and less stressful and a lot less awkward when someone offers your kid a cookie or cracker and instead of my head screaming, "POISONNNNNN!!!!!" I simply say, "Yeah, she'll love it!"

Greg got sick. I mean SICK. Like he was practically living in the bathroom for 2 straight days. He never threw up, but he was never without the bowl. You can see him sleeping with it now.

Mind you, he's wrapped up in fleece sweats, along with fleece blankets and I'm in shorts and a t-shirt with the AC on. Poor guy. In the 8 years we've been together I have never, never, NEVER seen him look anything like he did. He felt so terrible. I wish we had a scale so we could know how much weight he lost! We will all have multiple turns. It's just a matter of time. I keep this fantasy tucked away in my head that the kids and I will somehow escape it. But we won't.

This is him, venturing outside to lay in his hammock.

The kids are totally settled and very happy.

They love having a house to play in. So many more places to play in and explore.

Scarlet is doing great. She just needs some friends. She seems to talk about Adolina every day now. She'll get really sad and I ask, "What's wrong?" and in the saddest lowest voice she quietly says, "I miss Adolina. I love her." And then she tells me she wants to fly on a plane to see Adolina tomorrow and go to her house. Or our old house. That one always kills me. She was saying our OTHER house, for awhile, but I think she understands we're not going back now. It really breaks my heart. Her little heart is broken too! And I just don't know how to make it better. I guess I can't really. Just try to distract her with other things.

I seem to be having no trouble finding friends for Brighton, but it's pointless. Kids don't play TOGETHER at this age. They do their own thing. Scarlet needs friends. But all their moms work. And all the moms that don't just have one little baby and scheduling between all of us is a nightmare. I'm trying to figure it out.

I am lonely too. I keep setting up these playdates that are hard schedule wise, anyway, and half the time somebody's kid gets sick so we have to post pone. But when the miracle of getting together DOES happen- I don't know what's going on but I just don't seem to be connecting with anyone. I don't get it. I still have hope because I think I felt this way in DC, in the beginning, and ended up having a few really close friends, but I keep trying to have conversations with women and it's just so DRY. I have never had so many DRY conversations in my life. I want to know how they met their husband, but somehow it's a 3 line or less answer. We met at work. We met online. And when I ask who sought out who? How did it happen? Was it an instant connection? I get, "Oh I don't know. I think I called him and then it just went from there." That's NOT the juicy answer I was looking for. Not that I need a lot of juice, but I'm just used to the natural flow of "I saw him in class and thought he was really cute, but didn't know if he had a girlfriend" or SOMETHING that's a little interesting! Nobody seems to have HOBBIES!!! How can you not have hobbies?!? How can EVERYTHING be about work or STIMULATING your 2 year old? Everyone has nannies. Everyone had maids. Everyone has cooks and drivers and gardeners. I am a total weirdo for staying home. I am a total weirdo for a lot of things.

To be fair, there is ONE mother that I absolutely love, who stays home and is nanny-less, but she is visiting family for 3 weeks. Their is another woman, that works full time, that I REALLY liked, but she is ALSO on vacation for awhile. It's that time of year that everyone goes back to the states. But in the meantime I'm just twiddling my thumbs, hoping we can reconnect when they get back and that it wasn't all on MY end.

It is harder being mormon, here, than I thought it would be. Being mormon only made friend making EASIER in the states. Everyone has the same priorities and standards. Everything just works out. The only question is if your PERSONALITIES are working out. But HERE. "Wanna go rock climbing? We're going on Sunday!" "We're all going to a beautiful park in the mountains. It's this much money and we're going on SUNDAY." I'm noticing a trend. Everything else is always at a bar on Saturday. Or dancing 'till 2am. And we have kids and no sitters. It all makes things difficult for friend making. Everyone we want to invite over for dinner is away on vacation, so it will probably mend itself in time. Hopefully.

In the beginning everyone was SO friendly, but we just didn't have time. Just plain LIVING was so overwhelming and exhausting, figuring everything out. And now that things are settling, time has passed and the invites aren't a frequent as they were in the beginning.

I'm lonely. It's been an interesting wave of emotions- the move here. Some days are great. Everything just works out and I see the light. And then some days are just HARD. And I am TIRED and the kids are grouchy and we have no where to go and no one to be with. And then I despair and think, "Will it always be this way?"

But then there are GREAT days where everything DOES work out and I realize things like . . . we don't use paper plates anymore and I'm able to handle the dishes. I've been making dinner every night and it hasn't even been hard. I've been making LARA bars now. I have a couple play dates scheduled this week. Suddenly things are clicking that weren't before. And with every little click, I see my old life returning and I think, "Ok, this is going to work out. We're just still in hard mode and it will pass."

Through all the bad days I honestly always have a moment where I grab my kids and look at their faces and think, "This is really all that matters. If I have them (and Greg), I really don't need anything else." 

There's been countless occasions where I'm feeling overwhelmed and I stop and in a moment I unexpectedly feel the spirit so strong and He's just telling me that everything is going to be ok. That the hard things are not going to be like this our whole stay. I can't even tell you how many times this has happened. It's given me a lot of strength to press forward with faith and not to complain. 

We're definitely adjusted to living here. All the time I look around and think to myself, "This isn't so different from the US." And then 5 seconds pass and I see something that would never be in the US. The way someone is driving, all the stray dogs, poverty, rubble everywhere, the broken up sidewalks and Indiana Jones Ride like roads. And then I laugh a little and wish my family could see.

The other day, we were driving to church at the military base and at a stop light a little kids of 10 or 12  years old runs up to my car immediately and starts singing a song, right at my window. I felt so strange. I didn't know what to do. So I just kept looking forward! It was pouring rain outside and we all just sat there, waiting. Then I ended up really liking his song, but we drove off. I think I'll keep some change in  the car. We'll see. But just NOW, 5 minutes ago our doorbell rings and it's 9:30pm! What the heck! I go pick up the phone (we have a little camera phone to buzz people through our gate) and it's a group of little boys singing the same song! I think it might be a little song begging for money, but I have no idea. They kept ringing and ringing and ringing and then I said very sternly "Go away or I'll call the police!" I feel bad, but I'm not going to walk out there and open my gate at night. Forget it. And it woke up Scarlet. But it makes my mind wander. What are these little 10 year olds running around town at night, begging for money? I feel bad.

So they don't really allow preaching here. You need permission from the government. But I guess it's ok to say what YOU believe, just not to tell others THEY need to believe. So the first 4 sundays we dressed up, went downstairs, sang hymns, prayed and Greg blessed the sacrament. We had one little mug of water that we shared and most days a piece of bread, but one time it was crackers. It's been a whole new experience living the gospel over here. Living without members. Living without church. It's actually been a really great experience. I can't say I've never felt the spirit so strong, but I've been constantly blown away at how often and how strongly I feel it here. Particularly when we have church. Just putting on my dress as we're getting ready, the everything changes and I just feel the spirit really strongly. The first sunday, I was just bawling like a baby through all the hymns. I was really taken aback by it all. But things have been going really well. It IS hard with the kids. It's weird, because at church, your kid is wrestless and you take him out in the hallway. You hear the speaker- or you don't- but you still went to church. You're still there. You're still following the commandment. But at HOME, your kids are wrestless- where do you take them? You take them out of the room where the computer is playing a general conference talk and you don't here anything. You're at home, not at church. Everything is just put on pause. I don't know. I was wrestling with it all for awhile. Trying to work it out in my head. But by the end, I realized- it's all about the effort, and we're definitely making one.

Well, we finally drove to the military base. That was a whole new experience. First of all- I've never been on a base before. It was kinda strange. I just kept thinking, "Oh I would never wanna live here!" It was dry, ugly and dirty. There were these walls everywhere, all this security to get through. Searches. It all makes sense, of course. I've just never been through it before. The drive alone is 45 minutes and then through all that adds on time. Everyone's wearing the same clothes everywhere. Well, not EVERYONE. So we drive in and there's a canvas colored tent with a steeple at the front and that's where church was. Crazy. We walk in and it's small and a little dirty and very rough. It WAS nice, don't get me wrong. There was a keyboard and hymn books, but it wasn't a nicely finished building. It wasn't even a building. We were the only ones in church clothes. There were 12 others, outside of us. 10 were in there camo clothes, with boots. They all looked the same. 2 others were in white t shirts and blue sweats pants. The guy leading the meeting was in the sweatpants. To say it was strange- I don't mean it in a negative way, by any means. It was such a new experience. They played recorded hymns and I was tempted to interrupt the meeting to say I could play the piano. Being that there were only 12 other grown adults in the room, even if Scarlet only whispered- EVERYONE could still hear her. It was so quiet. I felt like we stood out so much. Because we were in church clothes and because we had kids. And again, I was blown away at the spirit I felt. It just blows and relieves my mind that the church is the same everywhere and testifies to me that it is God's church, by feeling same spirit that I feel everywhere I am, whether in Oregon, DC or Kyrgyzstan. Oh yeah, I was told it was a pretty big meeting, so I'm curious what an average size is- or a small one!

Before we even went inside, soldiers were approaching us constantly because of our children. They all had the same story of little ones at home, that they'd been gone for a long time and how excited they were to go home. It really broke my heart! Greg and I are both giving talks next week. I think we'll be getting pretty good at giving talks. I doubt we'll go in the winter time. I think it will be too dangerous to drive so far, especially in the dark.

One nice thing about the base is everyone is AMERICAN. It is such a rejuvenating experience to be among Americans. It's just easy. Everyone understands one another and even though we're all different, you'd be surprised how we're also the same. It was nice and so much more relaxing. They also had candybars. You know, American ones. We grabbed some.

On to the kids- Brighton has been so much fun. He's walking everywhere now. He took his first steps a week or two after we moved here. It was at a little work party at Greg's boss's house. I was sitting at a table and look over and he just starts cruising. He took atleast 5 steps and I just started screaming. I was so excited! And he acted like he hadn't even done anything. Then he kept doing it the rest of the party. He'd just suddenly take a few steps. It was so amazing. It was crazy that so many people were there to witness it. Not that they cared, really. But usually all the firsts are private and this one wasn't! He walked on and off like that for a couple weeks, then pretty strong the last 2 and he hasn't crawled in days! He is so solid. It's wild. He only had one bad fall and it's 'cause he slipped on a paper plate that was on the ground. Other than that, if he loses his balance, he just squats down or falls on his hands and gets right back up. I'm glad because I was starting to worry his knees were going to be permanently black. As if the constant dirt rubbing his skin would eventually tattoo it. It would never wash off all the way. Since we moved here his knees have been a constant shade of black.

He's so sweet. And so happy. He is always happy. He's a lot more vocal now. If he wants something he tells you. He grunts and points. He's been doing a LITTLE better with signing, but still hardly at all. It takes a LOT of us trying to get him to do it. He is a snuggly bug and I love it. He just loves to come over to us just to lean on us and give us a hug. So sweet. He gave me a kiss today for the first time! So sweet! He loves to smack his lips. When he's tired he does this closed mouth moan. It is funny. He has always done it. But it's a nice que for us to know that he's really tired. He's finally listening. He understands no and gentle and time out. It's soooo much better than it used to be. He hardly hits or pulls hair anymore and it used to be a constant thing. He's even getting better about not throwing his food on the floor! Hoorah!

I NIGHT WEANED HIM!!!!! It's been around 2 weeks since a night feed and it's been around 10 days that he's completely slept through the night without a peep. He goes down at 8pm and wakes between 7 and 8am? A couple times he woke at 6am, fed and continued sleeping 'till 8:30am. But I can bear this. It only took a few days of him waking up a few times and crying for 7ish minutes to just fall back asleep on his own. Not too bad. Very bearable. I don't know if it was me or him that was preventing this unreachable goal. I think it was both. Because he crying didn't seem as bad as it did, every other time I tried this. I have been waiting for this since he was 2 months! It's been a long time coming. I really hope I'll be better about sleep training with the next one. I think I will because I'll just have to be. The whole "not sleeping" thing has been terrible. Really, just made my life so much harder than it needed to be. I don't want it to happen again. But we'll see . . .

Ever since he learned to sleep through the night, suddenly his naps are WAYYYY longer too. It's all just coming together. I'm pretty sure he was hungry for 3 days after I weaned him. He wasn't too good at eating solid foods on his own and wasn't really wanting the mushy stuff. But after 3 days, now he's wolfing down food like never before. It all makes sense why he never ate much food before- I was feeding him 2-3 times at night!!! He wasn't hungry enough during the day. 

Now that I'm actually getting sleep, Greg's been going to work earlier and getting home earlier. We were on a nasty schedule until this week. After we arrived, with jetlag and Brighton feedings, Greg always let me sleep in and went to work really late, but then he'd have to stay late to get his hours in. After B started sleeping 'till morning, we realized, "We don't need to be doing this anymore." The last few days have been so nice. We hardly saw him, before. It was really hard being a one woman show during the day, amongst everything else going on. It's so nice to have him home in the evenings. And it's just plain good to be together as a family!

Scarlet just keeps amazing us as she grows. Her understanding of things around her and just the things she says- she is constantly amazing us! She just loves us and is so sweet to us. We've got her tv time so much more under control. She isn't sleeping with her doggie and babies anymore. The things she's been so attached to, she's letting go of. And I think these are all positive signs! It makes me happy! Things are not perfect, of course, but they seem to be getting better and better the longer we're here. She gets so excited when she talks. It's hard to say no to her because she's just so dang cute. For whatever reason she is going to bed so late. We put her to bed at 8pm and we just hear her running around upstairs, climbing shelves and the next morning her clothes are all over the floor. When we go to bed, at night, we can see that she left her light on. When we go in to turn it off, we see her sleeping in the opposite bed that we left her in.

She is ALL about doing things herself. Her shoes, her clothes, her water, whatever she can. It's pretty cute. She's ALWAYS putting her shoes on the wrong way. Everytime! But she knows this and always asks if she did it right. She loves to help. I'm trying to let her help me more. It's hard sometimes, because it slows everything down and sometimes I'm in a rush! We got a hose and it has SAVED me. She could play with water outside all day long. She loves it.

I have found 3 dead little birds in our yard. What is up with that? How many more will I find? I leave them there and they just dry up. No cats around to get them because the dogs get all the cats. I keep telling myself to not be afraid of the strays, but I still am. And I see little old ladies walking right by them, with no problems at all. I keep telling myself I'll get there.

Brighton figured out, today, how to draw with chalk, outside, instead of eat it! I don't know. Every step gets me excited!

Our life has re-entered the messy stage . . .

I had forgotten about this stage. It is just horrible. I hate it. Things are so messy. The floor, me, him. The walls have splatters everywhere. I had totally forgotten all of this! It's just straight to the sink after a lot of meals. I keep trying to devise ways around it. Better bibs, a towel on the floor. Being super fast while cleaning him! Nothing works. Nothing works at all. 'Tis the life of a mother . . .