For weeks, now, the kids most favorite thing in the world to do is play with water. I don't mind at all- I love it. It keeps them busy for soooo long. Scarlet has finally figured out how to play without flooding the bathroom- but B is still working on it. He's gotten a little better at keeping it in the sink, but then I have to undress him because he's soaked. They'll also play in the kitchen sink and Scarlet will find a dirty cup and fill it with water and it's all cloudy and disgusting and she'll give it to B to drink. Gross. I keep telling her not to, but I don't think she understands, yet. And I'll look over and see B doing the same thing for himself. Eck. Playing outside with water is also amazing to them, but they get pretty muddy and it's bath time afterwards. Are they not both looking huge? They do to me.

Scarlet just keeps getting so "mature" and grown up. She understands so much and yesterday she just up and made herself some toast! She brings it out to me and tells me she got the bread from the fridge, put it in the toaster and then I told her to go ahead and jam it up herself too. She was totally capable of all of it. She did it several times that day. I was actually pretty psyched she can officially make a snack all by herself. That's awesome! It's her favorite snack anyway. I was so impressed with her I decided to let her help me stir the veggies on the stove. I sort of hesitated and thought, "I need to just let her do it! She can do it!" And she totally did. It was awesome. I mean, of course I had to get in there and stir too, but she was keeping herself safe and loved to help. Some people may thing I'm being a really wreckless mother- but I don't. Accidents do happen, of course, but she listens to me and understands the dangers, so I'm going to start trusting her more!

We go home to the states in less than 4 weeks! Crazy! I could not be more excited. I don't know if it's the deadline approaching that is making me feel this way, but I walk around this place and think, "Oh I can't wait to GET OUT OF HERE!!!!!" It seems I felt this way the week before we went to Paris too. There's just so many details that make life more pleasant in a 1st world country . . . breathable air, flat roads, safe driving, a culture/mindset that you can understand or relate to. It will be nice to have these things for 3 months. I'm pretty dang excited. I'm going to get to see a lot more family and friends, than I expected too! So that makes me really happy! I think it will make it all pass rather quickly!

Church is at our house tomorrow! First time since almost a year. Can you believe we've been here almost year already? It's passed quickly. Greg and I are trying to establish how the "routine" will go- what time, what to do for sacrament, classes, primary, etc and the other family literally said, "We don't need to do anything formal!" Um . . . we still need to go to church! We don't have a freebee ticket because we're in a strange place. Why do we go to church at all if it isn't a necessary thing? I was concerned about this happening. It's really awkward because it's just us and them. No one else is around to weigh in on their opinion. And I hate even saying the word OPINION. Church has nothing to do with OPINIONS. You're supposed to do something- you do it! There's no "I FEEL like reading my scriptures" it's "I'm supposed to read my scriptures and so I will!". We care about going to church. It's really important to us. But we can't say that out loud and then of course they'll say, "Well, of course it's important to us! Blah blah!" It's a weird scenario. At least I've been feeling weird. We don't think we need the same exact 3 hour meeting- but we think we still need to study the same material and try our best to replicate it. Hopefully we can convince them. We'll see what happens.

I've been feeling especially sick of my body. I am tired of being tired. I'm starting to get grumpy. I can hear myself snip at Greg and he's done nothing wrong- I just get in this ragey extremely irritable mood and I can't seem to turn it off. Well, for a couple days it seemed that way, anyway. Not lately- thank goodness. But I find myself just being sad and not feeling well. I know it's just the pregnancy, it just hasn't bothered me too much for a couple months and I was fooling myself it was going to last 'till the end. I still have 10 more weeks! I miss not working out. I still try to walk a couple times a week but it WEARS ME OUT. Like so much. I just have no energy- like overnight. I'm getting heartburn almost every night now. I know this is probably laughable, because most people experience this everyday and way more intensely. I've just been losing my appetite big time. I just wish I had a body that was working normally. It's even getting hard to breathe sometimes! Like my lungs are literally compressed and I really need an extra inch in there! How am I going to keep getting bigger for 10 more weeks! I'm going to be a WHALE by the end! I always am the last week, but I feel like the last 2 months I'll be MONSTROUS!!!! I still have 3 weeks of growing before the flight! This panics me a little, that I'll be bigger on the plane with the two kids. Oh man, I hope that flight goes well. They really do travel well, but you know. It will just be the three of us. And I've never done it with a monstrous belly. Usually Greg and I swap holding Brighton while he sleeps. That's gonna be hard to do at all, this time, let alone half and half. Bleh, I'm just not going to think about it. To be honest- as horrible as all the facts line up- I'm not overly worried. When it starts to swirl in my head and I get a little panicky- I honestly feel this distinct comforting feeling that it will be ok. And so I think it will be.

Things have been going really well, in general, with the kids. Things have just been going smoothly. I've not been so worried about tv watching and their eating habits and suddenly I've been yelling less and not feeling so overloaded. I've also been trying to rest a lot more. Laying around more and sleeping in while Greg gets the kids breakfast. I just don't make it well through out the day if I get up earlier. It's too hard. I feel bad not taking turns, but I realize it just turns into a really bad day for all of us if I don't let him do it. It seemed like for awhile, everyday was a struggle, and now Greg gets home and I seem to say everyday, "Yeah! Today's been a really good day! Kids have been happy all day . . . it's been a good day!" And I like saying that out loud.

I find myself really fantasizing about not being pregnant anymore, being able to move freely and even RUNNING!!!! I know it's still a ways off- like 4 months off! But I still fantasize about it.

The baby's been moving a TON. Like he hurts me sometimes! A lot of times, actually! Brighton and Scarlet NEVER hurt me. Like one specific night each pregnancy. I really have had a good run for all my prego stuff. My whining is probably really ridiculous to some, but to me- it's a first and it's wearing on me.

I am SO sick of my eczema. It's been chronic on my hands the last 13 years? I'm finally getting fed up with it. It's really REALLY been chronic the last 3 years- since Scarlet has been born. I'm constantly getting my hands wet- cleaning them both up- it's a nightmare trying to keep my hands away from wetness and soap! So I don't know if it's ever been "gone" since I've been a mother. My meds don't even really work anymore. They make it a little BETTER for a couple days, but then it comes right back and you're not supposed to use it very often. So I've been looking into natural options- so that I can do it whenever I want and not worry about my health. I seem to keep coming back to the same things and some things I think I'm not ready for- like diet changes (eliminating wheat, eggs, dairy and SUGAR!!!!) and then there's taking probiotics and fish oil EVERYDAY which I'm totally fine with but seem to FORGET everyday as well. So I've been feeling stuck. I'm starting to come round to the fact that there is not a simple solution and I can either face and it and say, "I'm going to DO THIS so I can be rid of this once and for all!!!" But then I think, "No sugar? No wheat? EVER????" And then I waffle, maybe I can have a little here and there- I have been overdoing the sugar lately. I honestly don't eat too much gluten, and I KNOW the dairy is a problem- but that's also easily avoidable for me, but the SUGAR!!!! That's my weakness. And the easiest way I get rid of my sugar binge is by eating LARA BARS but I'm starting to think I have allergies to NUTS as well! So that puts me in a not so great spot. I know I get itchy from cashews and peanuts, but I'm not sure of others. But I'll never know my TRUE reasons for having this and how to eliminate it if I don't experiment with these options. It's just annoying, but I don't think my life will ever be in a convenient place where putting so much work into my diet will be easy. I either need to commit or stop complaining. Blah. That's also been a major motivator for all my "natural pushes" these days. Finding soap alternatives, shampoos etc- because they all touch your hands and after each shower my hands used to be on FIRE and I'd have to RUSH to the cream and coat my hands immediately.

Along with fantasizing about not being pregnant, I DREAD how much I'm going to have to EAT when I'm nursing. I couldn't go 2 1/2 hours without a SERIOUS snack between meals. I never comprehended I could eat SO MUCH. I thought it was rather annoying and every time I sat down I would STUFF myself to the MAX so I could go the longest without eating. And contemplating eliminating stuff from my diet just makes me MORE annoyed because it gives me less options.

My best friend, here, has been out of town the last couple weeks, and I think it's been wearing on me. I've just been feeling really depressed about our lack of friends here. There's basically one playmate for Scarlet and it's someone I would never in my life let her play with if we lived somewhere else. He's just really ill behaved and every time he leaves our house Scarlet is calling us all names and saying words she doesn't normally say. I really don't like it. And the Mom and I just DON'T connect. It's not even that we don't CONNECT- she is constantly rubbing me the wrong way. Almost everything she says grates against me and I find that I'm in a terrible mood every time they leave our house. But it's our ONLY OPTION!!!! It really gets me down sometimes. I wish it was different, but it just isn't. And Scarlet LOVES hanging out with this kid! They have so much fun together! She laughs and smiles and is SO HAPPY, so we keep doing it. Then there's one boy who lives around the corner, but he doesn't even LOOK at my kids, let alone play with them. He just wanders the yard by himself while my kids play alone and I listen to his Grandma talk about rescuing stray dogs and sending them to the USA. The Grandma doesn't bother me at all, but if our kids aren't even playing, I'd rather just read a book while my kids run around. There's ONE OTHER friend, but it's REALLY TRICKY to get our schedules to line up. Basically, when it comes to 3 year olds, no one is available before 3:30. A few months ago, that was impossible. The kids used to eat dinner at 4, so it was REALLY impossible timing. But now they seem to eat later and we can stay out later- so we've been dabbling in it and I think it's ok now. I don't mind as much if they come to us, but if we meet them, it's an hour wasted in the car and we get home tired and hungry and I just really don't like it. But I'm starting to realize if we're to have a SMIDGEN of a social life (the kids and I) this is just something I'm going to have to adjust our life to- quick playdates at the end of the day. Playdates where you spend as much time in the car, as you do in their house. I just met an Australian woman with a 3 year old boy, who both seem to be really nice, so I'm gonna try to get together with them this week. We'll see how it goes. It's just annoying because everyone puts there kids in school because that's where all the other kids are. But to me I just think, "If we all just kept them home, then there'd be kids around to play with and you wouldn't have to put them in school!" But that's just not the mentality here at all.

It's something I'm really sick of complaining about, but I seem to keep coming back around to it. One week goes well and I think, "We're there!" Then the next week just isn't. Blah!

I think I'm going to read this book Expert Expat. I think it might help me solidify certain mindsets I need to survive and live happily abroad. I still need to finish the one I'm reading now- Peaceful Parenting, Happy Kids- How to stop Yelling at your kids (or something like that). Pretty embarrassing to admit I'm reading that- but I am!

I feel like this was such a downer post. I think I'm just so tired physically it's making me feel down, in general, but it will pass. Alright! Gotta go!