This is a random pic before we left for the states-

Brighton LOVES to play with the broom and the dust pan. It's gross, because he drags it all over the carpet and swings it around on the couch and beds. I've decided to stop using it and make it a "toy".

Greg got some work done while we were gone! Strawberries!!!

Soaking in vinegar water-

Empty crates-

In the freezer they go for smoothies all winter long! Yum! The strawberries are so sweet here, you don't even need to add sweetener to our smoothies. Makes you appreciate all those costco bags of strawberries, huh?

This was soon after we arrived. How cute is Marius?!!!! He actually really likes the hammock. Sometimes we put him in there alone and swing him!

A few days after we flew in, Scarlet turned 4.

Seriously, look at that face!

She was SO EXCITED!!!! She's been talking about her birthday for WEEKS if not MONTHS. Always telling me what she wants. "Mommy can you buy this for my birthday?!" "Mommy is my birthday today?" So many times.

We made the pink cake together again. Though I forgot to make the CAKE pink. But Scarlet wasn't upset, thank goodness.

What can I say, Scarlet is so loved. We all love her so much. Everyone is always raving about how smart she is. She's a thinker. She is very curious and constantly asking about things and understands v very well once we explain it to her. She is so concerned for other people. If something sad is mentioned about someone else, she gets very concerned and very upset and it's lasting. I'm realizing she's very sensitive. She loves her family and is very sweet to them. She's always telling us that she loves us and that we're the best mommy and daddy. It's so sweet. She usually goes along with what I ask of her. It's very rare when she hits her limit and says no. She gives up so much for Brighton. We're constantly asking her to sacrifice a toy or a certain tv show because Brighton wants it a certain way. She is so good to him. We ask a lot of her. She's pretty much an angel and we love her so much!

 She loves everything princesses and pink. When choosing anything, it's always about the color. Pink ice cream. Pink cake. Pink shirt. Always pink. She's an absolute incredible singer. She picks up a tune so quickly- the words, the melody, the rhythm. It really blows our minds. She'll hear a song once and she'll be singing it later that day and start changing the words. It's pretty incredible for a 4 year old. Honestly, it's pretty incredible for anyone! I always wonder if it's something she'll pursue in the future or even have the opportunity to, or if she'll just always love to sing and have a knack for it.

She loves stories and pretending. She is really good at pretending right now. She's so quick to think something up. She loves to be the Mommy and I'm the baby. We totally role play our real lives where she tells me I need a shot and I start crying and she tells me I need it to be healthy. Lots of scenarios. It really blows my mind that she really does take in what I say, whether she likes it or not. She really does have a great understanding of things and is really good at communicating.

This was to document what a horrible eater Brighton is. See the piece of toast? It has peanut butter on it. I cut it into four pieces. One las been eaten (minus the crust) and another has TWO bites taken out. THAT progress took 45 MINUTES!!!! I can't describe the meltdowns, the screaming, the timeouts that have taken place between us over meals. Brighton has a way of not eating. It's just not a priority for him. Running around and playing is MUCH more a important to him. I've gone through everything I can think of- chasing him round the house, as he plays, feeding him bite by bite (that's the worst), telling him he can only eat at meal times and not after (that doesn't work), timeouts- pointless. It only involves screaming and NO progress! I don't know. I swear I've tried everything under the sun. This boy would wither away if I allowed it. People always say to me, "they eat what their bodies need. they won't starve themselves, they'll eventually eat when they need to." Um . . . that is not what we've EVER experienced. Brighton is SMALLLLLLLLL. Brighton literally didn't grow AT ALL for 6 months when we were in Kyrgyzstan. Brighton is baddddddd at eating. It's just not exciting enough for him. 

A miracle has happened. I make him food. I leave it there. He takes about 3 bites then runs off. Over the next 3 hours, he runs in and eats a bite and runs back to play. The one rule is the food stays in the kitchen. Greg is the only one that breaks this rule and lets the kids do it. But this system seems to be working. He won't eat his oatmeal in the morning, but after a couple hours it's suddenly all gone. It seems to be working out. There is so much more peace in the house now. I can't tell you the burden and intense STRESS that has been lifted, from BOTH of us. It was such a problem. We were fighting so much, the two of us- it was putting a major strain on our relationship. One day I just decided to let it go. No more trying to control him. And just like magic- once I decided to be ok with it and let it go- suddenly everything is ok. Now he's EATING. It's mind blowing and it happened overnight.

 Ok, how can you get over this cuteness? He is just so cute.

Marius. What's the update for him? He's doing great. It seems the last 2 weeks, and WEEK particularly, things have been going REALLY WELL!!! He is sleeping so much better. I was letting him cry it out for a couple weeks and it seemed we were almost making no progress. It gave me a lot of anxiety. It was a lot of hours of crying. A LOT. But now he goes to sleep on his own really good. I just lay him down and leave, no crying at all. It reminds me so much of Scarlet. She was really good like that. It's the waking in the middle of the nap that we're struggling with, but now that seems to be getting better- little by little. Last night he didn't wake up 'till 5am! Let's hope that's not a one time thing, but I'm counting on it. I am not getting my hopes up for that good of a sleep YET.  But all my complaints aside, he really is awesome in the sleeping department. He always has been. He doesn't eat at all at night now, and hasn't for a couple weeks. He keeps stretching it out longer and longer and I'm pretty sure he can go 12 hours a night without eating. He still WAKES UP and needs to be put back to sleep- usually 4+ times, but he doesn't need to be fed. So that's really nice. I'm probably being really impatient wanting more than he's giving me.

He's constantly gnawing on his hands and it's pretty adorable. He's very smiley and it's clear that he loves us and talking to us is his favorite activity. We love him. He's just a sweety. The kids love him to death and come running towards him with big grins, as soon as they see he's awake. Brighton just bolts towards us screaming, "Marius!!!!!" He loves him so much. The kids have gotten better around him, though. I'm less worried about them killing him. Scarlet is a lot more calm around him and he just loves when she talks to him. It's pretty cute.

And seriously. She's so beautiful. It really blows me away sometimes!

Oh man, she's catching on to my language. As I'm writing this she saw a really big praying mantis and said, "Holy crap!" and starts talking about it to me. Oh dear. I guess it could be worse, but it is a little embarrassing. Among other funny things they say . . . Scarlet used to make things up and tell us stories and sometimes it was hard to tell when she was pretending. So I would ask, "Are you pretending or did that happen in real life?" After asking this so many times, now the kids repeatedly tell me, "Such and such happened, Mom- in real life!" I hear the words "in real life" a LOT. In pretty much every conversation. First it was just Scarlet, but now Brighton says it too. Brighton also has started saying "EVER!" Because when he'd jump over Marius or somehow put him in danger I'd yell, "We never EVER do that to Brighton. EVER!!!" He's caught on. Now he says it to me. Brighton says everything now! It's really so much fun! It's so cute to hear the way he says things- I awake Mommy! Daddy downstairs? My zumba! I get it. I hold you. You put on. Lots of simple sentences and when I'm not frazzled, which is almost always, I realize how dang cute he is.

Ah, I can't get over it. The cuteness of Marius.

 He can roll over already! My kids NEVER learn how to roll! NEVER. He's not even 3 months and totally rolls over within seconds of putting him on his stomach. 3 TIMES IN A ROW the very first time! Crazy town. And it was totally on purpose. My other kids would just get so mad they would push off there arms and flip over. It was NEVER on purpose. But he very slowly pushes himself over and you can tell he's thinking about it the whole time. His eyes are focused and he slowly leans to one side and just keeps on going till he turns over. It's awesome! 

Greg was really lovin' how the kids looked in these sunglasses and had to take some pictures. We need to get some for B that aren't hot pink.

There has been some never ending picking of noses around our house. I really wish it would end. At least he's learning how to wipe it on tissue paper instead of his shirt or THE FLOOR!!! I saw him do that yesterday. He even actually BLEW his nose with me yesterday. He NEVER is willing to even TRY that. It seems to be improving. I can't tell you how many times we're out playing with friends and Brighton runs up to me and my friend and says, "I got a booga Mommy!" and we both look down to this HUGE SLIMEY DISGUSTING booger on the tip of his pointer finger. 

It's just so dry here. The first 3 weeks, it was like NONE of us could stay out of our noses. Brighton and I particularly were always getting bloody noses. I was constantly slathering Vaseline inside my nose when I'd sleep and through out the day. Everything is just so dry here. 2 of our 3 humidifiers broke right after we got here so our throats got all dry. Scarlet said she "had a rash" in her throat. It was so sad! We now have our humidifiers working in all our rooms and our noses seem to have adjusted as well. Thank goodness!!!

Scarlet put Mickey in her shirt and said it was her Moby Wrap. How cute is that?

Started school again. The kids love it. It's so much easier this time around. We're sticking to simpler learning activities and so far it's going great!

Before we left, I was all excited looking online at all the possibilities and soon it became TOO MUCH. After much contemplation over our stay in the states, I realized I can make it MUCH simpler and it can still be enriching for the kids and satisfactory for their early education. Instead of these drawn out- every craft, activity, song ties into a letter I'm just teaching her a letter and we practice the sounds, think of words with those sounds, then I find a creative way for her to practice writing it. The whole thing takes 15 minutes tops and she actually learns quite a lot! And it took just a few minutes prep for me. We learned about E and she wrote E's on the eggs and we glued them on a basket. Brighton ran around and colored on the eggs and played along while we said E words and sounds. He definitely picked up some of it, so that's pretty cool too. I debated for a long time whether to do it with all the kids, or alone with Scarlet during naps. It might be more chaotic and have multiple interruptions, but now I don't have to sacrifice "alone time" for myself during naps and B gets to learn bits as well! Win/win! And I'm no longer stressing about making it a strict schedule. We did it for a couple days and haven't the last two, that's just how it's gone and that's ok. My old self would've felt really guilty about that.

Little Marius enjoyed school too! Seriously! How cute is he?!! Pretty dang cute.

Scarlet LOVES The Friend Magazine. She always wants us to read it. I pretty much love that about her. At first, I was so surprised. They only have one picture a page and they are pretty wordy and long, but she really likes them and always wants us to read more.

Greg always gets nasty spit ups. He does to himself. I hand the babies over after a feed and he starts bouncing them and holding them above his head and BAM! Spit up, right on the face.

 The culprit.

 Having 3 kids is complete chaos!!! Shortly after we arrived home, I had some SERIOUS bouts of crying. DESPERATE crying. I felt incredibly overwhelmed and like life was never going to be anything but a constant whirlwind and no accomplishment. I felt like I was running as fast and hard as I could and at the end of the day I was still in the EXACT same spot.

Then my wonderful sister in law Laurel sent me this video-

THAT and a nice conversation with Greg changed my perspective. A LOT. It was a really good video for me to watch. Instead of getting into bed, at night, thinking of all my "failures" that day- the things that didn't get done, the food my kids didn't eat, the hours of tv we all watched, me losing my cool and yelling at the kids, I now go through the day and acknowledge my successes! And there are many. Before I was criticizing even the things I was doing well. I used to see the undone dishes, the one pot meals (vs the extravagant meals I used to make), the school we didn't have, the baths that didn't happen, the yelling that DID happen, etc etc. I saw every piece of my life as a failure.

Then I watched this video and looked at my life and this is what I started to see. I have three kids and at the end of the day, the house is reasonably clean. There are toys on the floor and dishes in the sink, but overall it looks nice. Dinner gets made everyday. I haven't once not had dinner when Greg gets home. This to me is a miracle. I don't understand how it even happens. And they're healthy meals. It's simpler than it used to be and side items have become a thing of the past- but one way or another we all get fed by the end of the day. The kids are watching less and less tv and playing more and more each day. Instead of losing it all day long, my patience seems to be on empty around that 12th hour, right before bedtime and considering (most days) I don't yell at my kids those first 12 hours- I think that's pretty good! I would love to master this weakness and NEVER yell at my kids- but hey, that's not my reality, right now. Now, instead of despairing that I yelled at my kids once (or many) times in the day I see that in the grand scheme of things I'm good to my kids. I'm human and I make mistakes. That doesn't mean I'm bad to my kids.

Through this, I've realized perspective has SO MUCH to do with happiness. My life hasn't really changed. The same tasks get done or don't. But instead of seeing it all as a failure, I see the things that DID get done or the things that DID go well. I was quite despairing and now I'm quite happy. It's amazing how quickly it all can turn around. I'm quite taken aback by it all, but very glad at the same time.

After all this, I realized something. Mom Bloggers. The wonderful and painful part of being a Mom- is seeing all of these blogs. They are GREAT resources. I love being able to search out "baby food" or "preschool" or whatever and some incredible blog pops up with so many ideas and solutions to my problems!

This is the problem.

There's the Food mom bloggers (whole food, vegan food, sugar free, gluten free). The homeschool bloggers (they have these masterful plans everyday that tie everything they're learning together, teaching many skills at once with only one activity). The Babywise bloggers (the ones who are masters at getting their babies to sleep for as long as they want), the bloggers who parent gently and can dissolve a tantrum in 10 seconds flat (I'm sorry but I do NOT believe that one), then there's the non-mom bloggers that have clean homes, the ones that are fashionable and can DIY for under $10 and look like a fashion model. Don't even get me STARTED on the exercise blogs.

Ok, when you look at all these things and they all have their simple easy methods for doing these things. In the moment, when you're reading them you get this AHA! moment. An I CAN DO THIS moment. I can do 20 squats a day and have an amazing butt! Why couldn't I do that? I can have homeschool everyday, all I need is construction paper! I can eat whole foods everyday, this recipe only takes 15 minutes! All I need to say is "tables aren't for jumping" and he'll stop! Amazing! My problems are solved!

YEAH. RIGHT.

It's easy to think, individually that you can do all these things. But each and every "little task" is a LOT to put on one's plate once you add it all together- especially when you add in sickness, lost sleep, daily anxiety due to MANY different possibilities. The thing is, each blog is individual. It's the vegan Mom. Not the vegan/babywise/clean house/runs and hour a everyday Mom. They each have their own thing that they are good at and are passionate about. Also- they could just be flat out lying. I'll never forget Best  Bites did a post about how someone they knew asked how they served such amazing meals everyday. And she said that she loves to cook and sometimes DOES do amazing meals, but most of the time it's hot dogs or mac and cheese for her family because that's all she can scramble together at the end of the day. How refreshing is that? Just because people KNOW what to do, doesn't mean they DO IT.

This popped in my head quite recently and it's been a comforting revelation.

My baby's fussing. I'll finish up some more tid bits later.

I'm back. Among other things, things keep popping in my head to make my life easier! Mainly- FREEZER MEALS.

I have ALWAYS been a freezer meal advocate. Man, does a frozen ready to go make my life easier! But when we cut meat out of the picture (our at home picture) suddenly frozen meals got a lot more limited. A LOT more limited. Frozen meals pretty much consist of MEAT and SOUP. So I freeze a lot of soups, but that only gets me so far. Here are my little TRICKS I've been doing . . .

LARA BARS. Been making those for a LONG time. I used to make them everyday for my lunch when I was pregnant with Marius. Now when I make them, I double the batch (or make it twice incase it's too big) and FREEZE what we don't eat. Then I take out bit by bit when I want and it's SOOOOO nice to have on hand. They thaw out beautifully. You'd never know they were frozen. 

Take it a step farther! Yesterday, I made the kids "healthy cookie dough", it's made of nut butter and beans and it's pretty dang good for being pretty dang healthy. So I thought to myself, I'm gonna double this and freeze half! I bet it would work. Then I think to myself, I've dirtied the food processor. I have to clean this stinkin' thing EVERYDAY. What else do I make in this thing? So I rinse it and make 3 batches of LARA bars and freeze it all. I have this massive bag of go to snacks now in the freezer. Adding all my cuisinart use up, it was what WOULD BE 6 different batches of snacks. So instead of getting everything out and washing it all up 6 times- it was ONCE. Booyah.

This is my way of thinking now.

So today, instead of making enough rice for dinner- I made as much as my pressure cooker would hold, and I'm going to freeze the rest. Probably in batches for dinner and a few individual servings. I haven't tried this out yet- tonight's the night. But I don't see why it wouldn't work. Booyah. I'm going to do it with my breakfast grains too. Not a batch for the week, but the biggest batch I can make. That's all the less time getting it together to cook and all the less time cleaning all the dishes. WIN/WIN and SAME amount of time. 

I'm going to try freezing things I'm not used to. Meals that have lots of veggies that take a lot of prep- like lo mein. They're super good but take a lot of time. And usually you buy a cabbage but only need a quarter and the rest goes to WASTE. No more! I'm just gonna run it all through my food processor- the carrots, the onions, the peppers. ALL OF IT. All that work takes seconds!!!! Then I think I'll just divvy up into 3 batches or and cook one up and freeze the others, ready to go. Then I just need to prepare the sauce and noodles. So much easier. It doesn't take away ALL the work, but it simplifies things. People always act like you have to blanch veggies and go to all this trouble. Last year Greg and I prepped a MASSIVE bag of red peppers and froze it all. Almost every meal we'd take out a handful or two and add it to our meal- whatever it was- quesadilla, stir fry, pasta with sauce and veggies and it always turned out great. There wasn't a difference. So I'm thinking it will be the same for everything (that you end up cooking in the end). If it doesn't work out, there will be a little waste and I'll stop doing it. But I have some pretty good vibes it's going to work. I just have to remember. There's all kinds of things I was trying to work out in my head while I was at my parents. I thought about food a LOT.

Another cool thing involving food- beans. After I read a nutrition book it said to eat beans EVERYDAY. I couldn't even BELIEVE this "commandment". It seemed so outrageous and impossible. So right then and there I made a goal to start finding meals with beans and eating them in new ways and GUESS WHAT PEOPLE?!! I did and we totally are. I feel like we eat beans everyday! They're in SO MANY of our meals now! The only time we DON'T eat beans is with pasta and I suppose stir fries- that would be nuts. Anyway. I'm really happy I've achieved it. It happened really fast. If you're wondering how in the heck I eat so many beans- I have found some really good bean/quinoa recipes with really yummy dressing- who knew? Also YUMM sauce has a TON of beans in it. There are really good bean dips you can make at home and eat with veggies (I've been doing that a lot lately) and there's even this ASIAN bean dip that I put on sandwhiches- they're called Bahn Mi and it's soooo good! Oh yeah, and then there's Indian Food- that one works really well. I'm really happy about it, because the last year I have realized more and more that I am very much allergic to every nut except walnuts- so that puts yet another damper on our weeknight vegetarianism. Beans are so filling and go great with grains- which we eat a lot of too. Anyway. I'm so glad! I feel like our repertoire of meals is so much more rounded out now! I'm really happy about it!

So all those things have been pretty cool. I've not mastered it all yet- but I'm hoping I will.

Another good thing- WORKING OUT. Holy cow- exercise is literally my medication. If I didn't exercise, I think I'd have to get on medication, but exercise makes it so I don't have to. There is no exaggeration here. After I had Marius, things were going well and then at some point I just started to lose it and Greg gave me a Priesthood Blessing and right afterwards (if I remember right) he told me he thought I should start working out everyday. That it would pretty much be a priority, over everything else. I knew the words sounded silly but I knew it would help me feel better. And it did. After my very first run on the treadmill it was seriously like I took a pill of happiness. My head was so much clearer, I felt so much better. EVERYTHING was better. So I kept running on the treadmill and then things got busy or I was too tired and I stopped for a few days- and it seems it's that 3 day mark- I start to lose it again. I feel my "crazy" coming back on and if I work out, it goes away. So a week or two ago, Greg and I decided to start waking up at 6am to work out- because I've been working out in the day time, but it just takes so much time out of the day- and it makes it harder for me. So we started and it was AWESOME. Seriously made the days go better for both of us- but especially me. Then something happened and I didn't work out for a few days and suddenly I felt my crazy come back. Just like that and I thought- I need to work out. I did NOT want to get up in the morning, but I made myself and I tell you- mid work out, it's like I feel so much stress melt away and my head becomes clear. So yeah- I've always known I SHOULD work out, just like it's "something everyone should do"- but it's seriously become a life long goal now. Over the years we've gone through good and bad spurts- but every time we jump back on the bandwagon, we seem to get better about it. And now I realize, I just plain need it.

It's crazy, because looking back on my life- my happiest "got it together" times- WERE WHEN I WAS WORKING OUT. I never connected the two- but it's true! Right after I had Brighton, I was working out EVERYDAY. I did Zumba 45 minutes a day and I was a machine. Then I started running in the mornings and it was the same. That was a REALLY stressful time in my life- Scarlet was suffering from Lyme Disease, but I think I escaped massive depression because I was so diligent about working out and didn't realize it. MOVING HERE- when we got here, everything was HARD. Then we got a treadmill and I started running again (I hadn't worked out since we moved here). And what do you know, SUDDENLY Kyrgyzstan became a great place to live and I was happy to be here. Then I got pregnant and never worked out and felt really depressed to be here. Then I hit my 2nd trimester and started Zumba again and everything was great for 2 months, until I had to stop again. I'm telling you- I think it makes a big difference for everyone- but it really makes a difference for me.

It's crazy, because I read a book all about the effects of the brain (positive effects) from exercise- and now I'm witnessing it in myself! 

Among ALL the things I just mentioned- I think the biggest part that's helped is learning to let go of everything. When I say let go, I guess I just mean let go of my "need to control". I really like to have plans, I really like things to be organized- it keeps my head cool. But that has been NOTHING like my life since I had Marius. I've never known such chaos and exhaustion and so many things going on at once! So many interruptions! So many little people needing different things, all at different times- and THE SAME TIME!!!! It has been the most insane experience I've ever had and trying to get ahold of it all was making me go insane. But somehow, through all of the above, I've realized I'm just going to let it all go. Let my house always be a little messy. Let my kids watch tv if I just can't handle them. Be less creative in the kitchen. Not worry about only being able to fit into one pair of pants that aren't maternity. It's all ok. I'm just gonna trek along and get done what gets done- do my best and relax when I just can't handle it anymore!