JULY + AUGUST

After we got home we had a few weeks to get over jet lag and get ready for SCHOOL!!!

The kids LOOOOOVE the hammock and fight over it regularly. They love to twist up inside it like this and I think it's pretty funny.

Little Marius

Greg has faithfully been reading the Harry Potters to Scarlet every night and sometimes during the day on the weekends. They're on book 5 right now and it kinda freaks me out.

While we were home in Rogue River we bought everyone LEGOS!!!! I actually think it was Marius's birthday gift. The kids LOVE them. I never knew how amazing LEGOS were. Now I understand the obsession. They're incredible! I LOVE that my kids play with them. They love them so much.

The kids love to play with the hose.

And water plants . . .

Marius rarely wears shoes outside.

Scarlet was begging for months to learn how to sew and soon after we got her some needles and thread, the boys wanted to do it too and oh my goodness- Brighton really has a knack for it. His first try his tension and placement were perfect. He is a natural.

Scarlet was asking "How many more days 'till school?" everyday for 2 months before the day finally came. She was SO EXCITED!!!! Well she did good for a couple weeks and has been struggling pretty horribly ever since. It's been awful. She literally has panic attacks and struggles to breath, with intense stomach pain and nausea- to the point of running to the bathroom to throw up (though she never does). It got so bad I couldn't get her on the bus, in the morning, and have been driving her to school every morning for weeks now. The whole process of getting to and from school with her takes 1.5 - 2 hours. I make it 2 so I can chill out with her at school before class. I also pick her up from school twice. For a little while I went in to class with her sometimes 45 min and once 4 hours. And she now meets with the school counselor every single day. She cries when I leave and begs for me to stay or pick her up so she doesn't have to ride the bus. She cries during school- up to 45 minutes first thing in the morning, right after I drop her off. She'll face a corner in the classroom, so no one sees her and it's just horrible. She won't play at recess and now she won't even read at recess like she used to. She just sits alone on a bench "thinking about mommy". That's the whole problem. She misses me. Then she takes time to write me a horrible note about how horrible her day was, with details about missing me and pictures of her face with tears. She hands it to me first thing after school as if it's a very important thing to deliver. She and her teacher wrote me this very LONG detailed email about why she misses me so much (sort like I'm failing at home) and that was just awkward. Anyway. It has been quite the ordeal and it's gotten BETTER, but she still has a long way to go. She also gets anxiety attacks at bedtime, just thinking about going to school the next day. It's been intense. This was the first day. She wouldn't stop being silly.

Somehow I didn't get a picture of Brighton on his first day. Brighton did GREAT the first 2 weeks. The first one or two weeks were half days and they never left the classroom. After that it went to a 9 hour day (including bus time) and suddenly he had an art teacher, a music teacher, a PE teacher- all in different parts of their GINORMOUS school and it all really stressed him out. He loved just having his 2 teachers in his one classroom- but when everything changed he didn't want to go to school and it became a big problem. I came to class and recess a couple times, but when I came it just got worse, because he would cry when I'd leave. Then I just plain couldn't even get him dressed and ready for the bus. I'd gently wake him in his bed and before he'd open his eyes he'd grab his pants with one hand, so I couldn't change him- and grab the bed post with his other, so I couldn't take him from his bed. I don't remember much, but I think we tried for a couple weeks and that was the just the end. There was no fighting it. I thought about taking him to therapy to help with his anxiety in new situations, but the drive was so far- and Brighton is so slow to get comfortable with people I decided it wasn't worth giving tons of money and time to MAYBE get a little better, many months in the future. We decided to just keep working at it at home.

Little Marius and I had a blissful 2 weeks alone at home and it was simply wonderful. I loved paying attention to him more- doing activities, just he and I. At this point in time, he was by far my easiest going kid- never wants to leave the park, never gets phased by new people or new things. He even eats. I was bummed to have it taken away- but Marius loves having Brighton home. It all ended up fine, but I felt bad putting Brighton through such an anxiety filled situation.

When I took Brighton out is when suddenly Scarlet started having all her problems. Scarlet kept at it for 2 more months and she definitely made progress- but school was not a positive experience for her. She didn't like being away from me and I hated taking so much time going back and forth from school. It took a lot of time and basically wiped out all of my time for working out. The boys cried and were upset everyday that I left, it was emotionally exhausting and just wiped me out first thing in the morning, every single day. One week we were all sick and the week was so mellow and we were outside hanging out and I thought, "We haven't spent time like this outside in months. This used to be how we spent every single day. What changed? Why don't we do this anymore?" And I realized- it's me driving Scarlet to school! It takes 14 hours out of my week! 14 HOURS!!!!! And it's 14 DRAINING hours. 14 hours that start with kids crying at me, then my anxiety filled daughter, worried she's going to throw up, then she cries as I walk away, and drive an hour home in really frustrating traffic. This is how I start every single day. And then twice a week I do the same thing again 4 hours later when school ends. Well once this all came together in my head, I realized- why are we doing this? This stresses me out. This stresses Scarlet out. This stresses the boys out because I'M stressed out and away from the home 14 hours more than I used to be. Right then I thought, "I think I wanna homeschool Scarlet. That could solve everything and bring this relaxing joy back into all our lives. So I did. Her school was really apprehensive about it- but I just knew it was the right thing for us. Just like that, Scarlet was smiling again and the boys loved having her home. I loved seeing her play and enjoy herself, instead of constantly suffer from such anxiety. She's only 6!!!