Sick of Being Sick

Well I feel like total crap. And to top all the crap off, I just spilt boiling water all over my left hand and it splashed on my leg. So that hurts too. I'm really ticked about it. You know, things like that where you're just thinking, "I could've avoided that." Argh. Of all things to burn. I really need to practice the piano. I've never been so stressed about accompanying on the piano. For some reason, all the pieces for choir seem to always be REALLY difficult. What happened to simple hymns or arrangements? No more! I guess I can understand. The complicated ones sound the coolest but THEY'RE HARD TO PLAY!!!! And so at choir today, I'm realizing I STILL don't have them ready and need to practice, practice, practice and then out of nowhere TWO different people ask me to accompany them in church this Friday and in a couple weeks, as well. So now I have to practice THAT. Thank goodness, those ones actually ARE simple. But I just felt OVERWHELMED. And I sort of can't stand one of them (a lady who asked me to accompany her). She's just ALWAYS driving me crazy. Like I go to choir EARLY to practice and SHE'S there early too and will just COME RIGHT UP TO THE PIANO behind me and just sing. ARGH!!!! How am I supposed to practice and focus with THAT distraction behind me. She did it when I was practicing with the other woman too. We are practicing ALONE. It's a SOLO. I've never played it before and we're just whipping it up and suddenly BAM! I feel her presence and she's 2 inches from my shoulder. WHY! WHY! WHY! And I just want to say strongly, "Back off!" But I CAN'T. And to top it off, her voice just isn't my favorite. Can you tell I'm in a bad mood? I'm in a bad mood.

I've been SICK for 2 weeks and it's progressively getting worse. I think something might be wrong and Greg told me to go to the doctor. I HATE going to the doctor. I mostly just hate waiting in the lobby and then in the room for what seems like ETERNITY. And who wants to do that with a baby. Bringing her places makes me anxious. I need to get over it because she never DOES 'cause problems. Atleast rarely. But I don't want to bring her around all those sick people. And what if she cries while the doctor's actually looking at me? What a distraction! I want the doctor FOCUSED so they can CURE me. Anyway. What a whiner I am right now.

For Thanksgiving I went to California to meet up with my family for our Reunion. I was really anxious about flying alone with Scarlet, but it actually went well. I'm always amazed at how easy she is. (Alright, it's the next day and Scarlet slept 7 hours, and therefor I slept 7 hours. I'm feeling much better now.) It was good to see everyone, though I was a bit of a basket case the first day. Life has just been crazy these days. Pumping and visiting family, don't go together. 3 times a day I'd have to run to my room and pump for 15 minutes, then clean myself up and clean my pump accessories, clean all the bottles, etc. The whole process just took so long and to do it 3 times a day. Not to mention washing everything by hand was killer on my hands. I forgot to bring gloves (my hands are way sensitive to soaps). And then there was waking up each night with Scarlet, and doing most of the day feeding and then putting her down for all her naps. Sometimes this took some time too. I think she had more trouble falling asleep being in a different place with so much noise, etc. So that took a lot of time too. I think it would've been a lot better if Greg could've been there, but it was just me. It just seemed I was never around, which kind of stunk. It seemed all through out the day people would ask me, "Where have you been?" Also, I was sick all week, so that added to everything.

One of my favorite parts was . . . THE SPA!!!! I've worked in spas, I've had pedicures and massages, but I've never been in a spa for HOURS, just to relax. I LOOOOOOOVED it. Ah, why can't I be rich and do this on a weekly basis? This is all the girls on the way there. We're all excited.

Danielle and Amy

Mom, Me and Lyndsey

Rebecca and Lizzie

At first we had this water aerobics Tai Chi group class. I loved it. I don't know. I'm getting into meditative things lately. I like it. It relaxes me. A lot of people though it was really silly, but I liked it. Then we waited in the "relaxation room" before our mud session. I loved that. I was just really needing a break. I don't have to tell anyone how much a new momma sometimes needs a break. And I was needing one. Basically it was just a room of beds and I just laid there.

Then it was the MUD. We went in this room and there were all these muds and paint brushes so we just painted each other! It was fun! I thought it was gonna be silly, which it sort of was- but it FELT really good! It was soothing and relaxing! Who knew? Everyone, except Danielle and I stripped down to their birthday suits. I was really surprised. I consider myself a "naked" person, but I just didn't feel like it. I felt a little funny, like it was a 1000 years ago in Greece when everyone was naked. If it even was like that. But you know what I mean.

Well, here I am. Don't I look like an Aborigine?

I painted Dan.

My sister Amy and Lyndsey in the background.

All of us, ready to go shower off.

From left to right (behind me) Lyndsey, Amy, Lizzie, Mom and Danielle.

So we were supposed to shower outside but something was broken and the water was COLD. I actually DID rinse off, despite the cool temp, but no one else did. I was just sick of being in the dry mud. I wanted it off, and it wasn't THAT bad.

It was the best Thanksgiving meal I've ever had in my life. I hope the others compare to it. Each bite was delicious. I was SOOOOOOO excited to have Lizzie take pictures of me and Scarlet, and when the time came- I had completely lost my voice and felt like total crap. Oh yeah, and Scarlet had a fever. So I just couldn't bring myself to glam up and fake a smile. She took such amazing pictures of everyone else. I am so jealous.

After the reunion, I still had a few days before my flight home so I stayed with Rebecca and her girls. I just can't resist playing with Scarlet's hair sometimes. The only bad thing about her hair is when she's on her back and spits up it just soaks in and it's disgusting. It will just drip slide down her cheek and glob in. Gross.

She is getting chubby. Both Rebecca and I kept exclaiming, "I think she just grew!" after her naps. The last night I was there Rebecca's fiance, Steve, came over and we decorated the tree. It was really fun! It was nice getting to know Steve a little better. I got to see a whole new side to him. He's a real joker. He kept making us all laugh and was being silly.

Aliese

Anna

Gracie was being so funny. I'd be looking through the camera and realize, there she was, posing for me.

Steve and Rebecca

They put their ginger bread reindeer and sleighs on the piano. They made them at the reunion with my Mom and look how well they all go together! Everyone was excited about how cool it looked.

Rebecca and Scarlet.

Ah, it never felt so good to be home. It's been a GREAT weekend with Greg. It's been a lot of fun playing with Scarlet. She just keeps growing and changing! She's more interactive and it just keeps getting better. She's been playing with rattles now. She can't hold them forever, but she's starting to figure it out. The only problem is she will SMACK herself in the head with them. And I mean HARD!!!!!

Here's a video. Probly not too exciting, but we think everything is exciting, so here ya go.

Yesterday we put Scarlet in the bath with Greg. It was so cute to see her so immersed in water. The look on her face was just, "What is this? What's going on?" She was cute.

Last, but not least- Scarlet's Blessing!

Pat and Randy came, of course.

And a lot of Greg's family came! 5 people aren't even pictured, they had to leave early (the Hendersons). From left to right:

Paul, Dominic, John, Rochelle, Randy, Me, Scarlet, Greg, Pat, Molly and Dan.

It was great to have so much family there. The whole day went really nicely, but I was EXHAUSTED by the end. I was trying to remember what Greg said during the blessing, so I could write it down later, but very quickly it was fading from my memory. Then right after sacrament, the Relief Society President said, "I have a gift for you." I assumed it was a late baby gift and she hands me a piece of paper with the blessing written down! I couldn't believe it! She wrote the whole thing down. I was so pleased and grateful.

Here we are.

I like these candid shots.

I designed the dress and my Mom made it. She did such a good job. I didn't put it on her until we arrived at church! But she looked so cute in it!

I wondered if people would think I was sacrilegious for not having the traditional white and adding RED of all colors. But I wanted it that way! And it was fitting, since her name is Scarlet, 'n all.

I think she looks so cute here.

Finally, a good picture of us!

But then I see this one and I'm like, "What???? I need to get some bangs and wear more makeup!" But why! I don't want to! But I don't really want to look crappy either! Why must it often be one or the other?!!! I'm envious of men who just wash their hair and go, and they look great. It's not fair.

Well, last night, when I began this post, I thought I was going to die, I felt so horrible. But I feel better now. Still sick, but a lot better. My jeans are fitting a little better because I lost 7 pounds!!! Hoorah!!! Thank you Weight Watchers Program. I LOVE YOU!!!! I've had these frightening realizations of just how fattening brownies and my favorite cookies are (reese's chewy chocolate cookies). It's very sad. I've also realized just how uncontrolled I am when they are in the house. And I just can't make them anymore, until my weight is gone. I just can't stop eating them when they're there! It's horrible! Oh yeah, now my wedding ring fits! I haven't been able to slide that thing on confidently since I was 4 months pregnant! I hate not having that thing on! I don't want to look like an unwed mother and I don't want to appear single. And I just plain like wearing it.

I think I'm done pumping. I've said this many times, but it was always in the heat of stress. I'm not feeling stressed, I'm just feeling like it's done. It really consumes my life! Not to mention, I discovered I have thrush so that makes the whole pumping process that much more time consuming with sterilization and all kinds of other things. I had no idea I had it until my sister saw me after I pumped at the reunion. She's had issues with thrush and recognized it right away. I've had it FOREVER and didn't know. No wonder my nipples have had such a hard time. I thought it was just a result of pumping. Another reminder of, "I have no idea what I'm doing." Each week I get a realization of how something will be so much easier with the second kid, 'cause I'll actually know what I'm doing. Well, it's after midnight and I should've gone to bed an hour ago. Scarlet will wake up, whether I'm ready to or not. Speaking of, my wonderful child is sleeping through the night!!!!! I don't think it's a fluke, I think it's just happening!!! A couple times she needed a pacifier once in the middle of the night, but a couple times, now, she's just slept straight though!!! I am LOVING it. What a difference sleep can make for a mommy!