That's just it. The day has gone wrong from the very beginning and it was going to be such a good day. I got a full night's sleep for the first time in atleast a month. Scarlet hasn't been waking all month, just the last week. But whether she wakes or sleeps, for some odd reason I keep waking up all night long. I mean multiple times a night! It's the worst!!! I can't figure it out. I've never had this problem before. And last night BOTH of us slept. It was amazing. So I wake up thinking, "Wow, this is going to be a good day." Greg comes home from work, we talk a bit and I decide, I'm up, I'm fed, I'm going to go on a walk!!!" So Greg goes to bed and I leave with the stroller and notice it is veering to the left. What is going on? We've have this stroller a couple months and needed to pump up the tires but never got around to it. It worked good enough the way it was so I've been using it this whole time. Well, the left tire was pretty dang flat. So I'm feeling flustered and go back and forth whether or not just to ride out the flat, anyway. But I don't want to hurt the tire and have to buy a NEW one, so I call a friend to see if I can use her pump. So I do, and I linger and chat because she has friends over. Seriously, who is dressed, makeup on and already getting together with friends at 8:30am? Certainly not me. Anyway, so that basically took away my early morning walk. But oh well. So I come home and suddenly Scarlet's tired, so I put her down for her morning nap. Now I'm trying to decide what to do for a workout. I've been discovering workouts on Netflix Instant Play and thought, "Hmm . . . maybe there are work outs on HULU." And what do you know, there are. I ended up finding this Indian Bollywood Dance workout. I've ALWAYS wanted to learn an Indian dance. It was fun, and quite a work out. My arms and abs are sore. Anyway. I'm thrilled that I worked out for a good 50 minutes. I fold a bit of laundry and am about to get in the shower when- "WHAAAA!!!!" Scarlet wakes up!!!! That is WAY too early. So I wait it out, hoping she'll fall back asleep. She doesn't. Now in the past, I just can't force this girl to sleep. She usually sleeps pretty easily, but if she doesn't then she just DOESN'T. But once in awhile I'll try to see if she will and instead she just screams and then when I realize it's not working, I go in there and feel like I've just emotionally abused my child. In the back of my mind I was thinking, "Don't try something that's probably not going to work." But I did anyway and it was the same result. So I finally go in there and we read books and she's just sniveling/gasping/recovering from her emotionally traumatic experience. So now I'm feeling crappy, sweaty, dirty. I somehow get in a shower even though this is ALL she slept all day! ONE HOUR. That is not enough. So the rest of the day was whining and me suffering a headache half the day. I don't know. I'm just in a bad mood. She did go to bed an hour early, thank goodness.
I hate Greg's schedule. I HATE IT. I put on a smiley face and say it's fine, but it's not. I want him home at nights. I don't like not seeing him for 3 days. Not really having a conversation for 3 days. Basically being a single parent for 3 days. After I put Scarlet down at night I get so BORED. It's the same routine every night. I stay up late watching Hell's Kitchen and eat, even though I'm not hungry. When Greg's home I always want to go to bed early. It's because he's with me. I'm satisfied and can go to sleep. When he's gone I feel so unsatisfied. Like I'm needing more. So I try to watch something I like on tv or eat something to make me feel better. But it doesn't. I'm just sick of it. It's 8pm and I'm just wishing there was something I could do. I know there are things I could do to entertain myself, but after a day of taking care of a baby, sometimes I just can't bring myself to do anything but "zone out" in front of the tube. And then I wake up sooooo tired and swear I'll never do it again and I'll go to bed early and not watch tv. But I do it again and again.
Atleast I haven't yelled at anybody today. That's a good thing. I usually do when I have days like this. But all throughout the day I've been almost crying and I'm hoping that's a sign of pregnancy, but it's too early to tell. And the last couple hours I've been wanting to make brownies. It's passed now and I'm glad I didn't. I'm just sad and lonely and I wish Greg was home. Well this was sort of a depressing post. Greg and I have been married for 6 years now. That's not depressing.
On another note entirely- I've been on such a french kick. I've been downloading/looking for french music on ITUNES. If you feel like some french music- try out Pierre Lapointe (like a modern jazz type). I got the album that is actually his name. He has a lot of albums. All very different. Carla Bruni is way good too. I just found this new band, Coeur de Pirate. I LOOOOOVE that one. SOOOOOO good. I don't know what style it is, but it's great. Anyway, it makes me want to learn french. I'm so annoyed because back in Belgium I could never speak it because I could never get passed the "r" sound. It's like hacking a loogie. Seriously. I could never get it right. And now it seems to just flow. I don't know why. I haven't been practicing. It's like just 2 years later, it's finally sunk in or something. Anyway, I feel like if I tried to study/practice again, I'd do so much better. But what is the point of learning french, really?
Oh yeah, one good thing I've been doing. I bought Church History for Latter Day Saint Families. I got it on Betterworldbooks.com. They were having a big promotion where every book you buy, one was donated to charity. So I went a little crazy and bought a lot of books. Mainly for Scarlet. Anyway. It is meant for kids, but I'm loving it. I had no idea how much I didn't know about our church, and in fact had some major dates wrong in my head! It's taken writings from a lot of different church sources and sort of compiled them together. And it's filled with different quotes, definitions of unusual words or terms, and great pictures all through out. I have been loving it. If you ever feel like buying a book, look for it here first! All profits go to fund literacy and there are TONS of used books for as low as $4. Plus FREE SHIPPING always. I love this website. I've gotten all of Scarlets books on there, and books for Greg and clearly- even church books.
Well, Scarlet's been down a half hour now. I'm starting to feel better.
10 comments:
I'm sorry your day was so bad. i'm sorry scarlett didn't nap well. it's the worst. when they wake up way to early from sleep or their nap.
i want brownies so bad too. i've been addicted to these brownies with peanut butter frosting. my favorite treat lately. i make them all the time.
i love you. i miss you. wish we lived closer and then we could hang out at 8:30am, but not all dressed up with make-up on. just in our pjs. = )
It sucks that Greg is gone in the evenings. I'm sorry! You should call me when you are going crazy because I am usually home in the evenings too. Going crazy myself. Your cycle sounds just like mine. I always stay up way to late when he is not here and I always regret it in the morning. And I know how to fix it, but I just can't make myself go to bed earlier. It really sucks!
If you love french then you should learn it. Even if it's just for yourself. It never hurts to know more then one language and how cool would you feel if you could speak french.
You should come visit me. We could just hang out all day for a couple of days. I know I live in Utah and it isn't a great vacation destination. But we would have fun!
Oh boy, I do the same thing when jeff is out of town for work. I stay up late for no apparent reason and then become so tired the next day. What is up with that. My brother in law just took a job that will keep him away for 3 weeks and then one week off and I just keep telling myself how thankful I am that Jeff is able to work down the road. They have 3 kids and pregnant due in November. Or another friend who's husband is in the military and has been gone for months and just returned home this week. She too has 4 kids and the youngest was born at the beginning of his deployment. Just hang in there and keep yourself productively busy. On a lighter note, I never crave brownies but they sounded good and easy so I made them this last week. they were pretty good. I think Lizzie's peanut butter frosting sounds so good. She needs to post that one on her blog! :)
Dang- I'm sorry Meg. I think anyone would be in a bad mood in your situation. I don't understand how you do that work schedule! Clay worked 16 hour days for like 4 or 5 days straight...and I thought I was going TO DIE! I'm the same way- when he's gone I just can't seem to make myself go to bed...but when he's home I want to go to bed. I think it's a comfort thing. I love you soooooooooo much! Oh, and I hope you're pregnant too! :)
ha- yeah- I don't understand the whole makeup all dressed first thing in the morning. Maybe they just have to do it first thing or they never will do it at all? who knows. Well atleast you got to hang out with some women, that's nice. I'm sorry things didn't go as planned though. The french- sounds like I'd be a pro at it if you need to sound like your hacking- ha. Oh my gosh if you were pregnant that'd be so exciting!!!!!! I'm sorry Greg's schedule is so annoying. Brownies sound so goooooood! I can't wait to eat brownies when this is all over. How long are you planning on teh no treats? Oh my gosh- if you want a new show- there is a show called nanny 911. And it's really good. on net flix of course. love you
I feel for you with Greg's schedule. That's awful and you never really get used to it. I used to do the same thing when Ren worked overnight - stay up as late as I could stand and then regret it the next morning but then when he was home I SO looked forward to going to bed because I knew I would sleep well.
I am a big morning person and even I wouldn't get together with friends at 8 in the morning! Maybe they were working on a project or something?
Ah Megs, I hate days like that. I'm sorry. I don't know how you do it, I wouldn't be able to handle it if Steve were gone so much. You're awesome.
I can't believe Scarlet is 1!!! I love those old pictures...she is smiling as a newborn! I love it!
I miss you and wish we could hang out and go on walks together.
I am sorry about his schedule. That's how I felt when Mike was in school. I never saw him. I hate when I crave food. I am still trying to loose like 10 pound of baby weight and I have had no motivation. It's tough being a woman but someone has to do it!! Men sure couldn't. I hope you are pregnant that would be so fun. It would be super busy, but fun!!
i'm ready for a new post :)
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