I never thought I would have a child completely addicted to the tv. Where before I change her morning diaper, she asks for "pooh? dora? lelele? (cinderella)" and the moment I say no or "after breakfast" she goes BESERK in my arms and starts throwing a fit. I shouldn't be surprised. I'm constantly battling my own tv addiction.

I never thought I would "give in" to my child after I repeatedly say no.

I never thought I would yell at a 1 year old. A ONE YEAR OLD. Before I had kids, or even 6 months ago, I would've thought it was cruel and unusual punishment to yell at such a small child and here I am doing it.

It was a really smooth year and really easy to think, "Wow, I've got this parenting thing down!" and now things are getting bumpy. It's not the END of the world and things OVERALL are still really good. I'm just entering this phase of, "Oh I use to judge this person for this or that" and that judgment suddenly vanishes and I'm eating my words because I am suddenly doing it myself. And I find it pretty impossible to judge parents now because IT'S A FREAKING HARD JOB.

It's really easy to judge parents when you don't have kids. The phrase, "Oh I will never do that" is SO easy to say. And the few times I have been criticized by others without children, I just think in my mind, "Are you serious? You don't even know what you're talking about! You HAVE NO KIDS!" But before I had kids I used to judge people, in my mind, ALL the time. But now, even when I don't agree with something, I'm starting to think, "Oh they're doing what they can" or "it looks so easy, but maybe I don't know the half of it".

I don't want to say parenting doesn't matter AT ALL, but I seriously believe some kids are just easier than others, no matter your parenting style. You could be doing everything right and still have a tyrant or a little angel even though you're breaking all the "parenting rules". I'd like to think the AVERAGE kid can be swayed a little this way or that way thru parenting, but I don't even want to go that far yet. It is just hard, no way around it.

These thoughts come to mind because Scarlet used to demand tv in the morning but would still eat her breakfast. Now she's getting so demanding she's starting to not eat in the morning, which just makes the crankies even worse. This is how our morning went today.

She wakes up, I go in and snuggle her a minute then she looks up, "pooh?"

Me- we need to eat first

Scarlet- Pooh?

Me- After we eat

S-Pooh?

M-later

S-Dora?

M-first we need to eat

S-lelele?

M-No

Then it happens. The yelling. Oh man. The yelling through the diaper change. The yelling while I'm trying to ask her if she wants this or that through breakfast. She'll finally settle and eat a few bites and then it starts again.

S-Pooh?

M-are you done? You didn't eat very much.

S-Pooh?

M-Scarlet you need to eat more.

S-Pooh?

M-Eat.

S-Pooh?

-silence-

S-Dora?

silence

S-Pooh?

M-No, you need to eat

The berserk begins once again. And this is where the yelling back usually starts but I'm starting to master this head down, hand on forehead, breathing thing where I just sit there for a minute or two until I regain my "calm voice" and respond with something like-

M-You can't yell at me. Yelling won't get you anything. You need to eat breakfast and then we can watch pooh.

The thing is, I don't even want her to watch tv anyway. I feel like I'm just feeding her addiction. But I'm starting to realize, if I just let her get her "fix" in the morning, she seems fine the rest of the day, so why battle out WHEN it has to happen, if it's going to happen anyway.

But the crying doesn't stop and lately it's been transforming into an all out meltdown of red faced tears. So after minutes of this I think, "She's not going to calm down. If she doesn't calm down, she's not going to eat. I'm sick of hearing her scream. What's the point?" And before I know it I put Pooh on and 5 minutes later she starts yelling at me 'cause she's hungry. And it never ends.

A similar routine of this has been happening almost everyday the last 2 weeks. It hasn't been THIS bad, just the last 2 days. But it's been consistently getting worse. It's just not an ideal way to start the day. Sort of puts a damper on the spirits. It doesn't always end up this way. Sometimes I ignore her enough and she gives up, sometimes I remember to put her in a timeout and she calms down instantly. The routine varies so often but it's often some version of this. This is just how it went today.