I'm Fallin' Inlove

It's been another good day. Things seem to work out just great when I have no plans and can just roll with the day. Dinner seems to get done, I seem to get time to play with the kids and I get an hour to myself somewhere in there too. When I try to force anything- it seems to blow up in my face. Also, if I decide that I really don't care if that shower gets in there- that also improves how I feel about the day. I mean, I either get one or I don't- so I've decided to be happy about each way it can go.

I realize, I probably haven't been blogging about this one lately.

 Scarlet's really been amazing lately. We just love this little girl. She has been doing great. After feeling a little depressed about her Lyme, the last couple days, I realized- it's only been a MONTH. She's only been getting treatment for 30 days and 31 days ago- life was pretty terrible. Just a month ago she was watching 7+ hours of tv a day and everything was a fight and was HARD. Her life is NOTHING like this now. She is a happy little toddler and life is going well. She is WAY into pretending now. It is so much fun. She's constantly pretending to make cookies and juice, building towers and castles out of big legos and just loves to hang out with Mom. When I realized how bad things were just a month ago, it's given me a wake up call as to how good things are. Scarlet keeps blowing us away with her language. The only bummer is that her binky is often in her mouth so there's a lot of mumbling and muffled sentences- but that's the thing! She's starting to speak in full sentences now! Amazing! It's so fun to watch her grow. We just love it. She has had SO MANY changes in her life and you would never know it. She's just as happy and easy going as she's ever been. You'd never know her life was different. She is so forgiving of me. I've had some horrible days where I just snap at her and days where Brighton has been way more needy and I keep having to tell her to wait and that I can't until I finish nursing and she still loves me and wants to be around me more than ever. I don't understand it, but I'm grateful. She's a great example to me.

And then there's little Brighton.

 I am just falling in love with this little guy. I loved him from the start but I find myself just staring at his chubby body and kissing his cheeks nonstop. I just think he's the greatest and am falling in love with him, just like I did with Scarlet. It's amazing how he just fits right in with our family. It couldn't have been a more natural addition. Nursing is in full swing and it's great to be there. I love that little onsie and I put it on him today for the second time and realized it's the last time. It's already too tight! He's growing so fast! I love it but fear it at the same time! It's passing so fast. Since he's been eating and growing so fast, I've been letting him go at night and he's been sleeping a 5 hour stretch already- YES!!! Granted, it always starts an hour or two before I actually go to bed, so it only gives me 3 hours usually- but still!!! 3 hours straight is a great blessing right now!!! 

Trying to get some family shots-

I've been in my head a lot the last two days, after reading something from our lyme doctor. It's something she gives all her lyme patients. It's mostly about nutrition and things we need to do at home to help the treatment along, but at the end there's a portion all about learning to accept your life and your reality and not fighting what is out of your control. Even though it was written for people with chronic illness, it completely applies to any conflict in your life. Life with a baby is very out of control. I have no control over when Brighton eats, when he sleeps, when he wants to be held, when he's happy, when Scarlet wakes early from her nap, when she wakes in the night, when she has a bad day. I have no control over any of this!!! Whether I want it to happen or not, these things are just going to happen and I have no way to predict how or when. If I fight it and get mad, I'm just gonna be in a bad mood- it doesn't make these events change! So I've decided, when these things happen, I'm going to be happy. They are just going to happen. I can't make them not happen. I'm not going to be mad when Brighton wants to be held all day. I'm not going to get mad when I finally get to go to bed and I have to get up instantly for an unexpected feed. I'm not going to get mad when Scarlet doesn't eat what I go to the trouble of making. I'm not going to get mad when Scarlet won't go outside with me. I need to remember she's sick and needs to do things at her own pace. I'm going to try to let life just go as it goes and be happy as it happens. It's not a new concept, but it seemed to really hit me yesterday and it was like a light was shining on my brain and everything made sense. I'm going to try not to be self conscious that my life isn't like everyone else's and just go at my pace and do things the way our life works out best right now. And you know what, when I do this I have a good day. I have a great day and everyone in the house seems to be happy and everything that MATTERS gets accomplished. I'm confident I'll have my breakdowns and moments/days of weakness, but I have a renewed hope for the challenges and new way of life ahead.